I'll Make Him a Value Meal He Can't Refuse

Full disclosure: I'm a fan of fast food. After I watched the documentary Super Size Me, I had a strong craving for some Mickey-D's. I read some statistics on the most unhealthy fast-food items and it became my bucket list. I drool over most of the items on the website This Is Why You're Huge.

No matter how many times people tell me how much cholesterol is in KFC's Double Down or how much they hate Burger King or how chicken nuggets are made, it doesn't bother me. I remain a fan of fast food. To quote Jim Gaffigan, "Do you know what they do with those chickens?" "No, but it's delicious."

Now, this isn't to say that I eat out all the time. I know that this kind of food isn't healthy in excess. Heck, too much of anything is probably bad for you. I also acknowledge that most of these fast-food corporations are probably evil and bent on world domination, which is why I found this picture, sent in by, alert reader, Emily quite humorous:

This fun graphic was made by silentsketcher (aka Andrew Shirey). And even though, as I mentioned before, I am a big fan of fast food, I couldn't identify who each of these mafiosos were. So in case you need a little hint about who is who, click on over to deviantArt to see a larger image and Shirey's explanations.



Now, if you'll excuse me, faithful readers, I've got some Chick-Fil-A coupons to use. . .and some sit-ups to do.

What is it with Floridians?

Florida is a beautiful place to live. It has rolling green hills, beautiful beaches and Firehouse Subs. So why are the people that live there so insane?

Many people stereotype Florida by saying that it's full of old people, but I think we're missing a key demographic - the people who misuse 9-1-1. What? You don't think that's an accurate stereotype? Here are just three (3) examples in only six (6) month's time.


August 2008 - Jacksonville, Florida.

Reginald Peterson entered a Subway Sandwich store (this was previous to their incredible 5-dollar foot long deal) and ordered a sandwich. Apparently it didn't have everything he wanted so he freaked out and called 911. . . twice. The 42-year-old "man" whined and complained to the police and wanted them to come down to the Subway and get them to make his sandwich right. When they got there, the employees had actually locked Peterson out of the store because he was yelling and screaming at the other customers. All efforts by the police to calm him down and explain to him the proper use of 911 failed and he was arrested for placing false 911 calls.


February 2009 - Boynton Beach, Florida.

Jean Fortune, a 66-year-old man, went to Burger King one Saturday morning and ordered a #7 combo meal at the drive-thru. For those of you who don't know, a #7 includes chicken fries, French fries and a drink. Well, when Fortune ordered lemonade, the employees told him that they didn't have any. They offered him a Coke instead. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?? Fortune raised his voice and started to cause a scene. He then told Burger King that he was going to call the police, to which the employee said "Go ahead." And Fortune called 911. Apparently the 911 operator was not in the mood for this, either. She told Fortune "Sir, come on. I know you don't seriously think that the police need to make Burger King give you food faster. I cannot believe that." and even went on to say "Customer service is not a reason to call 911. 911 is if you're dying. Do you understand that?" It was a Saturday morning - I can't blame the operator at all for this one. Fortune was, unFORTUNEatley (ZING!) charged with abuse of 911 communications.


And finally

March 2009 - Fort Pierce, Florida.

Latreasa Goodman, 27, felt that she was wronged when she wanted chicken nuggets and McDonalds didn't have any to give her. So she ALSO called 911. . . three times. When the police finally arrived Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Now here's the odd twist about this story: Apparently Goodman ordered a 10-piece McNugget meal and got her change and was THEN informed by the employee that they didn't have any Chicken McNuggets and that they couldn't give her a refund because McDonalds has a "no-cash refund" policy. Then why didn't they tell her this beforehand? Odd? Yes. Reason to call 911? No. Goodman was cited for misuse of 911.

Now I don't know why all these Floridians feel that it is necessary to call 911 at the slightest fast-food order mess-up. Maybe 911 just has a really good marketing system down there and they advertise a lot.

Or maybe that's the only phone number they can remember in this pre-programmed cell phone generation (I mean, how many numbers do YOU know by heart?).

Who knows?