A Claw is a Claw

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid. Things were so much easier then - I didn't have to worry about things like making money, cooking food or bathing. Life was full of wonder when I was younger. I had so many questions and there were so many mysteries.

Little did I know back then, that in the future, there would come a day when there was something called a "search engine," and by using that "search engine" I could get the answers to many of my questions - deep, philosophical questions like, "What does Dr. Claw's face look like?"

For those of you who don't know who Dr. Claw is, he was a character on the television show Inspector Gadget, which had one of catchiest theme songs ever. The plot of each episode was pretty much the same: Dr. Claw, the villain, would make some horrible plan to destroy something or rule the world, Inspector Gadget would get the assignment to stop him (the message would self destruct) and then Inspector Gadget would fumble and bumble along while Penny and Brain would do the actual detective work. They would always stop Dr. Claw, but he was never caught. And you never saw his face during the show! All you ever saw of Dr. Claw was his chair, his arm, his computer and his cat.

As a young boy I accepted that this mystery of Dr. Claw's face would never be solved. As an adult, however, my curiosity peaked during a leisurely time when I was definitely not at work, and I decided to use Google to find out the answer. And I found it. Faithful readers, I have seen the face of Dr. Claw - and my wide-eyed childhood innocence and ignorance on this subject has forever been lost.

I found a website that claimed to reveal the face of Dr. Claw. My thanks to Mike Westfall, the man who did this research, posted it online and, let's face it, changed the world as we know it.

Apparently, back in the early 90s, the creators of Inspector Gadget released a toy version of Dr. Claw. Check it out:

Ingenious, no? They're completely playing off the fact that everyone wants to know what Dr. Claw looks like. And by covering his face in the packaging like that, you had to buy the toy to see what he looked like.

UNTIL NOW!









Faithful readers, I now present to you. . .








Without further ado. . .








The thing you've been waiting for all these years. . .








Yes, this truly is. . .








The face of Dr. Claw!

And here's a close-up.

I know, it wasn't what I was expecting, either. I mean, aside from the melty face, he looks like a normal human. I always imagined him to have an evil robotic-mask-type of face, similar to the symbol of his M.A.D. organization.

But I guess he wasn't a robot. I guess the live-action Rupert Everett version of Dr. Claw in the poorly executed Inspector Gadget movie wasn't too far off. I guess his right arm IS the only mechanical part of his body. I guess he is just a horribly mutated British aristocrat.

Huh.

Well, there you go. My childhood memories have forever altered and I don't quite know how I feel about that. At least we can still all remain innocent and ignorant in never seeing the full face of that one character from Home Improvement. You know. . .Tim's neighbor, whose face was always hidden by a fence. What was his name again? Hold on, let me Google it. . .

Aw, crap.

Oscar de la Rant-a

So the 84th Academy Awards happened last night. If that doesn't interest you at all, this post probably won't either. So, for those of you who don't have much interest in the Oscars, here's a funny street sign from White Lake, Michigan.

You're welcome.

Now, let's talk about the Academy Awards. I figure I'll just rant category by category, but only in the categories I actually care about (sorry, Best Sound Mixing in an Animated Foreign Short Film) and I'll mostly focus on the Big Five, considering that's all most people have an opinion on, anyway ("What?? Hugo won Best Art Direction? I wanted Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows: Part 2 to win!!"). I will also be using the terms "winning" and "losing," even though The Academy doesn't like that.

So here goes:

Best Supporting Actress - Winner: Octavia Spencer
I figured Octavia Spencer was going to win this one. But I have to admit that I wasn't rooting for her. I was rooting for Jessica Chastain. Don't get me wrong, Octavia Spencer did a fantastic job as the sassy lady in The Help, but she plays the sassy lady in every role. Jessica Chastain's performance in The Help was different from the other roles I've seen her in, and her character was nuanced and deep. But good for Ms. Spencer. I hope this brings her more work where we can see her range. Sidenote: I still think Bryce Dallas Howard should have gotten a nomination for The Help.

Best Supporting Actor - Winner: Christopher Plummer
Once again, I could have picked this one. Christopher Plummer was playing an aging, gay, cancer-stricken, dying man - it's everything the Academy loves. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Mr. Plummer and he seems like a very nice fellow, but I was more impressed with Max von Sydow who could get an Oscar nomination without saying a word. Poor Kenneth Branagh still has never won. Let's just all be grateful Jonah Hill didn't win. I don't think I want to live in a world where Jonah Hill is an Oscar winner.

Best Adapted Screenplay - Winner: The Descendants
I liked how they did the screenplay clips, with the writing on top of the clip. I do have interest in seeing this film. Out of all the nominees in this category, I'd only seen Moneyball, and while I was impressed that they made a movie about statistics and made it interesting, I think this award went to the right movie. Maybe. I'll let you know after I see Bridesmaids (edited) and Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (edited).

Best Original Screenplay - Winner: Midnight in Paris
No! I'm not happy with this one! The idea of the film was fun, but it was just another Woody Allen movie when it came to the writing. I thought it was a bit pretentious and would only really appeal to Humanities majors. . . .which is probably what The Academy is composed of. Yes, this film is technically a comedy, but it seems The Academy is allowed to break their comedy-snubbing ways when it comes to Woody Allen, for some reason. I have yet to see The Artist, but I'm betting my vote will go there.

Best Director - Winner: Michel Hazanavicius
Good for him. I need to see this movie. I actually wanted to see The Artist before the Oscars, but I couldn't find it in theaters near me. He seems like a humble man (or maybe he's just humble when he has to speak English) and I'm interested in seeing his work.

Best Actor - Winner: Jean Dujardin
Wow. That's going to be controversial. The last time a goofy foreign comedian won, everyone said The Academy was way off base. I actually really enjoyed Life is Beautiful and I'm sure that I'm going to enjoy The Artist. I don't really think the speeches by Natalie Portman were necessary, but I was glad to see the clips, although, once again, they seem to only like to show the drama in films, not the comedy. He seems like a good guy. I don't know if he'll become an American icon, but I think he deserved this Oscar. Don't worry, Brad and George, you guys are still cool.

Best Actress - Winner: Meryl Streep
Yeah, it figures. She's been nominated 17 times, so I guess three wins is appropriate. I was guessing that this one would go to one of the actors portraying an actual person. The Academy seems to love impersonations. Ms. Streep was charming in her speech, though and she is a great actress. If I was choosing a winner, it would have either been Rooney Mara or Viola Davis. I was shocked when I realized that the actress from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was the same girl from The Social Network and Viola Davis gave a powerful and touching performance in The Help.

Best Picture - Winner: The Artist
Ok, fine, I'll go see it as soon as I can find it. I think there will be some people upset with this win, but, based on what I've heard, it's deserving of this award. This is one of the few years when I have wanted to see all of the Best Picture nominees. As of yet, I've only seen The Help, Midnight in Paris, Moneyball and The Tree of Life. Out of those, The Help is my choice for Best Picture, but I imagine The Artist will top it. I'm also intrigued by the fact that only one of the nominees this year is rated R. Let's hope this is the starting of a trend.

Final/General Thoughts:

• Meh opening. It was fun, but it wasn't funny. I also wonder if Billy Crystal in black face is going to draw some controversy. UPDATE: Yup.
• The first movie I remember seeing in theaters is Follow that Bird. Not exactly an Academy Award winner.
• The Tree of Life should have won Best Cinematography - it was beautiful to watch.
• I can't believe Billy Crystal made that joke about Christian Bale - that was awesome.
• Did Tom Cruise have some plastic surgery done? He looks different. Sandra Bullock, too.
• I loved seeing the Christopher Guest gang do the focus group skit! I wonder if that was scripted.
• Can Hugo really be that good?
• I really need to go see a Cirque du Soleil show live. Those performers are amazingly talented athletes.
• They really should have an award category for stunt people. It's a shame they've rejected that idea so many times.
• Why is it that the presenters can banter all they want, but they cut off the award winners? Aren't the award winners who the show is all about?
• None of the animated film nominees this year were that great. But, of the ones I've seen, Rango was the best, I guess.
• Emma Stone was adorable, but all of the presenting felt a little forced.
• None of the comedy bits were laugh-out-loud funny. Maybe this is why The Academy doesn't appreciate good comedy when it sees it.
• Was there something wrong with the sound where you were watching? There was this annoying feedback/buzzing sound when people would talk.
• I don't find Zach Galifianakis funny - never have.
• Seriously? Only two nominees for Original Song? That's so insulting to everyone else who could have received a nomination. I'm glad "Man or Muppet" won. I was rooting for that one. . .out of the two. Did Bret thank Jemaine?
• I don't find Angelina Jolie that attractive - never have.
• I get why James Earl Jones would be honored at the Oscars, but Oprah is more in the Emmy realm, I feel.
• I get more emotional during the "people we lost" montages than I should. I wonder how they choose who gets to be on this list and who doesn't make the cut. And I'm glad they kept the focus on the people who have passed and not on the singers this time.
• Was A. R. Rahman doing the music when going to break? It kind of sounded like the score from 127 Hours - although that song was by Sigur Ros. . .
• I get Meryl Streep and Glenn Close mixed up some times.
• The Academy should nominate more comedies. I've said it many times before, but I truly believe it is harder to make someone laugh than it is to make someone cry.
• I liked the Best Picture montage.
• It was good to have Billy back. He truly is much better than some of the previous hosts.
• I wanted longer clips. The Academy Awards used to show lengthy clips from each movie before they presented the awards and now they only seem to do it for the acting awards. Why? They'd probably say they cut clips to save time, but that can't be the case because, even without them, the show still has an average running time of approximately 4 days, 6 hours and 53 minutes. The talking heads with the short montage were a nice addition, but I don't think it was enough. You can't see the magic of the cinematography in a four-second clip and you can't wonder at the sound mixing with someone talking over the clip. Clips of the movies help the audience connect to the films, especially if they haven't seen them. And, let's face it, most of these movies haven't been seen by the general public.
• Hollywood sure is pretentious.
• Overall, I liked this year's Academy Awards.
• There is a LOT of work that goes into making a film. My thanks to those who have labored and stressed and sweated to create the films that I love.

Phew! Good night!

Yeah, Right Lisa - A Wonderful, Magical Animal

For reasons I'd rather not go into right now, I ended up reading the entire Wikipedia page on bacon today. I learned a lot and I drooled a lot. Bacon really is delicious. A very wise man once said "Everything's better with bacon" and I have to agree with that brilliant man.

So when, alert reader, Emily Y. informed me that I could add bacon to ANY website I wanted, I salivated at the opportunity - and now I'd like to share it with you. . .the opportunity, not the saliva.

Here's how it works, all you have to do is add "http://bacolicio.us/" at the beginning of any URL and you'll instantly add bacon to the site. For example:

The site that inspired this post.

The site you're currently on, but now with bacon.

The site that has the greatest need for more bacon.

Give it a shot on your own and let me know what sites you think would be better/funnier with a little bacon.

WARNING: Adding bacon to a website may cause intense staring, high blood pressure and may put you at an increased risk of drool-related keyboard damage.

Embrace bacon mania.

Artistic Differences

Though I have been blessed with many talents, I've never been a very good artist. I'm a man of words, not a man of visuals. However, there are a few things that I can draw that somewhat resemble what they're supposed to be. If you look at any of my notebooks or folders from school, for example, you'll see sketches of palms trees, sunglasses, swords, 3D cubes, lightning bolts, severed hands and stick figures. It seems to be a reoccurring theme when I doodle. I should probably see a psychiatrist.

Anyway, when alert reader, Dustin, sent me a link to a website called "drawastickman.com," I knew it was something I would be able to do. After all, I can draw a stick man. So I gave it a shot. And I recommend you do, too. It's a fun little activity and it has a good message.

Just click the image below and express yourself artistically:

I'll Make Him a Value Meal He Can't Refuse

Full disclosure: I'm a fan of fast food. After I watched the documentary Super Size Me, I had a strong craving for some Mickey-D's. I read some statistics on the most unhealthy fast-food items and it became my bucket list. I drool over most of the items on the website This Is Why You're Huge.

No matter how many times people tell me how much cholesterol is in KFC's Double Down or how much they hate Burger King or how chicken nuggets are made, it doesn't bother me. I remain a fan of fast food. To quote Jim Gaffigan, "Do you know what they do with those chickens?" "No, but it's delicious."

Now, this isn't to say that I eat out all the time. I know that this kind of food isn't healthy in excess. Heck, too much of anything is probably bad for you. I also acknowledge that most of these fast-food corporations are probably evil and bent on world domination, which is why I found this picture, sent in by, alert reader, Emily quite humorous:

This fun graphic was made by silentsketcher (aka Andrew Shirey). And even though, as I mentioned before, I am a big fan of fast food, I couldn't identify who each of these mafiosos were. So in case you need a little hint about who is who, click on over to deviantArt to see a larger image and Shirey's explanations.



Now, if you'll excuse me, faithful readers, I've got some Chick-Fil-A coupons to use. . .and some sit-ups to do.

Since I've Found Serenity

Life can be hectic sometimes - can't it, faithful readers?

Are you feeling overworked, overwhelmed or overburdened? Well, I'd like to take a moment of your time to help you find your center, reach nirvana and feng shui-ify yourself.

Just follow these simple instructions and you'll be feeling serene in no time:

1. Insert headphones and/or turn up speakers
2. Maximize the video below to "full screen" mode

3. Press play

4. Repeat as necessary

Have a nice day.

Playful-NES

Faithful readers, I have a confession to make to you: I got sidetracked this week.

I had a bunch of cool videos, weird stories and odd websites in the queue, ready to be made into a full-blown Slice of Fried Gold post, but then an alert reader named Ryan sent me a video game. I opened the link, started to play, and suddenly a few days had passed. Whoops.

However, as I was completely ignoring my wife and children, I got to thinking, "Maybe I should make THIS the post for this week." AND SO I SHALL!

Here's the reason I didn't write/eat/bathe/stand-up for all of those hours:

Now, probably only the die hard Nintendo fans will know Abobo by name, but many of you may recognize his face. This is Abobo:

That's right, he's one of the mini bosses from the classic NES game Double Dragon. Apparently Roger Barr and his buddies thought that Abobo would be the perfect protagonist for their love letter to old-school Nintendo games. They take this minor character and place him in the middle of a number of classic NES games as he tries to save his son, Aboboy.

And it's awesome.

Seriously, I had so much fun playing Abobo's Big Adventure. The look, music, controls and gameplay took me back to a simpler time when movies had to rewind and telephones had cords. As Abobo fights to find his son, you'll travel through such games as Super Mario Bros., Mega Man, Contra and more. Plus, it mashes a number of games together, so you have cameos from a variety of NES video game characters.

Half of the fun is being surprised by what Nintendo games and characters make an appearance, so I don't want to spoil Abobo's Big Adventure, but here are a few fun shots from gameplay:

Zombies and a polar bear in the middle of Contra? Why not?

So many characters, so little time.

Even Zelda, which I didn't play that much growing up, still brought back a ton of memories.

Now, I should warn you that this game is a little violent. Abobo has a big appetite and a lot of muscle, so, at times, he doesn't hold back on dispatching an enemy. But it's mostly 8-bit blood and gore, so. . .

And did I mention that this game is completely free?

So there you have it. If you're a fan of the old school NES video games, Abobo's Big Adventure is truly a treat. There are so many cameos, Easter eggs and shout-outs in this game that it's hard to pick a favorite, but I will say that I was surprised to find a secret party at the top of the "elevator," and I'm glad I still know the Konami code by heart.

Oh, and for the sake of your spouse and children, please know that there IS a pause button and the game regularly saves itself, so you can return to the game later and start where you left off.

Happy gaming!

My Own Subjective Top 10 Movies of 2011

For the past couple of years, I have posted a list of my top 10 movies I've watched in the previous calendar year. 2011 is no exception. Below are movies that I saw for the first time this past year that made a big impression on me. This year seemed to be harder than most - I had a list of over 20 fantastic films that I had to whittle down to these top ten best:

10. Spirited Away (2001) - Spirited Away presents an imaginative new world with fantastic characters and creatures. It reminds me of movies such as Labyrinth and Alice and Wonderland, where the bizarre becomes acceptable and reality is easily suspended. This is the first film I had ever seen by Hayao Miyazaki, and I was blown away by his stylized animation and fantastic imagery. This film won't be enjoyable for some (it's very odd), but Miyazaki's folkloric fantasy is undeniably unique.

9. Tangled (2010) - Tangled is a cute, cute movie. The animation is brilliant, the characters are fun and the story is entertaining. I could easily see this being performed on Broadway and Mother Gothel being the coveted role for many an actress. I will admit that I liked the book Rapunzel's Revenge better than this movie, but Tangled still felt like the return of classic Disney animated movies.

8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011) - This isn't my favorite Harry Potter movie, but this film is a fitting finish to the Harry Potter series. It packs a powerful dramatic punch and shows how far our characters have come from the original movie. I was bothered by some changes they made from the book, but I understand (kind of) why they had to do it. I'm sad to see the Harry Potter films go, but it was a great ride.

7. Best Worst Movie (2009) - Best Worst Movie is surprisingly deep for a documentary about "Troll 2." For those of you that haven't seen Troll 2, please stop reading this post and do it now. It's one of those movies that is so bad that it's good. This documentary is very humorous at times, but it also delves into serious drama. It's probably better if you have seen Troll 2, but if you haven't seen it, this documentary will stir a desire in you to watch one of the best worst movies ever made.

6. Devil (2010) - Devil is the result of M. Night Shyamalan coming up with a story, and then letting other people write the screenplay and direct the film - and it works. This surprisingly clean horror movie has some well-done creepy moments and interesting twists. It reminded me of a Twilight Zone or X-files episode. Plus, it has a very faith-affirming message, despite the demonic title.

5. Catfish (2010) - The less you know about Catfish, the better. Just know that 1. It's a real documentary and 2. It's absolutely fascinating to watch the story unfold. I went into this movie expecting one thing and was completely taken off guard by where it ended up. Even if you know how it all ends, this movie is still worth a watch.

4. The Social Network (2010) - The Social Network presents a fascinating take on the origins of Facebook and the social media craze. David Fincher does a spectacular job of creating complex characters that go from despicable to likable and back in a matter of minutes. From the story to the acting to the soundtrack - this movie excelled. I was surprised by how much I liked this film, even with all the hype surrounding it.

3. 127 Hours (2010) - 127 Hours is Aron Ralston's amazing story, told beautifully by Danny Boyle and his filmmaking crew. James Franco gives a very believable performance as Ralston and it's hard not to get caught up in it all. This high-quality film is upbeat and uplifting, despite the grim subject matter. Danny Boyle has already impressed me with a number of his films already, and this one has firmly cemented him into one of my favorite directors of all time.

2. Kick-@$$ (2010) - I feel that Kick-@$$ would have been better as a PG-13 movie. Sure, this would have upset the comic book fan boys, but the strong, vulgar language and intense violence are distractions from the heart of this movie. At its core, this is an inspiring film about humanity rising to its full potential, and it's a fresh take on the superhero genre. The acting, plot, costume design, art direction, cinematography and soundtrack are all very well done, but I think the general public didn't embrace this movie because it is, simply, too much and I wouldn't recommend watching it unless you have a Clearplay DVD player, like me, or could find an edited version.












And my #1 favorite movie of the 2011 is. . .

1. The Muppets (2011) - Watching The Muppets made me feel like a kid again. I honestly felt great after watching this movie. The humor in this loving tribute is quick and plentiful, plus, at its core, this movie has a heart. It's not a campy/cheesy reboot like many of the half-hearted attempts from studio executives today, vainly attempting to re-live their childhood. The Muppets is a well-made well-thought-out sequel to the other Muppet movies and should please both the Muppet lover as well as newcomers to the world of Jim Henson. I loved this movie and I gladly welcome it to the Muppet canon.



So there you have it, faithful readers, those are my top ten movies that I saw in 2011. I understand that all art is subjective, and that you may (and probably do) disagree with some of the choices on this list, but I would still recommend all of the movies on this list for your viewing enjoyment.

I'd also like to give honorable mentions to The King's Speech (2010) , Dear Frankie (2004), Rio (2011), Paper Moon (1973), Interview with the Vampire (1994), Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994), (500) Days of Summer (2009), RED (2010), X-Men: First Class (2011), Super 8 (2011) and True Grit (2010). Overall, 2011 was a pretty good year for movies.