Monday, December 31, 2012

2012: Someone Else's Look Back

2012 is done.

We made it, faithful readers - and no thanks to John Cusack.

We finished out the year that the Mayans thought would be our end. I guess that will teach them to have Harold Camping lead up their calendar project (ZING!). I, of course, knew that the world wasn't going to end in 2012 because Marty McFly visited the year 2015 -- and we only have two more years for those hoverboards to become a reality.

Now while I could do an end-of-year post, reflecting on the good times of 2012 and the bad, it would pale in comparison of Dave Barry's Year in Review. For those of you who don't know who Dave Barry is, shame on you. For those of you who do know Dave Barry, you're still mourning the loss of his regular humor column and relish in his annual contributions, such as his holiday gift guide and, of course, the Year in Review. Dave Barry's writing style is the one I wished to emulate when I started Slice of Fried Gold. And here we are four years later I still am in awe about how insightful Dave is, as well as how sharp his wit still is, even though he's well into his 90s by now, right?

So, without further ado, I present to you Dave Barry's Year in Review for your reading pleasure.

What? You didn't click the embedded link above or the picture yet? You still need a little incentive? Ok, here are some brief excerpts to wet your whistle:

"The emerging front runner is Mitt Romney, who combines a strong resume of executive experience with the easygoing natural human warmth of a parking meter. Still in contention, however, is Newt Gingrich, whose popularity surges briefly, only to wane when voters begin to grasp the fact that he is Newt Gingrich. This opens the door for Rick Santorum, whose strong suit is that he has a normal first name, and who apparently at one point was a senator or governor of Pennsylvania or possibly Vermont."

"In Spain and Greece, hundreds of thousands of people take to the streets in protest against government-imposed austerity measures necessitated by the fact that for the past five years pretty much nobody in Spain or Greece has done anything except take to the streets in protest."

"In sports, the National Football League imposes stiff penalties on the New Orleans Saints following the shocking revelation that some Saints players might have deliberately committed acts of violence against opposing players for monetary gain, which is of course totally contrary to the spirit of professional football. Commissioner Roger Goodell states that the NFL is also investigating disturbing allegations that players sometimes deliberately knock their opponents to the ground via a violent tactic known as 'tackling.'"

Read more here:

"A tragic fatal drama plays out on the streets of New York City, where police officers fire 183 bullets into a man who, according to witnesses, was about to take a sip from a Big Gulp, which he apparently obtained in New Jersey. The shooting is defended by Mayor Bloomberg, who notes that if the officers had not acted quickly, the man 'could have placed himself in very real danger of becoming obese.'"

"Apple releases the much-anticipated iPhone 5, which receives some criticism for its glitchy map software and the fact that it uses a different connector from all the other iPhones and iPhone accessories. Also, it can neither make nor receive telephone calls. Nevertheless, it is a big hit with Apple fans, who line up to buy it even as they eagerly anticipate the forthcoming iPhone 5s, which, rumor has it, will require 3D glasses."

Read more here:

Happy New Year, faithful readers!

Read more here:

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"New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, having dealt with all of the city’s other concerns — disaster preparation, for example — turns his attention to the lone remaining problem facing New Yorkers: soft drinks. For far too long, these uncontrolled beverages have roamed the city in vicious large-container packs, forcing innocent people to drink them and become obese. Bloomberg’s plan would prohibit the sale of soft drinks in containers larger than 16 ounces, thereby making it impossible to consume larger quantities, unless, of course, somebody bought two containers, but the mayor is confident that nobody except him would ever be smart enough to think of that.

Read more here:
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Read more here:

Monday, December 24, 2012


If you're a faithful reader of this blog (and let's face it, who isn't?), then you've come to expect the annual post where I show pictures of children who are scared of Santa and then add a silly caption. After all, I've done it for the last four years. Well, I am a slave for tradition, so here we go again.

Bring it on, Santa!

Santa was pleasantly surprised to find the youngest chimney sweep in London.

Give that Santa a cookie - he deserves it.

"Qu'est-ce. . . qui ĂȘtes-vous?"

Julian found it hard to do the YMCA when he was clinging on for dear life.

Kayla and Gavin were horrified to find that Santa had a series of notebooks on their misdoings of the past year.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaveeeeeeeee Mariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Lily's attempt at camouflaging her face to match her dress was 80% complete.

"Mom! Santa just slurred my name!"

"Pssh! That's my sister, Maggie. Always making a big deal out of nothing. Typical."

Seriously?! Brenda, please don't turn around.

"Mommy! The REAL Santa would be able to wrap presents better than that!"

Zane, you're doing great. Santa, can we try it again, but with a little less leering?

No matter how fancy the border was, Lexi and Amanda would not be placated.
Britney was not a fan of the smell of bourbon.
"Save me. Leave the other one."

Merry Christmas, faithful readers. Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!

Monday, December 17, 2012

A Moment of Reflection

This week's post was originally going to be something humorous and Christmas-related, but, instead, I'd like to take a moment and acknowledge those who won't be able to celebrate Christmas with their families this year. While this blog is rarely serious, the tragic events at Sandy Hook Elementary this past weekend affected me deeply, and I wanted to do something, even if it's nothing more than a passing moment on a generally unnoticed blog, to honor their memory.


This image came from a website called The High Definite and it portrays the exact sentiment I wish to express -- that we should remember and honor those that died in this tragedy, while giving no publicity to the shooter. That murderer does not deserve fame. That horrible person deserves to be forgotten. 

To those that lost loved ones because of the terrible events in Newtown, Connecticut on December 14th, 2012, I express to you my heartfelt sympathies. You are in my prayers.

Slice of Fried Gold will be back next week with its regular merriment and hyperlinks.

Monday, December 10, 2012

We'll Leave the Light on For You

I'm not much of a world traveler, but I have been to 34 different states in the U.S. And in my travels I have found that 1. I get motion sickness if I read, if the car is too warm, if I eat a lot of gummy candies or if there is a strong, consistent odor (like that of gummy candies) and 2. I like staying in hotels. I even like staying in low-quality dive hotels, because I think it will make for a great story later on. Hotels are just fun.

Themed hotels are even more fun! I love staying in a room that doesn't feel like it was made for a business man on a business trip doing business things. A little room personality goes a long way for me. Here are a couple hotel rooms that I'm currently trying to convince my wife to stay in, should we ever travel to these locations.

Editor's note: She's already ruled out the the Lizzie Borden Bed and Breakfast a while back. Darn.

First of all, we have an odd hotel choice in Tasmania. Haydn Pearce, a local businessman and hotel owner is hoping to take an old, abandoned psychiatric hospital and turn it into a successful hotel -- does this sound like the beginning of a horror movie to anyone else? Anyway, Pearce is specifically looking to take the morgue of the hospital and make it into hotel rooms where guests will sleep on concrete slabs. Take a look:

Comfy? No. Morbidly interesting? Yes. Cheap? Let's hope so.

But if a morgue is a little too dark for you, turn on the lights. ZING! I'm kidding. But I understand that not everyone would be up for sleeping on a slab. I can practically feel my wife vetoing the morgue hotel already. But I honestly cannot see how she could refuse this next hotel.

The Eden Hotel in Taiwan has a room that is perfect for any dark night.

 See, honey? They have a jacuzzi! And it's only 50 bucks per 3 hours!

My thanks to, alert reader, Kent for alerting me about this amazing Batman hotel room. Now if they'd just get one of these in one of the 16 states I have yet to visit.

Monday, December 3, 2012

"Assustar" is Portuguese for "To Scare"

I'm not a hipster, therefore I am perfectly okay with posting something that has become popular. For example, I am one of the few people who still admit that they like Gangnam Style. Plus, this blog's original intent was to keep track of things that I found interesting, and this video is definitely worth saving. So if you've already seen this video, faithful readers, enjoy it once more -- if you haven't seen it, you're in for a treat. . .a Brazilian treat.

Brazilians are known for soccer, guarana, being obnoxious, samba, carnival and girls from Ipanema. However, they haven't been really well known for their practical jokes, until now. Check out this hilarious hidden camera prank they pulled on a few unsuspecting citizens.

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. Bem feito, Brasil!

Now, even though I speak Portuguese, I still can't quite figure out certain aspects of this video.
  1. Where did these people think they were actually going?
  2. How did they make them think the elevator was actually moving?
  3. How did the girl see her way around in the dark?
  4. Why did no one take a swing at the ghost? Not that I wanted them to hit an innocent little girl, but some people react in that manner when they are frightened.
  5. What show was this for?
If any of you faithful readers know the answers to any of these questions, please let me know. Understanding this video will help the nightmares stop.