Saturday, June 28, 2008

It's Not Just You

I remember when I was living with five other guys in college. While it was full of fun noises and we could be as messy as we wanted to be, there is a point where, I believe, every college man asks himself the same question: "Are my roommates stealing my food?"

You know the scenario -- you come home one day, excited to try the new Chef-Boyardee ravioli you've been saving for a special occasion (you passed your Physical Science mid-term with a 68% - Boo yeah!!!) and when you get home you can't find it anywhere in the one small cupboard section that you were allotted when you moved in (six guys take up a lot of cupboard space). You can't remember eating it, but the can is gone and now all you have left is a bag of old potato chips and a moldy onion.

Now, your thoughts may immediately assume the worst and you begin to suspect your roommate who doesn't ever seem to go grocery shopping, or the freeloader who doesn't even live in your apartment, but manages to sleep on the couch every night and mooches off your Ramen sometimes, but what if you didn't have any roommates?

Such was the case with a man in Japan who lived all by himself in a tiny one-story house in Fukuoka. The 57-year-old lived a quiet and normal life until, one day, he noticed that some of his food was missing from his cupboard. Now, he didn't have any roommates at the time, but he more likely than not went to college at some point in his life and, therefore, figured that it was stolen.

He set up a video camera so he could get the culprit red-handed. One of the cameras captured someone inside his home one Thursday after he had left and transmitted the images to his mobile phone. He called police, fearing a burglary. When the police officers arrived, however, they found that all the doors were locked and all the windows were closed. Now, I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing: Hungry ghosts!!!

The police, the unbelievers they are, searched for a more logical explanation. And they found one. . .hiding in the closet. Police spokesman Hiroki Itakura said, "We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide. . .When we slid open the shelf closet, there [Tatsuko Horikawa] was, nervously curled up on her side." The 58-year-old homeless woman admitted that she had snuck into the man's house OVER A YEAR AGO when the man had left his apartment unlocked and she had lived in his closet during all that time!

This was no luxurious walk-in closet, either. Horikawa was living in a shelf in the closet that was only 50 cm high! She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and apparently even took showers while the homeowner was away. Police spokesperson Itakura even called the woman "neat and clean" which is the differentiating factor between Horikawa and the majority of college roommates.

So the moral of the story is: if you want to steal your roommates' food, all you have to do is clean up your mess after you eat. It'll take them a year to figure out their food is missing and, by then, you'll have moved on to mooch off of another apartment.

And for those of you living on your own, if you can't find that block of cheese that you swore you bought the other day. . .check your closet, you might have a small, homeless Japanese woman living in there.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Once You Stop. . .You Still Can Pop

"I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said 'Screw it. Cut 'em up.' " - Mitch Hedberg

I couldn't help but think of these wise words of wisdom as I heard the news that Fredric J. Baur had passed away. For those of you who don't know who Fredric J. Baur is (like me), he's the man who designed the Pringles potato chip packaging system. For those of you who don't know what the Pringles potato chip packaging system is. . .I feel pity for you.

Pringles revolutionized the potato chip container. Now you no longer had to feel shame as you tipped the bag and emptied all the crumbs into your mouth and all over the front of your shirt. The can gave you undamaged chips which enabled you to play the Pringles Chip Challenge. Here's how you play: Two (or more) people stuff the chip behind their lips, but in front of their teeth (the chip needs to be vertical and not horizontal). Then the two (or more) people stare at each other. When someone smiles or laughs, their Pringles chip will crack and they lose. It's simple, yet entertaining. . .and delicious.

But I digress.

Baur was very proud of his invention, it seems. He decided that he wanted to be buried in a Pringles can! Now, I know what you're thinking (because I thought the same thing) and no, it was not a custom-made giant Pringles can. Darnit. Baur was cremated and part of his ashes were placed in a normal-sized Pringles can (probably the blue "Ranch flavor" can because it's the best) and buried. Another part of his ashes were placed in an urn (a Sour Cream and Onion flavored urn, I bet) and buried and the final third of his remains were placed in another urn (I can't decide which flavor to choose - you decide) and given to a grandson.

Now, call me crazy, but this is not the way I want to go. I don't think I want my remains put in something that could be mixed up with pantry items. But at least this man lived to the ripe old age of 89. I guess things could be worse. For example, one could be buried by rednecks after dying because they mooned someone or something like that.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Pork, Beans, and 15 Minutes of Fame

Recently Weezer released the video for their new song, "Pork and Beans."

I like it. I like it a lot.

I enjoy it because 1. It's a catchy and fun song and 2. It showcases numerous references to internet videos that have been popular for the past couple of years.

Here it is, in it's entirety:

So, here's my point (aside from showing off a great song with a really cool music video), I enjoy funny/entertaining internet videos and always try to keep up with the latest and most popular ones. However, there are some in this music video that I don't know. I was hoping that you out there in Internetland could help me get some of the other inside jokes. These are the ones that I recognize in the order they first appear:

1. The Numa Numa kid

2. Drama Prairie Dog

3. Diet Coke + Mentos

4. G.I. Joe PSAs

5. Guiness World Record for most T-Shirts worn at one time

6. Chris Crocker (LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!)

7. All Your Base are Belong to Us

8. Miss South Carolina

9. Chocolate Rain

10. Shoes (WARNING: Contains strong language after 1:26)

11. Peanut Butter Jelly Time

12. Will it Blend? (one of MANY!)

13. Charlie the Unicorn

There are also various lightsaber moments that could refer to the various incarnations of the Star Wars Kid or other fan videos with lightsabers.

So, what did I miss? I know that I don't know who that karate guy is, or the rainbow socks girl, or the dancing guy. If you know who these people are, as well as any others I have missed, please let me know so that I can be better informed and up-to-date on the funny and entertaining You Tube videos out there.

In addition, you'll get to sound smart, which is always a plus.