Times is Hard, Times is Hard

There are few things more depressing than seeing an actor you like fall on hard times. For example, I remember I really used to enjoy the Not Quite Human Disney Sunday Movie series and I remember feeling really sad when I saw Chip on a Napa Auto Parts commercial. And there was another time I saw Wallace from Veronica Mars doing a commercial for pizza rolls. Whenever you see a former star doing random TV commercials, you know they're not doing that well.

However, the only thing worse than seeing a favorite celeb in a crappy commercial is seeing someone formerly famous become a criminal.

Case in point - July 22nd, 2010, Setauket, New York. A star we all know and love has obviously hit rock bottom. I don't know how to tell you this, so. . .well. . .just. . .just look at this:

Yes, faithful readers, our friend Anakin has joined the Dark Side once again. I am as saddened as you are.

The Sith Lord strolled in to the Chase bank in Long Island just before noon last Thursday and demanded money from the understandably intimidated teller. Vader must really be struggling because he's pawned off his lightsaber and, apparently, his pants. He was brandishing a clumsy and random handgun and he was wearing camouflage trousers. However, he has still held on to his respirator, cape and helmet.

The service representative, not wanting to get her throat crushed, decided to comply. She gave him the money and he stuffed it into a bag with a New York Yankees logo on it (maybe he's got some sponsorships in the works). And it seems the senior Skywalker must have really been having a bad day because he also punched a random customer on the way out.

And who's to blame for all this? The media, of course.

Hollywood is typical for stereotyping and typecasting. I guess they didn't think that an aging former Jedi Knight (he never made Master, it's true) that requires a respirator could play any part other than an evil overlord. He was pigeon-holed into that role. And since George Lucas decided to end Anakin's story in 2005, Vader had nowhere else to go.

It's not like Darth couldn't have done other parts. I could see him in an action movie - he does have the force and could probably beat up some of the lesser action stars, like Steven Seagal. He also could have been in a horror movie - with his mask off, he kind of looks like Jason Voorhees. He even could have pulled off a romantic comedy - I can see the titles now: "Vader of the Bride" or "Sith Magic Moment."

You just have to give Anakin a chance, Hollywood! I mean, no one thought Tom Hanks could pull off a dramatic acting job back in the day, but look at him now! All he does is dramatic movies!

However, I can see some good come out of this. Even though Darth Vader now has a criminal record here in the US (before it was just intergalactic crimes, and those don't carry over universal borders), any publicity is good publicity, right? This may get him noticed by Hollywood producers. And, if nothing else, this robbery could get Vader some merchandising deals.

"I find your lack of savings disturbing. . ."

You Just Lost The Game

A few years ago I was introduced to a little game by my supervisor at work. This game didn't require any dice or cards or even any game pieces. All you need to play the game is a mind and a mouth.

You are now playing the game.

I should point out that this game did not originate with my supervisor - although many other random things did originate from her mind. This game possibly started in the mid-90s and is played by millions worldwide. And you can't stop playing the game - that's one of the rules.

In fact, let me explain the rules of the game as simply as possible:

1. Once you learn about the game, you're playing the game. You can never stop playing the game.
2. If you think about the game you lose and you have to announce it to someone.
3. After a brief reset period (some say a half-hour, some say 30 seconds), the game is on again.

Still confused? The game is not to think about the game. If you remember that you're playing a game to not think about the game - you lose. There's no way to stop playing the game.

If you're still confused about what this game is all about, you can always look it up on Wikipedia - the source of all knowledge.

It kind of reminds me of a day back in high school when I was in my psychology class. The bell rang and all of us students were gathering up our stuff to leave when our teacher stopped us. She turned and slowly wrote the number 107 on the chalk board, then turned and smiled at us. We were a bit confused. "This is your homework assignment," she said. We were more confused. 107? What could that mean? My mind raced trying to figure out what the cryptic 107 meant. After a short pause she continued, "I want you to forget this number." D'oh!

Obviously, I failed this assignment because I still remember that blasted number! And, now that you know about the game, I'm sorry, faithful readers, but you're playing it. . .and there's no way to stop playing it.

And I hope, years from now, when you suddenly think of the game and you vaguely remember reading about the game somewhere, that you remember this blog and return to post a comment that you lost the game, which will, in turn make me lose the game. Wow. That was a long sentence.

You have 30 minutes to forget this blog post.

Good luck.

Missy the Missing Kitty

Coworkers are an odd group of people. I'm not saying that the people you work with are odd (though they certainly may be), but there is a strange relationship that exists between one employee and another employee. It's like when you were doing a group project in school and your teacher picked the members in the groups. These may not be the people you would have chosen, but soon relationships begin to form as you work towards a common goal. Sometimes these relationships are ones of friendship and camaraderie. Other times, however, they're more like the following e-mail exchange between Shannon and David:

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.



This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww


From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.


See what I mean? This e-mail exchange, sent in by, alert reader, Ashley, demonstrates the other type of relationship between coworkers.

But is it real?

That's debatable. David Thorne, the antagonizing, yet humorous presence in this e-mail chain is a comedic writer from Australia. He's written a number of humorous articles, such as the one where a guy tries to pay a bill with a drawing of a spider, and has pulled a number of internet pranks, such as the Kate's Birthday Party fiasco on Facebook. Thorne considers the internet his playground.

Some of Thorne's work is completely fictitious, while other writings are based on true events. On his website, 27bslash6.com, the foreword to this back-and-forth e-mail simply talks about his feelings towards cats. So I guess it is up to you, faithful readers, to decide if someone would be that insensitive and rude. . . to ask David to make a poster during work hours for their stupid* lost cat.

*- Editor's Note: I do not know if this cat, in particular, is stupid. However, most are**. Dogs rule! Woooooooooooooooo!


** - Editor's Other Note: In the spirit of full disclosure, I actually do like cats***. The above statements were written merely to antagonize people and to generate comments.


*** - Editor's Final Note: I also like pie.

Ok, Go Be a Rube, Goldberg and End Love!

First of all, if you haven't seen the new Old Spice commercial, here it is:



Good stuff. Color me impressed.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about Ok Go. As a band, they're not bad. Their music is fun and catchy. Their music videos, however, are pure genius!

Most people got to know Ok Go when their "Here It Goes Again" treadmill video hit the web. Some got to know them beforehand with their simple, yet impressive, "A Million Ways" video. Well, the Ok Go gang is at it again with these visual masterpieces.

Here's the music video for "This Too Shall Pass:"



The original music video for this song was much simpler, mechanically, and featured the Notre Dame marching band and camouflage. It was done in one take, like many of their music videos, and it's pretty cool, but this new one just plain rocks! I mean, I always find Rube Goldberg machines (deliberately over-engineered machines that perform a very simple task in a very complex fashion) fascinating, but when you put that kind of machine to music, it takes it to a new level of awesome!

Ok Go got people from Syyn Labs and MIT to help construct the machine and they spent about $90,000 doing it! No computers or motors were used, just simple physics. They filled a two-story warehouse with a half-mile course of around 700 pieces. After two months of planning and around four months of designing they were ready for filming.

Filming took place on February 11th and 12th of 2010. It took them around 60 takes to get the footage they needed. Mechanical failures, camera issues and human error all took their turns messing things up. They had a team of 30 people who had to reset everything after each take.

In the end, they got the Rube Goldberg machine working all the way through a total of three times on film. However, in order to get the timing right, they had to make a few cuts in the final video. So, yes, they did actually make the machine and yes, it actually does work, but in order to get the best shots, they had to mix a couple takes together.

Now let's move on to their latest video, for their song "End Love:"



Wow.

Ok Go filmed for over 18 hours to get this music video. It was filmed in Echo Park in Los Angeles, California. The mixture of time-lapse, slow-motion and and stop-motion photography is quite impressive. This kind of filming would involve an incredible amount of choreography and practice for both the band and the film crew.

Other things to note, the goose that you can see following the band around is named "Maria." And she, apparently, is a park regular. And finally, the end shot, after the music stops, reportedly shows eight days of footage! It makes me wonder if that was a mistake, like the many times my dad left the video camera on when it was hanging around his neck.

Keep it up, Ok Go! We are all very impressed. Don't pull an M. Night Shyamalan and start sucking after the first few times!