Everything's Better with Bacon!

Bacon.

Admit it, the mere mention of that word made you drool just now. Now wipe off your keyboard and let's get to the meat of this post (pun absolutely intended). Bacon can be used for so many things. It's used as a breakfast food, of course, it can be found on your salad at lunch and it will make any burger at dinner better.  Bacon has even made its way into dessert when it's covered in chocolate. Yes, bacon can do anything. Heck, I bet some vegetarians still crave the yummy, crunchy, chewy baconness of bacon!

And it was actually an alert vegetarian reader named Andrea who showed me that bacon is so much more than just a food. She showed me that bacon can actually heal.

Behold, the bacon bandage!

Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I should probably tell you that this isn't real bacon. Real bacon can only heal the wounds of your soul, but these bacon-like band-aids are the perfect way to say "Hey! I got injured! And I like bacon!"

But it doesn't end there. Archie McPhee, the genius company behind the bacon bandage also offers a bunch of other bacon bounty including bacon air fresheners, bacon floss, bacon-flavored gumballs, bacon lip balm, bacon mints (don't quite know how that one works. . .oh well), bacon soap, bacon toothpaste and more!

Now some may say this is overload, but I beg to differ. In fact, I am willing to try every single bacon-related item on that site while incorporating something with bacon into every meal for an entire month. . .presuming someone else is paying for it. I've blown my months budget on a bacon suit.

I'm Not Alone - I Have Salad!

Now, I don't claim to be a historian, but, as we all know, Valentine's Day is the very special day where we celebrate the birth of Saint Valentine, who shot arrows at people until they married each other. He also gave out candy.

And since that day Valentine's Day has become a day for couples. Women get showered with flowers, chocolates, jewelry, stuffed animals and other gifts, while men get to buy these things for the women. It's a wonderful holiday.

But what about those that don't have someone on Valentine's Day? Women, in particular, seem to get very down on V-Day if they don't have someone to share it with. Not to worry, ladies! You don't need another person to enjoy Valentine's Day. You just need salad. That's right, salad!

Don't believe me? Take a look at this small sampling of pictures from a post on The Hairpin, a website created by Edith Zimmerman and Liz Colville. Edith happened to notice that, for some reason, there seems to be an abundance of pictures of women laughing while they hold bowls of salad. Apparently it's a marketing trick to get you to eat healthier. See if it works for you.

That's right. Stare off into the distance and laugh at your salad.

"Ha! Salad is C-R-A-Z-Y!"

That's right, ladies, fruit salad is just as funny as regular salad.

If you're still feeling lonely, even with your salad, add a glass of water. The combination is hilarious!

Indoors or outdoors, salad is endlessly entertaining!

You don't even need to be eating salad to enjoy your loneliness! Making salad is just as fun!

In fact, don't actually eat the salad - just laugh with your salad. After all, once you eat it, you'll be lonely again.

And believe it or not, this is only the beginning of "Women Laughing Alone with Salad." You can see the rest of the pictures from the article here.

I'd like to thank, alert reader, Ted for showing me how fun and funny salad can really be!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Lego My Best Picture!

So the Academy Award nominations are in and either the Academy has read my last few posts about the Oscars, or I'm getting more film snobbish, because I didn't have any big problems with this year's nominees. Maybe it's because they expanded the Best Picture category to 10 films so even though, let's face it, some films have no chance of actually winning, at least the general public doesn't feel like their film was snubbed.

Anyway, I thought I'd do a quick recap of the Best Picture nominees here on Slice of Fried Gold, Slice-of-Fried-Gold style! Alex Eylar, a Lego designer, being the Lego genius that he is, has recreated each one of the nominated films with pet dander. I'm kidding, of course - pet dander is reserved for the Best Live Action Short Film nominees. But here are the Best Picture nominees in Lego form.

Let's see how many you can identify without cheating and looking them up!

***WARNING: The comments will probably contain spoilers. You've been warned.***

Note: I've only seen 4/10 of these films as of the date of this post. Surprisingly, I plan on seeing almost all of the nominees this year.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I'd like to unleash a whole Santa Claus of randomness on you in this post!

If you are a faithful reader of this blog (and who isn't?) then you know there are certain sites that I frequent and frequently enjoy. I Can Has Cheezburger, GraphJam, Awkward Family Photos, Cake Wrecks, This Is Why You're Fat and more have made their way onto my "Other Links to Kill Time" sidebar. Well thanks to, alert reader, Mitch I have found a new humorous site that will probably be a dichotomizing one.

The site is Unrelated Captions. The premise of the site is simple: you upload a picture, add a caption that has nothing to do with the picture and voila! Instant humor!

Now, the way I figure it, this site is gonna go one of two ways for you, my faithful readers: You'll either be in the "Huh? I Don't Get It" category, or you will fall into the "Holy CATS that is hilarious!" category. Since I hate to waste people's time, I've gathered together a little sample of my favorite Unrelated Caption entries, so you can decide for yourself if you want to go to the official site or not. I won't judge you if you don't like it, but I will seriously question your sense of humor and your worth as a human being.

Here's your sampler platter!

 

 

 And my personal favorite, though I don't know why, exactly. . .

 

So there you go. Love 'em or hate 'em, you can't deny that these captions are truly unrelated.

It Just Got Real in Here

My dad is the type of guy who wants complete realism in movies. He wants people to be injured in car crashes instead of walking away completely unharmed. He wants the apartment tenants to call the police as soon as they hear gunshots in the alley. He wants Kate Beckinsale to be in more movies. . .wait. . .that's me. He prefers Teri Garr.

Anyway, I think that my dad would enjoy movies a lot more if they had followed the laws of physics a little more. Take, for example, Star Wars. I love the films (not the books though - the books are for complete nerds and dweebs!), but when the Rebel fleet, led by Admiral Ackbar and Lando Calrissian, enters hyperspace from Sullust to begin the Battle of Endor in 4 ABY they end up destroying the Executor-class Star Dreadnought and it explodes. . .in space. See the problem here?

There is no air in space and, therefore, there could be no fire/explosions. There could also be no sound, so those cool noises made by the Tie Fighters or the Millennium Falcon going into light speed are also not very realistic.

However, would I take those away from the movie completely? Probably not. But, for my dad's sake, I'd like to show you a world where Newton's first law (an object in motion stays in motion, except after "C") holds true.

Behold the alternate, more realistic ending of Return of the Jedi:



Awkward!

This video was made by a self-proclaimed jerk called Thunderscreech and I, for one, was quite entertained.

Dad, I hope you were, too.

I MADE THIS FOR YOU!

I feel behind the times. Julian Smith has been around for a while now and has a HUGE online fan base, yet I just heard about him from, alert reader, Jeff C. a couple weeks ago. I am ashamed.

However, to make it up you, my faithful readers, I'd like to present to you a small sampling of the plethora of videos this guy has made. He's very talented. Since I was first introduced to him I have watched numerous videos of his and I've found something entertaining about each one. Plus he's a clean comic, which I really appreciate.

Here's to you, Julian (if that is your real name):

Hot Kool Aid - This is the first Julian Smith video I ever saw, and I think it's the one that helped him make his mark.



Note: I don't know why they're British in that clip. 

Malk - This was the second one that I watched, also recommended by Jeff C. It's bizarre, but that seems to be Julian's style.



Techno Jeep - Proving that he is as innovative as he is humorous, this video shows Julian's creativity/boredom.


 
Waffles - This final video in this sampler platter showcases one of Julian's regular characters, Jeffery.



There are many, many other humorous Julian Smith videos on his site and on YouTube, but I figured I had to stop at four, because anything more would be overkill.

However, even though his videos average over a million views each, now that he's made Slice of Fried Gold, his life is truly going to change - much like many other people I've featured on this site.

You're welcome, Julian.

Have Fun, Get Fit, All While Learning Engrish!

The last post was so centered around me and my likes, that I would like to spend this post talking about you, faithful readers, and your weight. . . and your multilingual education. What if I told you that there was a quick and easy way to learn English while getting fit and having fun?

"But, The Former 786," you say, "I already speak English. If I didn't, I wouldn't be a faithful reader of Slice of Fried Gold."

Huh. Good point there. . . .

Anyway, here are a few videos to help you learn English. I have seen these before, but, alert reader, Shelly has brought them to my attention once again. Below are some clips from the Japanese TV show 英会話体操 Zuiikin’ English (or, for you non-Japanese speakers out there, Eikaiwa Taisō Zuiikin' English).

This program aired originally in the early 1990s and it only had 24 episodes? Why, you ask? Well, it could be because all the viewers killed themselves after watching too many of these endlessly repetitive and redundant lessons - which is why I'm only posting three here. Trust me, it's for your safety.

Here's the first one, it's a simple lesson, but I think we can all learn from it. Thanks, Shelly!



Author's Note: I have no idea what that 2nd robber was wearing on his face - or what purpose it serves.

Here's the second one, that is sure to help your love life.



And here's the coupe-de-ville - the one that put these girls on the map (at least for me). Enjoy, please!



So. There you go. There are many clips of the different lessons from this TV show on YouTube, though I advise only watching one or two at a time - for your health. I don't want to be responsible for you getting all fit and English-y on me.

Huh. Look at that. Even though this post started out about you, it ended about me again. . .oh well.

Isn't narcissistic egocentrism what blogging is all about, anyway? I think so.

My Own Subjective Top 10 Movies of 2010

All you faithful readers out there know that I normally don't share personal information or stories on this blog, but this week I would like to share something with you that is near and dear to my heart: movies.

Last year I made a list of my favorite films that I saw during 2009. I'd like to do the same thing once again for 2010 because, well, I like countdown lists and I like looking back at the year gone by. So, once again, here are my favorite movies (in a very particular order) that I saw for the first time this year.

10. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)
Pure creativity - that's how I describe this movie. It tells an original story in a very original manner. I will admit that the movie won me over almost immediately with the 8-bit Universal Studios logo and music at the very beginning. Classic! It's not for everyone, but if you're a fan of video games (which I am) then this film will probably appeal to you.

9. Trekkies (1997)
I will state, up front, that I am not a Star Trek fan. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen a full episode of the series, but I was thoroughly entertained by this documentary. This movie shows respect for fans of Star Trek, but it also shows that Trekkies (or Trekkers) are able to laugh at themselves.

8. Up in the Air (2009)
George Clooney gives yet another spectacular performance as a man with commitment issues (he plays that character a lot, doesn't he?). In fact, practically every person in this film delivers a realistic and engaging performance. It's kind of stressful, though, so be prepared for that. This film also made me want to travel more, but that desire will quickly go away once I get to the security checkpoint line at the airport.





 





7. Moon (2009)
I'm not a huge sci-fi fan, but Moon definitely made an impression on me. Sam Rockwell carries the weight of this film on both of his shoulders and he carries it well. It's definitely a slower movie, but the conclusion is well worth the wait.





 




6. District 9 (2009)
Maybe I am a sci-fi fan. . .this is the third one on this list. Some of you are resisting watching this movie, but I will state again, this film features some of the best character development I've seen on the screen. This was director Neill Blomkamp's first feature film and it featured relatively unknown actors in the cast, yet it still managed to be successful at the box office and with critics. Let's hear it for South Africa!

5. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Yes, I am a Harry Potter fan, but even I got frustrated with J.K. Rowling as she kept our protagonists spinning their wheels in the forest for a HUGE chunk of the 7th book. However, this movie was very entertaining considering the material they had to deal with (spoiler alert: nothing happens). Plus, it got me really excited for Part 2 and the finale of the Harry Potter film series.

4. Toy Story 3 (2010)
My kids are in love with this film. It isn't as funny as the first movie (which, can you believe, came out over 15 years ago?) and not as quirky as the second movie, but Toy Story 3 packs the most powerful emotional punch of the three. If Pixar is smart (and I think they are) they'll put the series to rest after this film. It was an exceptionally good ending to the trilogy.

3. Inception (2010)
Inception was exercise for my brain. Christopher Nolan proves, once again, that he is one of the best directors of our time. He also wrote this movie, which makes it even more impressive. Nolan has directed seven feature films, out of which I've seen six and I've been seriously impressed by each one. Inception allows you to come to your own conclusions, yet it is thoroughly satisfying.

2. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (2009)
This movie was so much fun - I crack up each time I watch it. The humor is quick and witty and there are new funny things each time I see it. In addition, it is full of fun visuals, bright colors and clever animation. I wish I could have seen it in 3D. Plus, it's a movie where delicious free food falls from the sky - who doesn't love that?










And my #1 movie of 2010 is. . .









1. Zombieland (2009)

Is this really a surprise? I love zombies, I love comedy and I really appreciate clever stories. Zombieland has it all. I got to watch this one for the first time on my birthday and it's also one of the few movies on this list that I now own - my wife even likes it. This is my favorite movie that I saw this past year and, if you haven't been, I highly recommend taking a trip to Zombieland yourself - edited, of course. :)


This year was filled with a lot of mediocre movies, so I'd also like to give an honorable mention to Sherlock Holmes, Resident Evil, Troll 2, Inglourious Basterds, My Date with Drew, The Blind Side and Fantastic Mr. Fox who all came very close to making my top ten.

I'm excited to see what movies 2011 brings!