Monday, February 25, 2008

Hi, I'm Elmo. . .WANNA PLAY?

I don't want to alarm any of you.

Ok, that's a lie. I do. I have some terrible news. News that may shock some of you, and may confirm what most of you already know.

Elmo is evil!!!

In fact, research has shown that E-L-M-O (Elmo) is only three letters away from E-V-I-L (evil). It's a scientific fact.

Want further proof? Ok, he's a red, furry, creature. And history has shown that the majority of RED furry creatures have been communists.

Still not convinced? Ok, if you change the letters E, L, M, and O to Roman numerals and divide it by the number of letters in the phrase "Sesame Street" then you get 666!!!!

Ok, that's another lie. But the following is true: I just read an article that told the story about a family in Florida who had an Elmo doll that was threatening to kill their 2-year-old son!

The Bowman family had purchased one of those talking Elmo dolls that you can program your child's name into by hooking it up to a computer. It worked fine at first, but after a battery change it had a glitch and it just kept repeating "Kill James" over and over again (James is the name of the 2-year-old for those of you people not following along). Now was this just "a glitch" or was the doll turning evil and plotting the demise of an entire Florida family? Well, knowing me and sensing the tone of this entry, you have to know I'm thinking the latter.

STILL don't believe me? Ok, fine, I warned you. Here's the video. It'll haunt your nightmares in the darkest hour of the night!!

So, there you go. Now zombies aren't the only thing we have to worry about, now it's evil dolls. Well, MORE evil dolls. Most dolls have been pretty evil/creepy for years.

Or it could be the computer that was evil and was taking over the innocent doll. But evil computers are another story.

Sweet dreams!


Mike said...

look Joel, I'm reading a blog! If furry red creatures are communists then what does that make Clifford the Dog???

Don't go there, Joel...don't go there!

Jeff Tromphlin said...

Let's not forget about the Brat Pack movie "St. Elmo's Fire." As we all know, Emilio Estevez, who starred, is the son of Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen is an outspoken liberal and even played a Democrat on tv! And Democrats are the closest thing to Communists! Gasp!

The Former 786 said...

Um, Mike...I already went there. You should click on the different colored words and you'll see a whole slew of hidden messages and explanations.

And Jeff, you promised you'd never bring up the Brat Pack again. Pretty in Pink was the LAST straw!!

The Shark said...

Wow. I didn't know you had a blog. Maybe I'll come back. No promises, though.