Shut Up And Take My Money!

If you're a faithful reader of this blog, and I know you are, then you obviously remember a post I did two years, two months and twenty days ago. Remember? The one about the Spyder III Pro Arctic Series laser. Of course you do. Anyway, apparently the team over at Wicked Lasers are also faithful readers, because they took my idea and ran with it. They've made an accessory that attaches to the Spyder laser and makes it look just like a lightsaber. If you already own a Spyder laser, this accessory will only cost you $100. If not, you're going to have to shell out another $250 to $1000, depending on which laser you choose.

They call it the "LaserSaber" because it's similar to a lightsaber, but without all of the copyright issues. Granted, you still can't slice through blast doors on a trade federation ship with them, but I'll take what I can get.

Check it out:



Well, that was kind of a tease. They show you all of these cool, Jedi-like moves that you can do with the LaserSaber and they say things like "only operate while wearing laser shades" and "do not participate in any form of fencing or swordplay" and "may cause dysentery." They've sucked all of the fun out of it. That's like making a hoverboard and then telling the customers "in no way should you ever try to stand or ride on this product." And, as we all know, the only warning label that should be placed on hoverboards is that the regular models don't work on water unless you have a rocket-powered model.

So, Wicked Lasers, since I now know that you are such big fans of Slice of Fried Gold, could you talk to your friends over at NASA and see if we can get working on hoverboard technology? We've only got three years, one month and nineteen days 'till these things gotta be mainstream.

My thanks to, alert reader, Lecia for submitting this article.

An Elegant Weapon for a More Civilized Age

Forget bright copper kettles and warm, woolen mittens! The following are a few of my favorite things: movies, zombies, Twilight bashing, food, Halloween, my wife, comedy, hoverboards, my kids, video games, sleep, television and, of course, lightsabers!

(Editor's Note: The above list is in no particular order - love ya, Honey!)

I've mentioned lightsabers a couple times on Slice of Fried Gold before, but they've never been featured as the main event. . .UNTIL NOW!

I present to you the Spyder III Pro Arctic Series laser!

Dude.

"But, The Former 786," you faithful readers are saying, "as everyone knows, a lightsaber consists of a blade of pure plasma which is emitted from the hilt where high levels of energy are generated by a high-output Diatium power cell and unleashed through a series of focusing crystals and energizers and is then suspended in a force containment field. It's not a laser!"

You're right. And well said, faithful readers!

But the Spyder III Pro Arctic laser is the closest thing we have right now to an actual lightsaber. Also, for the record, the first lightsabers actually came into being when Jedi combined advanced offworld technology with a forging ritual, learning how to "freeze" a laser beam. Boo-yah.

And how was such wondrous technology achieved? That's easy, the creators over at Wicked Lasers simply took apart a video projector. No, I'm not making this up. They dismantled a Casio projector, pulled out 445nm direct blue diodes, encased them in 6061-T6 aircraft-grade aluminum and finished it with a powdercoating of awesomeness!

Now, while the Spyder III Pro arctic laser may look like a lot of fun, they stress that THIS IS NOT A TOY! It seems that, much like the lightsaber, this tool should only be wielded by someone who knows what they are doing. This thing can SERIOUSLY injure someone. In fact, Wicked Lasers website claims that this is "the most dangerous laser ever created." It can cause permanent blindness in an instant, it can set your skin on fire and, since we're naming off the things this baby can do, it can also make holes in trash bags, ignite matches, cut electrical tape, light a cigarette, melt rubber and plastics, pop balloons and light fireworks.

Which begs the question, if the Spyder III Pro Arctic laser is NOT a toy, why did they make it look just like a lightsaber and let us know it can set things on fire?? Oh, Wicked Laser, you vile, vile temptress!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go visit my brother and his family. I'm pretty sure they own a projector. . .