Monday, March 22, 2010

Everybody Knows that the World is Full of Stupid People

Hopefully I'm not the only who remembers that "Banditos" song by The Refreshments, otherwise the title of this blog is going to seem a bit cruel.

But maybe I need to be cruel, because some people are, let's face it, stupid. Some people just don't seem to think things through and their stupidness, unfortunately, affects others around them.

Case in point, Michael Karanja Kamau from Pittsburgh, PA. Michael went to a Jay-Z concert (no, I'm not calling him stupid for that, although I am questioning his musical tastes - I'm on Team Beyonce) and apparently was not very responsible in his drinking, or in his choice of clothing. On the way back to his home Michael got cold and decided to seek shelter. . .in the home of one Frank Fontana. Frank and Michael do not know each other.

Around 5:30 in the morning, Frank was awoken by someone getting into bed with him. I guess Frank was pretty tired, because instead of actually rolling over and seeing who was climbing into his sheets, he sleepily asked if it was his girlfriend, who had keys to his house. A deep baritone voice then replied, "No, it's not." That woke Frank up.

Frank jumped up and grabbed a bat and held Michael at bay until police arrived. When police asked Michael what he was doing, he replied that he was cold and wanted to come inside. And it seems that Michael REALLY wanted to get warm because he broke down two different doors to get into Frank "Deep Sleeper" Fontana's bedroom. Cops said that while Michael was intoxicated, he was "not to the point that he could not realize what was occurring." Michael was charged with criminal trespass and criminal mischief.

"But, The Former 786," you say, "drunk-stupid is not the same as stupid-stupid. I still believe people are inherently smart."

Round 2! *bell rings*

Picture with me, if you will, a furniture store in Kenniwick, WA at night. A stealthy criminal sneaks into the unsuspecting Bella Office Furniture store, making sure not to trip any alarms or leave any DNA evidence of who he is. As he looks over his bounty, his mind races and his pulse quickens when he begins to think of how much money he can make selling the stolen goods.

This master thief decides not to waste any time taking stuff that won't sell, so he gets on the store's computer and logs into his MySpace account (did I mention he was 17 years old?) and starts posting things that he's planning to sell - just to see if there are any takers, I guess. Then, since he was online already, he decides to surf the web for a while - five hours, to be exact. But who HASN'T let time slip away like that when you're online in the middle of a heist? Time flies, man.

The police had no problem finding him - he left quite the trail of bread crumbs.

"But, The Former 786," you say, "young-stupid is not the same as stupid-stupid. I still believe people are inherently smart."

Round 3! *bell rings*

Click here for undeniable proof that people are stupid.

"You win, The Former 786. You win."

I know. Thanks for admitting it.


--jeff * said...

first: around the same time that "banditos" was hot on the air, the alt-glam-rock group spaceog (of whom i was a fan) had a song called "cruel to be kind", so it is ok to be cruel.
i think.

maybe not.

second: i'm glad your "michael at bay" link was what i hoped it would be.

third: "bella furniture store" was also a winner for me.

fourth: if you're insinuating that rick astley is stupid, you won't see any comments from me on here for a while.
if you're simply showing that we can still get rick roll'd, then we're still cool.

last: i just saw that you have a link to "badger badger badger." i'm going to spend 5-10 minutes on that site now.

shelly said...

Did I just get Rick Roll'd?
Well there's a first for everything!

The Former 786 said...

Jeff, I, in no way, meant anything derogatory about Rick Astley. I'm glad we can still be friends. And, as always, I appreciate your insights/comments.

Shelly, Boo-yah!