Monday, November 28, 2011

Gag Me With a Spoon and Leave It In There!

If you asked me what the grossest candy I've ever eaten is (though I don't know exactly why you'd be asking me that, but you have asked me some weird questions in the past), I'd probably have to say that it would be Bertie Bott's sardine-flavored jelly beans, orange sticks (seriously, orange and chocolate flavors should NOT be mixed) or anything pineapple flavored.

But let's move on beyond the superficial aspect of taste. Sometimes taste isn't enough to judge what makes a candy gross. Let's use your other senses, like your sense of sight, your sense of fashion and your sense of common decency. Because I'm pretty sure that this candy violates all of those senses and more.

That's right, faithful readers, for only $17.99, you can get a box of 12 candy scabs! Yes. Candy scabs.

Lick Your Wounds candy features a plastic bandage that sticks on your arm, with a little compartment for your assortment of sugary blood clots. Simply open the compartment, take a lick and then close it again for future consumption - so not only can you gross other people out while you lick your band-aid, but you can also grow your own bacteria in that moist little compartment and gross out your digestive system.

Not grossed out yet? Well, then here's a close-up picture of the candy, complete with arm hair.

Lick your screen for a virtual taste-test!
You're welcome.

However, I like these posts to appeal to a wide variety of audiences. I know that this will really gross out a certain demographic of my faithful readers, so I've provided an alternate low-impact version of the Lick Your Wounds candy. Here's the gentler, softer Boo Boo Licks candy

Only $9 for six boxes with twelve gummy bandages each. They make great stocking stuffers - just place them on the heel to prevent blisters.

Monday, November 21, 2011

People Are (Still Disturbing) People

We live in a very inconsistent world. The economy is down. Gas prices are up. This year's NBA season didn't happen. The Breaking Dawn movie did happen. However, in a time of turmoil like we have today, it's comforting to know that some things never change. For example, you can always count on the fact that weird people hang out at Walmart. And, once again, this fact is being celebrated by Jessica Frech and her posse.

Remember the original People of Walmart music video? Well, here's round two, sent in by, alert reader, Kim. And, I need to warn you, faithful readers, it is just as horrific as ever.


Monday, November 14, 2011

Man, I Love Being a Nostril

Have you ever been told that you look like a celebrity? I have. Believe it or not, faithful readers, I've been told that I look like Christopher Lambert, Ralph Macchio, Zach Braff and even John Malkovich. While 64% of those are flattering, it's always a little odd to be told that you look like someone else.

Now let's take it one step deeper/weirder. What if I told you that a part of your body looked like a celebrity? Remember these guys?

If you're a child of the 80s or 90s, you probably do, but for those of you born after 1996 let me introduce the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. These guys were the coolest thing since sliced pizza back in the day. Now, does that make it any more flattering when I tell you that you look like one of these heroes in a half shell? Well, not your entire face - just your nose. In fact, based on a website that I recently found, I'd venture to say that everyone's nose has a little bit of Turtle Power.

Check it out:

Adrian's nose is especially good at sniffing out pizza.

Splinter may have been more appropriate, but this works.

Raphael and The Hulk: Distant cousins?

Since this one has no color, do you see John Krasinski as more of a Leonardo or a Donatello?

Michelangelo looks very surprised to be on this face.

Why was Raphael the only turtle with a New York accent?

Get it?

This website, of course, spawned real-life imitations.

Check it! Raphael has chest hair!

Boom! TMNT now appeals to all ages!

If you're up for more bodacious beaks, head on over to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Noses website where, site creator, Simon Fletcher obviously has too much time on his hands.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Calling All Computer Nerds!

Is this really possible?

And this?

I remember the old floppy drives, and I remember the sounds they used to make, but my mind can't conceive how this kind of sound manipulation is possible!

Thanks to alert reader, Mitch, for sending the first video to me and blowing my mind.

So I ask you, faithful nerd readers, explain to me, in terms a 4th grader could understand, how does this work? Is this a real thing that you can do with just a disc and a drive? Or are they cheating somehow? I must know.

Also, would it be possible to do a duet with a floppy drive and a dial-up modem? Just curious.