Monday, June 14, 2010

An Elegant Weapon for a More Civilized Age

Forget bright copper kettles and warm, woolen mittens! The following are a few of my favorite things: movies, zombies, Twilight bashing, food, Halloween, my wife, comedy, hoverboards, my kids, video games, sleep, television and, of course, lightsabers!
(Editor's Note: The above list is in no particular order - love ya, Honey!)

I've mentioned lightsabers a couple times on Slice of Fried Gold before, but they've never been featured as the main event. . .UNTIL NOW!

I present to you the Spyder III Pro Arctic Series laser!


"But, The Former 786," you faithful readers are saying, "as everyone knows, a lightsaber consists of a blade of pure plasma which is emitted from the hilt where high levels of energy are generated by a high-output Diatium power cell and unleashed through a series of focusing crystals and energizers and is then suspended in a force containment field. It's not a laser!"

You're right. And well said, faithful readers!

But the Spyder III Pro Arctic laser is the closest thing we have right now to an actual lightsaber. Also, for the record, the first lightsabers actually came into being when Jedi combined advanced offworld technology with a forging ritual, learning how to "freeze" a laser beam. Boo-yah.

And how was such wondrous technology achieved? That's easy, the creators over at Wicked Lasers simply took apart a video projector. No, I'm not making this up. They dismantled a Casio projector, pulled out 445nm direct blue diodes, encased them in 6061-T6 aircraft-grade aluminum and finished it with a powdercoating of awesomeness!

Now, while the Spyder III Pro arctic laser may look like a lot of fun, they stress that THIS IS NOT A TOY! It seems that, much like the lightsaber, this tool should only be wielded by someone who knows what they are doing. This thing can SERIOUSLY injure someone. In fact, Wicked Lasers website claims that this is "the most dangerous laser ever created." It can cause permanent blindness in an instant, it can set your skin on fire and, since we're naming off the things this baby can do, it can also make holes in trash bags, ignite matches, cut electrical tape, light a cigarette, melt rubber and plastics, pop balloons and light fireworks.

Which begs the question, if the Spyder III Pro Arctic laser is NOT a toy, why did they make it look just like a lightsaber and let us know it can set things on fire?? Oh, Wicked Laser, you vile, vile temptress!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go visit my brother and his family. I'm pretty sure they own a projector. . .

1 comment:

Andrea said...

Good crap, Joel! I want a freakin' lightsaber! I WANT ONE!

Also, why do they have to be SO dangerous? Couldn't they be mildly dangerous, you know, so I could swing it around at people?