Monday, May 19, 2008

Revenge of the Sith

The wicked have prevailed once again, my friends. I don't know if it was because of money, power or influence, but once again a bad man is walking free and have left the innocent without justice.

I'm talking, of course, about Darth Vader.

Some of you may have heard that there was a recent attack on the Jedi Church. Yes, there really is a Jedi Church. A certain group of men decided that they believed much of the fictional mottos and creeds that George Lucas made up while he was a lonely teenager. So they follow the Jedi doctrine and have all of the fun that the Jedi in Star Wars have. . .except they don't have lightsabers and they can't control the force. . . . . . . .huh. . . . . that doesn't seem like much. . . .but I do know that the Jedi in the movies take an oath of celibacy and I'm pretty sure these guys are following that or, at least, using it as an excuse for their lack of contact with females - "It's a choice! I swear!"

But I digress. A while back Arwel Wynne Hughes, a 27-year-old Welsh man dressed up as Darth Vader by using a black garbage bag and assaulted some members of the Jedi Church as they were doing some training exercises. Using a metal crutch as his lightsaber he attacked (and I am not making these names up) Master Jonba Hehol (aka Barney Jones) and his cousin Master Mormi Hehol (aka Michael Jones). Jonba got hit on the head, and Mormi received a bruised thigh. This truly was a disturbance in the force.

Why did Darth Hughes feel the need to attack these peaceful keepers of the peace? Was it because of his deep roots with the dark side? Was he following orders of the Emperor? Or was he really disappointed with George Lucas' latest versions of what was once a great franchise? Nope. He was just drunk. Arwel-kin claimed that he couldn't recall the incident because he had "drunk the better part of a 2 1/2-gallon box of wine beforehand."

It's still no excuse! This article, sent in by alert reader Miss Berrie, states that the slick Sith Lawyer, Frances Jones (there must be a lot of Jones' in Wales) convinced the judge that "He knows his behavior was wrong and didn't want it to happen but he has no recollection of it." Hmmmmm, that sounds like Dark Side talk to me.

And, after some research, I found what claims to be the video here.

The judge sentenced Darth VadHughes to two months in jail, yes, but he suspended the sentence for one year which is plenty of time for him to build a Death Star or something. And the judge gave him a fine of about $200, but that's nothing to Arwel Vader. His chest piece alone costs that much!

Will justice ever be served? I don't know. But it looks like this more like the ending of The Empire Strikes Back, rather than the ending of Return of the Jedi.

I don't want to leave you on a down note, so here's a different story about free cookies sent in by alert reader, Lobbie.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Five Movies I'm Excited to See This Summer

I love movies. And I'm happy to watch most any of them (except for anything made by, starring and or involving Tyler Perry in any way, shape or form -- BLAH!) so here are five movies that I'm excited to see this summer (and no, these aren't in any order):

#1 Iron Man
I know it is already out in theaters, but I haven't seen it, ergo, I still want to see it.

I know that he isn't one of the "mainstream" superheroes and that many of you out there don't know that much about him, but isn't that MORE incentive to go? I mean, wouldn't the Spider-Man movies have been MORE exciting if you DIDN'T know that the mutant spider was going to bite Peter and it was going to give him super pseudo-spider abilities?

Pointless story: Since I have been excited about this movie, I've been randomly quoting his lines from the Marvel Superheroes video game in my everyday life. . . .and just recently I realized that I was quoting Captain America and NOT Iron Man. Whoops. In my defense, I think the same guy does both voices.

Click here for the trailer

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Yes, we all know George Lucas has gone a little nuts in the last few years. Yes, we all know that Harrison Ford is getting a little old to play these kind of parts (they said the same thing about Sylvester Stallone) and Shia LaBeouf isn't the greatest young actor in America right now, but honestly, if you don't get chills when you hear that classic John Williams theme kick during the trailer, you're not human.

I happen to know more about this movie than I want to, though. I accidentally stumbled upon a spoiler a while back. I won't describe it here, but let's just say that I hope that it's not as corny as I think it's going to be.

Pointless story: I watched Temple of Doom a little while ago and remembered how much fun it really is. It gets a bad rep for the whole Satanic-heart-ripping-out thing, but it's really an entertaining film.

Click here for the trailer

Speed Racer

It looks like I'm going to have to see this one alone. Despite the fact that this film has amazing visuals and is made by the creators of the Matrix trilogy (ONE of which, I might add, was REALLY good), no one in my family wants to go see it because, and I quote, "I never really watched the show." NEITHER DID I!!! In fact, the only thing I remember about the cartoon is that it was bad Japanimation. But the film has a really cool look to it and I do want to see it on the big screen.

Pointless story: My real love for the theme song did NOT come from the television show. It actually stems from a version done by a band called Sponge on an Album called Saturday Morning Cartoons' Greatest Hits where alternative bands sang (you'll never guess!) Saturday Morning cartoon songs. It's actually a great album.

Click here for an especially cool 3-D version of this poster (just click and drag)

Click here for the trailer

#4 Hancock

This movie was first described to me as "that one movie where Will Smith throws a whale." That got my interest. And, upon watching the trailer, I found myself very interested in a movie about a homeless down-on-his-luck superhero who no one really likes. Plus, having Jason Bateman in it is a plus. And, since my wife thought the trailer was funny, I might not be going to this one all by myself. They need a better poster, though. When I first saw this one I thought it was about Will Smith trapped in a sandstorm or something like that.

Pointless story: My grandma's maiden name was Hancock.

Click here for the trailer

The Dark Knight
With Heath Ledger dying in January and a movie starring Heath Ledger coming out in July, I'll admit that this movie does have a weird feel to it now. And also I think it's nuts how early they started the advertising for this film (I remember watching a teaser trailer over a year ago), but each time I see a new poster or clip, I inevitably get excited. After all, Batman is my favorite superhero (I know. I admitted it at a family gathering last week).

Pointless story: Here are some actual names of things from Batman Comics, movies and TV series with "bat" in their name: Batalarm, Bat-a-rang, Batcave, Batcentrifuge, Batpole, Batcuffs, Bat Blowtorch, Bat earplugs, Batantidote, Batmobile, Batcopter, Batknife, Batzooka, Batcommunicator, Batanalyzer, Batcycle Go-cart, Batparachute, Batmagnet, Batkey, Batphone, Batsignal, Batladder, Batlaser gun and, my favorite, the shark repellent Batspray.

Click here for the trailer

Now, there are more movies that I would like to see this summer (like the new X-files movie! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!), but I'll get to those another time. Right now I need to start working hard and saving up so I can afford the gas it takes to drive to the movie theaters a couple blocks away.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Who Says Romance Is Dead?

Here in Utah, it's not enough for one boy to go up to one girl and ask "Do you want to go to the dance with me?" That's preposterous! The girl would (and should) laugh in your face -- how dare you gain enough courage to walk right up to them and ask them a straight question that they can immediately accept or reject!!! What you're SUPPOSED to do is come up with a creative way to let them know that you want to go with them to the dance -- preferably involving balloons, a haiku written on a giant boulder and a live chicken.

Well, apparently Utahns aren't the only weirdos out there. In Ann Arbor, Michigan, a group of lacrosse students got into legal trouble for the way they were asking. That's right, people, the bar has been raised.

Kristoff Wennersten, the asker, says that his prom proposal "had to be one-of-a-kind if it would have any chance of being accepted." I guess that the poor kid didn't have much confidence that the girl he wanted to ask, Carolyn Campbell, would say yes. So he had to go all out -- literally.

Wennersten says he had a "spur of the moment" idea and it involved 13 of his fellow lacrosse teammates. Originally, his friends suggested a sign, but Wennersten, being the innovative romantic he is, "pushed for a grander plan."

Finally, the asking took place during a Huron junior varsity soccer match on Thursday night. Little did Carolyn know what was in store. As she was watching the game the players displayed the question, "Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?" on their. . .uh. . . posteriors while mooning Huron senior Carolyn Campbell at a game. Wow. Be still my heart. That's just like something out of a Romantic Comedy! Move over, Patrick Dempsey!

Now, don't ask me the logistics of it all. I didn't do enough research to find out exactly who had what written on what, but I do know that, in order to answer, Carolyn had to pat the. . .uh. . .appropriate word depending on if she was going to say "Yes" or "No."

Now, many of you ladies out there may not have cared for this kind of chivalry, but Carolyn was flattered. She described the asking as "cute" and wasn't upset by it at all. She saw the true creative genius of Kristoff.

School officials must have missed the point completely. They took this grand romantic gesture as offensive and suspended the 13 players (it's an unlucky number - that's why they got in trouble!) for an undetermined amount of games and they all have to complete 20 hours of community service. The administration, the haters of obvious true love, also suspended the boys from school.

Nevermind the fact that there were probably parents and children in the crowd, Carolyn was the only girl in the room as far as Kristoff was concerned. When questioned about his actions, he simply replied, "I enjoyed every bit of it."

And then I bet he mooned the reporter, just to show how much he appreciated telling his side of the story.