Monday, May 19, 2008

Revenge of the Sith

The wicked have prevailed once again, my friends. I don't know if it was because of money, power or influence, but once again a bad man is walking free and have left the innocent without justice.

I'm talking, of course, about Darth Vader.

Some of you may have heard that there was a recent attack on the Jedi Church. Yes, there really is a Jedi Church. A certain group of men decided that they believed much of the fictional mottos and creeds that George Lucas made up while he was a lonely teenager. So they follow the Jedi doctrine and have all of the fun that the Jedi in Star Wars have. . .except they don't have lightsabers and they can't control the force. . . . . . . .huh. . . . . that doesn't seem like much. . . .but I do know that the Jedi in the movies take an oath of celibacy and I'm pretty sure these guys are following that or, at least, using it as an excuse for their lack of contact with females - "It's a choice! I swear!"

But I digress. A while back Arwel Wynne Hughes, a 27-year-old Welsh man dressed up as Darth Vader by using a black garbage bag and assaulted some members of the Jedi Church as they were doing some training exercises. Using a metal crutch as his lightsaber he attacked (and I am not making these names up) Master Jonba Hehol (aka Barney Jones) and his cousin Master Mormi Hehol (aka Michael Jones). Jonba got hit on the head, and Mormi received a bruised thigh. This truly was a disturbance in the force.

Why did Darth Hughes feel the need to attack these peaceful keepers of the peace? Was it because of his deep roots with the dark side? Was he following orders of the Emperor? Or was he really disappointed with George Lucas' latest versions of what was once a great franchise? Nope. He was just drunk. Arwel-kin claimed that he couldn't recall the incident because he had "drunk the better part of a 2 1/2-gallon box of wine beforehand."

It's still no excuse! This article, sent in by alert reader Miss Berrie, states that the slick Sith Lawyer, Frances Jones (there must be a lot of Jones' in Wales) convinced the judge that "He knows his behavior was wrong and didn't want it to happen but he has no recollection of it." Hmmmmm, that sounds like Dark Side talk to me.

And, after some research, I found what claims to be the video here.

The judge sentenced Darth VadHughes to two months in jail, yes, but he suspended the sentence for one year which is plenty of time for him to build a Death Star or something. And the judge gave him a fine of about $200, but that's nothing to Arwel Vader. His chest piece alone costs that much!

Will justice ever be served? I don't know. But it looks like this more like the ending of The Empire Strikes Back, rather than the ending of Return of the Jedi.

I don't want to leave you on a down note, so here's a different story about free cookies sent in by alert reader, Lobbie.


Hillary Caruthers said...

Is this Joel Hilton's Blog? nice.

Lobbie said...

HAHAHA. I am officially leaving this to say this is probably my favorite entry so far. HAHAHAHA