Monday, September 27, 2010

The Path of Least Resistance

My apologies, faithful readers, but due to illness this post is going to be kind of a cop out. It's still going to have the same hilarious content you've come to expect, but less of the witty commentary and/or background information.

So, without further ado, here are a couple of videos I wanted to share with you.

The first one is no surprise, I've talked about Ok Go before. Here's their latest video for their song "White Knuckles":

Impressive, no?

Next up we have a Public Service Announcement (PSA) that I truly believe in, about an Important Issue Affecting All of Us (IIAAoU):

I'm a grandson, too. Save Betty White.

Now I'm going to get some rest and drink some fluids. But don't worry, faithful readers, I'll more than make up for it next month with four (count 'em - 4!) Halloween-related posts.

Until then, *cough.*

Monday, September 20, 2010

Doctor, It Hurts When I Sit

Hello, faithful readers. Here's a quick little math equation for you:


Plus this

Equals this

This is how the Chinese are controlling bench hoggers in their overcrowded park areas. The park officials got the idea for this modern torture device from a German sculptor named Fabian Brunsing. Brunsing was creating a hypothetical representation of the overcommercialization of society -- the Chinese government saw a way to keep people from sitting on park benches all day AND make some money in the process.

I hope you're happy with the results, China -- this may keep regular folks off of your benches, but now your parks are going to be a magnet for goths and sadomasochists from around the world.

Monday, September 13, 2010

It Ain't Easy (or Cheap) Being Cheesy

In the beginning, there was the grilled cheese.

And it was good! This simple lunch option consists of two pieces of bread, some American cheese or cheddar cheese and maybe some butter. It's usually on the children's menu, but it's enjoyed by both omnivores and vegetarians. Not vegans, though. Those guys are just too picky. Retail value -- around $2.00.

Then, the idea evolved to the Carl's Jr. Grilled Cheese Bacon Burger.
Ok, technically this isn't a "grilled cheese" because it has meat on it (sorry, vegetarians -- but, on the other hand, I'm not that sorry because meat is delicious -- you're really missing out). It features two slices of sourdough, two kinds of cheese, bacon and hamburger. You'll have to work off 820 calories after eating this baby (which is probably around 6 push-ups), but I actually can't find it on the Carl's Jr. website anymore. Retail value -- $2.49.

Next up in the evolution chain is this latest invention from TV chef Martin Blunos.
Now how much would you pay for this sandwich? What, faithful readers? You want to know what's on it? Ok.

This cheese sandwich is made with sourdough bread, cheddar, white truffles (fungus), extra virgin olive oil, quail egg slices, heirloom black tomato, epicure apple, fresh figs, mustard red frills, pea shoots, red amaranth and it is topped with 100-year-old balsamic vinegar. Oh, and did I mention is sprinkled with gold dust? No, I'm not making any of that up.

So, how much would you pay? Did I hear 50 dollars? $75? $100? Well, you can stop holding your breath in anxious anticipation. It goes for £111.95. For those of you who don't know the current exchange rate of pounds to dollars, 1 British pound = 1.5351 US dollars. For those of you who aren't good at math, that's about $171.85. Plus tax. And tip. And cab fare. And don't forget about the babysitter.

Seriously? Would you pay that much for a cheese sandwich? Even if it's covered in edible gold dust?

Most of the cost actually comes from the truffles (fungi). The chef collaborated with expert (i.e. snooty) cheese-makers to blend the white truffles (seriously! It's a fungus!) with West Country Farmhouse Cheddar. This cheese and truffle (synonyms for fungi: growth, slime, spore-bearing syncytia, blight) mixture costs over 141 dollars all by itself. Even if you tell them to hold the truffle (WAKE UP! IT'S A BLINKIN' FUNGUS, PEOPLE!) because you brought your own mushrooms (retail cost: 2 or 3 bucks at your local grocery store), you're still gonna be paying 30 bucks for this economic monstrosity.

As for me and my house, we're just gonna warm up the stove, get some sliced bread, some Kraft singles and maybe do something crazy -- like add ham. We're wild like that.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Stay on Balance. . .Stay on Balance. . .

Commander Drury: Smart, you appear to be in pretty good shape, do you work out?
Maxwell Smart: I jog one hundred miles every day! Would you believe it? One hundred miles!
Commander Drury: I find that hard to believe.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe fifty?
Commander Drury: No.
Maxwell Smart: How about two push ups and a deep breath?

Like Maxwell Smart, I don't exercise as much as I should. It could be because I don't like the way I look in gym clothes, it could because I don't like to sweat, but I think it's probably because I haven't encountered an exercise routine that I found to be fulfilling or enjoyable.


A writer named Meredith, over at has come up with a yoga routine that I can fully support: Star Wars Yoga!

Just follow along with the poses below and you'll be fit as a Fambaa in no time:

You can see the rest of the Star Wars Yoga moves at As much as I like this list, however, I am a little shocked that there were no Jedi-themed yoga positions, nor was there ANY pun on the similarities between the word "yoga" and a certain little puppet voiced by Frank Oz. All too easy? Maybe. But come on!

Oh well.

May the flexibility be with you!