Here Comes the Sun. . .'s Owner

File this one in the "Why Didn't I Think of That" folder.

In a world where everyone is trying to make money for doing absolutely nothing, you have to give some notice to those who are creative about it.

Remember as a kid when you'd claim something as yours? You would say something like, "I call this piece of pie!" or "Place back!" or even "Shotgun! No battle!" Well, apparently we were all setting our bar WAY too low as children. Angeles Duran has taken this method a step further - or, perhaps, 93 million miles farther.

That's right, faithful readers, this 49-year-old woman is now claiming ownership of the Sun.

And, believe it or not, she has the documentation to prove it. She has a signed and notarized paper showing her "ownership" of the Sun. She then stated, "I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first." Spoken like a true 4-year-old.

Angeles Duran kind of looks like Stephenie Meyer, which makes me not trust her.

"But, The Former 786," you may ask, "what harm is it for her to 'own' the Sun? It's not like she can actually do anything with it. Right?" Oh, faithful reader, how pure and naive you are. Ms. Duran wants to charge you for using the Sun. She has stated that she wants to charge everyone that uses the Sun and then give most of the proceeds to Spain. Half of it would go to the Spanish government. 20% would go to the country's pension fund. 10% would go to research. What research, exactly? I don't think she even knows. Sounds like a fluff answer to me. 10% would go to "end world hunger" (again, is she running for Miss Universe or something?) and the remaining 10% percent would go to (surprise!) herself.

So, just in case all that math didn't make sense to you, here's the skinny: Angeles Duran wants to charge every man, woman, child, animal and plant who enjoys the Sun, and use that money to fund Spain, generic ideas and herself.

However, her claim is completely flawed. I'm sorry, Ms. Duran, but I'm pretty sure that I claimed the Sun on one of my family's long, boring road trips to California. My older brother called the rest stop we were at and I just had to one-up him. So, sucks to be you! Or, as they say in Spain, "No sé si hay una traducción directa de esa frase en español!"