Monday, December 31, 2012

2012: Someone Else's Look Back

2012 is done.

We made it, faithful readers - and no thanks to John Cusack.

We finished out the year that the Mayans thought would be our end. I guess that will teach them to have Harold Camping lead up their calendar project (ZING!). I, of course, knew that the world wasn't going to end in 2012 because Marty McFly visited the year 2015 -- and we only have two more years for those hoverboards to become a reality.

Now while I could do an end-of-year post, reflecting on the good times of 2012 and the bad, it would pale in comparison of Dave Barry's Year in Review. For those of you who don't know who Dave Barry is, shame on you. For those of you who do know Dave Barry, you're still mourning the loss of his regular humor column and relish in his annual contributions, such as his holiday gift guide and, of course, the Year in Review. Dave Barry's writing style is the one I wished to emulate when I started Slice of Fried Gold. And here we are four years later I still am in awe about how insightful Dave is, as well as how sharp his wit still is, even though he's well into his 90s by now, right?

So, without further ado, I present to you Dave Barry's Year in Review for your reading pleasure.

What? You didn't click the embedded link above or the picture yet? You still need a little incentive? Ok, here are some brief excerpts to wet your whistle:

"The emerging front runner is Mitt Romney, who combines a strong resume of executive experience with the easygoing natural human warmth of a parking meter. Still in contention, however, is Newt Gingrich, whose popularity surges briefly, only to wane when voters begin to grasp the fact that he is Newt Gingrich. This opens the door for Rick Santorum, whose strong suit is that he has a normal first name, and who apparently at one point was a senator or governor of Pennsylvania or possibly Vermont."

"In Spain and Greece, hundreds of thousands of people take to the streets in protest against government-imposed austerity measures necessitated by the fact that for the past five years pretty much nobody in Spain or Greece has done anything except take to the streets in protest."

"In sports, the National Football League imposes stiff penalties on the New Orleans Saints following the shocking revelation that some Saints players might have deliberately committed acts of violence against opposing players for monetary gain, which is of course totally contrary to the spirit of professional football. Commissioner Roger Goodell states that the NFL is also investigating disturbing allegations that players sometimes deliberately knock their opponents to the ground via a violent tactic known as 'tackling.'"

Read more here:

"A tragic fatal drama plays out on the streets of New York City, where police officers fire 183 bullets into a man who, according to witnesses, was about to take a sip from a Big Gulp, which he apparently obtained in New Jersey. The shooting is defended by Mayor Bloomberg, who notes that if the officers had not acted quickly, the man 'could have placed himself in very real danger of becoming obese.'"

"Apple releases the much-anticipated iPhone 5, which receives some criticism for its glitchy map software and the fact that it uses a different connector from all the other iPhones and iPhone accessories. Also, it can neither make nor receive telephone calls. Nevertheless, it is a big hit with Apple fans, who line up to buy it even as they eagerly anticipate the forthcoming iPhone 5s, which, rumor has it, will require 3D glasses."

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Happy New Year, faithful readers!

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Read mor"

"New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, having dealt with all of the city’s other concerns — disaster preparation, for example — turns his attention to the lone remaining problem facing New Yorkers: soft drinks. For far too long, these uncontrolled beverages have roamed the city in vicious large-container packs, forcing innocent people to drink them and become obese. Bloomberg’s plan would prohibit the sale of soft drinks in containers larger than 16 ounces, thereby making it impossible to consume larger quantities, unless, of course, somebody bought two containers, but the mayor is confident that nobody except him would ever be smart enough to think of that.

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