Monday, May 3, 2010

Life is SO Hard Without Stuff!


The very word is both entertaining and annoying at the same time. People may say that they hate infomercials, but, trust me, these are the same people who are watching paid programming at 1:34 in the morning saying "you know, I really DO need a juicer that can polish my shoes."

Many marketers have uttered the phrase "the product sells itself," but that's not always the case for some of these As Seen on TV items. Some products are, in fact, pointless, and it's up to the pitchman and the writers to make it seem like it's not only desirable, but absolutely necessary for your well-being! Hence, the "life is so hard" portion of the infomercial.

You know what I'm talking about - this is the black and white flashback that shows how hard it is to accomplish anything the "normal" way. It proudly displays the difficulty of using a regular old knife, a complicated remote control or even a troublesome blanket. The creators of these infomercials think that people watching this part of the program will say "Hey, yeah! It IS hard to accomplish day-to-day tasks without the aid of useless, expensive and unnecessary products!" and will immediately pick up their phone and start dialing.

So, without further ado, I present to you a montage of these "life is so hard" clips - see how many of these "problems" you encounter on a daily basis:

Makes you wonder what each one of those clips is selling, doesn't it?

Well, because you asked, kickintheheadcomic, the creator of this video, has graciously included a list of the products featured in this video, and I have graciously hyperlinked each one of them. CAUTION! Most, if not all of these sites are annoying! Open at your own risk:

Awesome Auger
Big City Slider
Big Top Cupcake
Bottle Tops
Buxton Palm Wallet
Cami Secret
Crazy Critters
Doggy Step
Egg Genie
Emery Cat
EZ Cracker
Grip N Twist, Dual Pro Peeler and Adjust-A-Slice
Handy Groomer
JML Exakt Saw
JML Keep Fresh Bags
JML Paint Sprayer Pro
JML Table Mate Dub
JumpSnap the Ropeless Jump Rope - (blogger's note: I think this is my favorite)
Magic Tap
mighty mend it
Pedi Pistol - Home Pedicure Systems by Ped Egg
Perfect Brownie
Perfect Button
Perfect Patty
Perfect Shelf
Pet Cozy
Shoe Dini
Shoes Under
Smart Spin - (blogger's note: I do actually own this product)
Spill Daddy Paint Pro
Tiddy Bear
Tool Band-It
Twin Draft Guard
Twist n Style
UGO Bags
Urine Gone
Vidalia Slice Wizard

Hey! Why do you have your credit card out? Put it back! Can't you see those sites have brainwashed you? Put it back right now! Now step away from the computer and move away slowly. That's right. . .keep going. . .

You can return when you've come to your senses.


Sara Ann said...

Is it sad that I actually recognized most of those clips? I love infomercials and the "As Seen on TV" store is one of my favorite stores at the mall! Where else could you buy a pair of toenail clippers with an attached magnifying glass?

--jeff * said...

so that's why my life is so hard! (reaches for credit card...)

in junior high (or maybe high school), i used to love to watch the ronco food dehydrator commercials. and there was another model by some other company that same time, and they would each declare why they were the best. you could make your own fruit roll-ups, for crying out loud!

shelly said...

They have infomercials on Qubo (kids station) and my kids tell me all the time that I could make my hair go from flat to fabulous! And I can sell my unwanted gold for cash! These are really funny coming out of the mouths of children who you can barely understand. I finally relented and bought bumpits and showed my kids what these products actually are. Needless to say I don't look fabulous in bumpits! ;)

Maren McCaleb said...

I love the guy looking at the tiny hamburger in the huge bun. I feel like that every time I eat homemade hamburgers. If only there was a better way to make the perfect patty at home!

Lobbie said...

Oh gosh, the bumpit site said there was a hair revolution and I MISSED it! I'm so out-of-touch.

The cupcake one is one of my favorites. When I was on tour that would come on a lot at night. And man, do I hate looking like a fool when my cakes aren't cool. I mean, apparently if you make a cake, you only have white frosting, but a giant cupcake has so many more possibilities!