Blinded by the Flashbulbs

One of the hardest things about writing this blog (aside from coming up with the subject material, getting the will-power to actually write something, and finding all the pointless hyperlinks) is the publicity. People will just not leave The Former 786 alone. I can't go anywhere these days without someone saying "Can I get you to sign here?" and "Can I see your driver's license?" and "Can I get your name for when we call out your order, sir?" It's maddening. Fans just can't get enough of me - especially when I am dining out. Which is why, I must admit, that I was shocked when I found out that there is a website out there now that allows you to HIRE YOUR OWN PAPARAZZI for a day! Now THAT is insanity! Now, when I say "for a day," I'm actually hyperbolizing (it's a word - look it up). Packages start at about 500 bucks and for that you only get four (4) paparazzi following you around for a half-hour. I mean, come on, how much can you really do in a half-hour? But there are other packages and options, too. For only 800 bucks you can actually BE a paparazzo on the streets of LA! Wow, you mean we can have the chance to wander the streets like a bum and mindlessly follow D-List celebrities around to see them eating a salad while we annoy innocent bystanders and block traffic in the hopes that one of them can knock us down so we can publicize it and sue them for millions???? Sign me up!! But, in all seriousness and sincerity, can't one do this package on your own, for free? Hollywood celebrities are constantly hounded by the press, while being bombarded by flashbulbs and inappropriate questions - not to mention the constant danger they're in of accidentally running a paparazzi member over or having one run into your fist. So why would the "Average Joel" choose to subject themselves to this? I guess it's just an ego thing for people who are starved for attention. . . . . . . . . . . I just booked the All-Inclusive Vacation package.