Shifting Subjects Through Switching Transitions

There were a number of fun news stories I read this week and since I've been a bum about giving you a "real" post the last little while, I thought I'd combine them all in one, semi-continuous story - while trying not to make this post mind-numbingly long. Let's see how it goes. And don't forget to vote for your favorite!!!

First off, I'd like to start with a food story. This could be because I haven't had lunch yet, but it's mostly because I like food. In fact, when I'm hungry there are only a few things that will top the "getting food" priority on my list. I don't need anything special or fancy to eat, just something quick and tasty. This is why I can relate to Jermaine Askia Cooper from Fort Wayne, Indiana. Good ol' Wayne is a drug dealer who recently led the police on a high-speed chase through the city. However, instead of trying to make his getaway at the last minute, he stopped and was arrested at a Taco Bell restaurant. "Why?" you may ask. Because, as Cooper put it, he knew he was going to jail for a while and he wanted to get one last burrito. Police reported that he did not get the burrito.

It's a good thing Cooper didn't go to T.G.I. Friday's because it could have been his last meal on earth (yes, this is also a food story). Jack Pendleton recently dined at one of these fine establishments in Clifton Park, New York and found a severed snake head in his broccoli. Pendelton was understandably upset because he hated broccoli (ZING!). The snake head was not cooked (the broccoli was), so it is thought that someone placed the snake head in the food after it was prepared. State police are investigating. The funny thing is that Pendelton isn't your average American citizen and didn't want to sue the company for all they have. In fact, he only took a cell phone picture of the snake head and sent it to some friends and it was one of THEM that posted it on a consumer complaint website. He probably wasn't angry because he knows that snakes are venomous, not poisonous.

That kind of knowledge about snakes comes from an education, something which Shantel Lee Jones obviously doesn't have (this is NOT a food story). Jones was recently stopped in Orem, Utah for a traffic violation. During the traffic stop, the officer found out that Jones' license was suspended. The officer gave Jones a citation and told her not to drive. Five minutes later, the same officer observed Shantel Jones driving again. This time she failed to yield to a firetruck that was trying to get around her (yes, it was doing the lights and sirens). The officer pulled her over again, gave her another citation and told her, once again, NOT TO DRIVE. But Jones, it seems, may have bigger problems on her hands because two hours later she was busted at the University Mall (yes, she drove there, too) for shoplifting. She was then taken to Utah County Jail and told not to leave. Let's hope she listens to the officer this time.

Officers in Clarendon County, South Carolina probably got an earful from the group of ladies at a Waffle House (yes, this is another food story - I need to eat before writing these posts). Crystal Samuel and her friends were getting some breakfast at the eatery and while Samuel was still waiting for her order, her friends, who had already gotten their food, starting eating their meals while they were waiting for Samuel. Yakeisha Ward, the waitress at Waffle House, informed Samuel and her friends that the Waffle House bylaws stated that they couldn't eat from carryout trays inside the restaurant. This did not sit well with Samuel and her friends and waffles were thrown. I'm not kidding. Things escalated even further and ended up in the parking lot with profanities, fisticuffs and a gun. You can see the details and the winning personalities of those involved on the video here. Mmmmmmmm, that All-Star breakfast sure sounds good right about now. . .

In fact, I'm going to make me some lunch right about now, so here's the link for the final story. This one is for all of you out there who feel like you're different from the rest of your family.

LUNCH TIME!