This Clown Tastes Funny

I didn't exactly want to do a post about cannibalism this week -- after all, I do my best to keep this blog light and fluffy -- but the fates kept pointing me in that direction. So, faithful readers, I'm going to go ahead and take a stab at it, but let's hope I don't bite off more than I can chew. . .

I could probably have chosen better words for that.

Anyway, I watched The Walking Dead season finale this past week (zombies, an ever-present presence in my life are cannibals by nature). Then, a podcast I listen to did an episode on The Donner Party, and that, naturally, led to me doing some brief research on the Uruguayan rugby team that was stranded in the Andes. I don't know why I chose to take such a dark educational path. I must have been doing something really boring at the time, I guess.

But the anthropophagistic tipping factor was a music video by Julian Smith. We've discussed Mr. Smith on this blog before, so you may already know that I'm impressed with his comedy. "I'm Reading a Book," for example, is a family favorite and is routinely requested by my children at our dance parties.

Well, when I saw that Julian Smith had a new music video ("Eat Randy") to offer, I eagerly checked it out. After my first viewing, I was confused and slightly alarmed. I didn't quite know what to think. I liked the 80s VHS look of the video, and I thought the song was catchy, but the concept of this guy randomly singing about cannibalizing his friend was a little disturbing. However, after a few more viewings, I became slightly obsessed with the song. In fact, since it was first posted on YouTube earlier this week, I have listened to it roughly 4,815,162,342 times. Why? I'm not sure. Something about it appealed to me, and that kind of scares me.

Take a look:



Yeah, I know -- liking this song isn't going to help my reputation with my in-laws, is it? Hmmm. . .

Oh well, I'm in it this far already, so here are some final corny jokes about cannibalism!

How do you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a hand.

Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don’t like your friend."
"Oh?" the other one said, "Well then, just eat your vegetables."

What did the cannibal’s wife give her husband when he came home late from a night out with the guys?
The cold shoulder.

What happened when the cannibal bit off the missionary's ear? He got his first taste of Christianity!

Two cannibals were having lunch together. "Your girlfriend makes a great soup," said the first one.
"Yes, she does," agreed the first. "But I'm sure going to miss her."

I've got some messed up muses. . .or I may just need therapy.

Procatination is the Thief of Time

As I've mentioned before on Slice of Fried Gold, internet people love cats. People also love music. And when you put the two together? Well, you get a special sort of magic. Behold! The Procatinator!

In case you're too timid to click on random links on this site (which is understandable), let me explain how it works. The Procatinator places a random song with a random animated .gif of cats. Once you've had your fill of one cat, simply click on "Show Me Another Cat" and you'll get another random pairing. It's simple, yet genius. And don't ask me how I know this, but there are approximately 88 different cat/song combinations and counting.

My thanks to alert reader, Mitch, for sending this in. I don't know how much time I'll spend on it but I. . . .Whoa! What?? It's midnight already? How did that happen?

In Soviet Russia, Film Silences You!

This week was a little busy for me, so I still haven't been able to see The Artist. I'm a big fan of silent films, so I'm excited to see a modern take on the silent film genre. However, since I haven't been able to make it to the theaters, I've been making my own silent movies by using The Artistifier. The Artistifier, sent in by alert reader, Jeff, takes any YouTube video you can find and turns it into a silent movie. You, then become the director and choose what the actors are saying and where the captions should go.

Need an example, faithful readers? Ok, then.

Remember that Russian Trolololo video from a while back? Well, I took that heart-warming video, uploaded it to The Artistifier, and made it into a deep, award-winning film about one man's existential view of his own mortality and his hubristic downfall. . .or just added the first thing that came to my mind as I watched the video.

Click on the box below and check it out:

I know, right? Deep stuff. You should be shaking in your boots, D.W. Griffith!


Give it a shot yourself. Find a YouTube video, turn it into a silent film and then post it in the comments section on this site for everyone to see.

Happy silenting!

A Claw is a Claw

Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a kid. Things were so much easier then - I didn't have to worry about things like making money, cooking food or bathing. Life was full of wonder when I was younger. I had so many questions and there were so many mysteries.

Little did I know back then, that in the future, there would come a day when there was something called a "search engine," and by using that "search engine" I could get the answers to many of my questions - deep, philosophical questions like, "What does Dr. Claw's face look like?"

For those of you who don't know who Dr. Claw is, he was a character on the television show Inspector Gadget, which had one of catchiest theme songs ever. The plot of each episode was pretty much the same: Dr. Claw, the villain, would make some horrible plan to destroy something or rule the world, Inspector Gadget would get the assignment to stop him (the message would self destruct) and then Inspector Gadget would fumble and bumble along while Penny and Brain would do the actual detective work. They would always stop Dr. Claw, but he was never caught. And you never saw his face during the show! All you ever saw of Dr. Claw was his chair, his arm, his computer and his cat.

As a young boy I accepted that this mystery of Dr. Claw's face would never be solved. As an adult, however, my curiosity peaked during a leisurely time when I was definitely not at work, and I decided to use Google to find out the answer. And I found it. Faithful readers, I have seen the face of Dr. Claw - and my wide-eyed childhood innocence and ignorance on this subject has forever been lost.

I found a website that claimed to reveal the face of Dr. Claw. My thanks to Mike Westfall, the man who did this research, posted it online and, let's face it, changed the world as we know it.

Apparently, back in the early 90s, the creators of Inspector Gadget released a toy version of Dr. Claw. Check it out:

Ingenious, no? They're completely playing off the fact that everyone wants to know what Dr. Claw looks like. And by covering his face in the packaging like that, you had to buy the toy to see what he looked like.

UNTIL NOW!









Faithful readers, I now present to you. . .








Without further ado. . .








The thing you've been waiting for all these years. . .








Yes, this truly is. . .








The face of Dr. Claw!

And here's a close-up.

I know, it wasn't what I was expecting, either. I mean, aside from the melty face, he looks like a normal human. I always imagined him to have an evil robotic-mask-type of face, similar to the symbol of his M.A.D. organization.

But I guess he wasn't a robot. I guess the live-action Rupert Everett version of Dr. Claw in the poorly executed Inspector Gadget movie wasn't too far off. I guess his right arm IS the only mechanical part of his body. I guess he is just a horribly mutated British aristocrat.

Huh.

Well, there you go. My childhood memories have forever altered and I don't quite know how I feel about that. At least we can still all remain innocent and ignorant in never seeing the full face of that one character from Home Improvement. You know. . .Tim's neighbor, whose face was always hidden by a fence. What was his name again? Hold on, let me Google it. . .

Aw, crap.