Saturday, August 9, 2008

Breaking Silence

I can't take it anymore!

I've stood by silently for too long. I may have commented privately to certain individuals about my feelings in the past, but I need to broadcast my feelings to the world now.

I hate the Twilight series.

I've read too many blogs and have listened to too many people gushing about how much they love the series and how wonderful the books are. What a crock!

I initially had no problem with the books when they first came out. I even thought about reading them. I mean, after all, I like vampires. I like werewolves. I like reading good books. However, I soon found out that the very reason I dislike this series is precisely because of how much I like the aforementioned things.

Now I realize that it wasn't fair for me to judge the books without reading them. Therefore, I read the whole series on Wikipedia (which was painful enough, believe me). Before I just disliked them - now I hate them.

Why, you may ask? I'll tell you why (that's the purpose of this post, afterall). But it wouldn't be fair to give a one-sided criticism about this series of books, so I will now list the pros and cons of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.




WARNING! THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM ALL OF THE BOOKS.




Pros:

1. The covers are kind of cool (although Stephenie Meyer admitted she really didn't have much to do with those).

Cons:

1. The books are not well-written. I've heard from a number of different people (some of them who even liked the books) that the writing is repetitive, immature and cliched.

2. Vampires have fangs. As far as I can tell Edward and his gang basically just gnaw at the necks of their victims. Fangs, I guess, would have been too unattractive for Ms. Meyer. Joss Whedon managed to make vampires attractive with fangs, though, as well as others.

3. They're trashy romance novels for pre-teen girls. If you look at the storyline, the writing and the characters this is a romance novel like any other romance novel (i.e. strong-willed woman and the mysterious man who she fears, and then loves.) This is the gateway book to get girls reading Danielle Steele and the like.

4. Bella, the main character, wants to have sex, wants to become a vampire (aka "The damned") and yet she freaks out when Edward DARES to suggest marriage. Do I need to say anymore on this one?

5. Bella is a selfish, self-centered, whiny, manipulative, moody idiot. I do not like her as a fictional character. I could not relate to her as a protagonist. I don't want my daughter to emulate her and I would not want to associate with someone like her in real life.

6. Vampires burn in the daylight. In almost any other vampire folklore sunlight will turn vampires to ash and dust. On the contrary, in these novels the sun makes them glisten and sparkle. Once again, this is Stephanie trying to make the vampires seem more appealing and marketable instead of having any regard for the years of traditional folklore that came before her.

7. Stephenie Meyer admitted that she didn't do any research when she wrote these books. That explains a lot, but it's not an excuse. I would give you the reference for that quote, but I decided not to do any research when writing this post.

8. Vampires don't attend school. Sure, they may get bored, but since they're stuck at one age for eternity I don't think he could pass as a student for very long. Apparently Edward is going to look like a high-school student forever. Acne? Forever? Sounds horrible to me.

9. How many times can you say that Edward is "like marble" or "cold stone," Stephenie?? Seriously!

10. Vampires aren't witches, wizards or mutants. Apparently Meyer got "supernatural" mixed up with "superheroes" and made it so her vampires can read minds, see the future (but they can't see werewolves in their visions. . .that would be crazy) and create invisible shields. They're vampires, Stephenie, not the X-men.

11. This isn't an original idea. There have been a ton of stories about a mortal girl falling for a vampire before. There was even an entire book series called "The Vampire Diaries" which was released back in the 90s and there are some striking similarities in their stories.

12. I don't like Jacob. He follows Bella around like a little lost puppy (HA! It's a canine joke!) even though she treats him like dirt and OBVIOUSLY was going to end up with Edward. Plus, he is in love with Edward and Bella's baby. EW!

13. The whole concept of "imprinting" is just ridiculous. It just is. Face it.

14. There is WAY too much sex in these books. Especially in the last one. Good heavens, Meyer, know your audience! Quit talking about how violent vampire sex is and how much Bella wants to have it! These books are for little girls, for crying out loud!

15. The books make references to Shakespeare and other great literature. If you're a beginning writer, don't mention classic writings in your book - it only draws comparison to your work. And trust me, Stephenie, you don't want that.

16. Bella gets too depressed, too often. She's teaching young girls that it's ok to act like it's the end of the world when your high school boyfriend breaks up with you.

17. Edward gets too depressed, too often. He contemplates suicide when he thinks she's dead. Dude, you're telling me that in the last 100 years or so that you've been alive that you've never had a girl leave you before? Bella's not that great, Edward. You could have done better.

18. Vampires sleep in coffins. This is usually to help shield them from the sunlight, but Stephenie already threw that theory out the window along with fact that vampires can't see their reflection (Alice shows Bella her reflection in a mirror after she becomes a vampire).

19. Stephenie calls them "werewolves" during the whole series and then suddenly revealed at the end that they were just "shape-shifters" that happen to turn into wolves. This ruined most of my complaints about the way she portrayed werewolves (i.e. they communicate telepathically, they are conscious of their actions when they're wolves, they protect the human race and they ride motorcycles - werewolves only ride on top of vans) since they weren't real werewolves anyway. Touche, Ms. Meyer. You win this round by your "clever" twist at the end.

20. Vampires can't have children! Once again, for those of you who didn't get it the first time, they're damned. They can't progress. They're creatures who are cursed. Even the great Edward himself states that a vampire is a "soulless monster." Stephenie Meyer tries to wrap it up in a neat, little package, but there is no "happily ever after" for vampires.


END OF SPOILERS




So, there you go. I could (and maybe should) go on, but I'll leave it at this for now. I've weighed the pros and cons of the books and now you can decide for yourself what you think about them - after all, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

25 comments:

jo said...

I'm actually really glad you posted this post. I kept feeling the pressure to read these books even though I had an aversion to them... but now I know why I probably had an aversion to them.


In other words, thank you for the warning. I won't be waisting my time.

Katie Elaine said...

hear hear. except that I still read them and will probably see the movie, even though it looks HORRIBLE!

Rammells said...

Joe,

YES. THANKYOU. AMEN.

I could only stomach a few pages. Bravo for trudging through the entire series. These are trashy romance novels, PERIOD.

Sara Ann said...

Ditto Ditto Ditto... I too read these books (I have not read the last one yet, and probably won't) and did not really like them for many of the same reasons you listed. I just don't get it....

The Woolley's said...

Interesting...see I heard from people they were very clean and a good romance. I suppose that helps me know who's opinions to trust. Thanks for the heads-up

Amber

Jay said...

I have had zero desire to read these books my wife has read them all & enjoyed them. I told her if they aren't killing those vampires & werewolves w/stakes & silver bullets it isn't worth reading. If you want a really good monster book check this local guy out: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/
mhi-sample-chapters/

Brooke Bennett said...

I have had no desire to read any of them. This confirms my great decision!

Shelly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelly said...

I must respectfully disagree with the conclusions you have drawn. While most of the arguments you made are based in fact, I don't agree with the perspective of "every vampire or werewolf myth, story and legend are unchangable". They are fake and imaginary....therefore nobody can "incorrectly" portray them. People might not like the way it is written.....but it doesn't make it wrong.

It's a good story with good characters in my opinion, but to each their own. There are some "classics" that I deign to read, because I cannot stand them.

The Former 786 said...

Shelly,

I don't remember saying that "every vampire or werewolf myth, story and legend are unchangeable," but wherever you found that quote - I also would disagree with it. There are MANY variations on the myths and traditions.

However, in the majority of folklore, the authors will vary a little bit here and there, but will stick to a few basic rules and traditions. Stephanie Meyer disregarded the folklore so much that her "vampires" are hardly recognizable as vampires. She should call them "harble-garbles" or something like that because they're practically an entirely new creature. Meyer, at least, admitted that her werewolves weren't really werewolves.

And there is also some classic literature that I don't care to read, either. But this kind of seems to jump subjects because these novels will never be considered "classics" so I don't see the connection. :)

I do respect your opinion, though, thanks for commenting.

The Former 786 said...

And thank you Jo, Katie Elaine, Rammells, Sara Ann, The Woolley's, Jay and Brooke Bennett for commenting as well.

I feared that my wife and I were the only ones in the world who felt this way. :)

Katya said...

It's actually StephEnie. But that's the only thing I disagree with. ;)

The Former 786 said...

Ah.

Good point, Katya. You'd think I would have not messed that up considering I have her name on each of her covers on the post.

Whoops.

David said...

Thank you, Joel. I applaud you. And I'm glad to find your blog. Hours of entertainment, I'm sure.

Tracy said...

Have you ever heard the word "Fiction"?

sillyandie said...

This is fabulous!!!!! I will admit that I LOVED the books, but I also agree with all of your comments. I'm a hopeless romantic, who HATES Bella, and knew she wasn't good enough for Edward OR Jacob. But alas, the romantic side of me wins, and I will likely read them again.

It appeals to all of us that want to get swept off our feet by someone that is so amazing that they can't be real and it feels like a dream. Every little girl has the dream to be rescued by a "prince" of some kind.

And yes - her depiction is VERY inaccurate, but still enjoyable for those of us that aren't into that sort of thing.

I really appreciate seeing your side of things though, and I agree, but I still liked the books, and will see the movie.

Marie said...

haha. I like your pros section. I would like to add one more con though. Bella and Edward's relationship is unhealthy, obsessive, manipulative and abusive and teaches girls that infatuation is the end all be all of "love". After all, Bella really knows NOTHING of Edward as a person when she falls irreversibly in "love" with him. All the other stuff I can get over, but when mothers who are supposed to be teaching their girls what a good relationship is are instead gushing over an arrogant and controlling grouch that makes his girlfriend feel like crap all the time, that's where I draw the line.

The Former 786 said...

Tracy, yes I have heard of fiction. This is a poor excuse for it.

Sillyandie, I can respect the idea that every little girl has this dream, but I just wish that every little girl wasn't reading this book. They're too adult for them. And I wish that every grown woman wouldn't swoon over them - because they're for kids. :)

Marie, I couldn't agree more. This is a very valid point for the con side. I was infatuated a number of times when I was in junior high and kids need to know that that is NOT real love.

Thank you all for commenting so far, keep 'em coming!

Summer said...
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Summer said...
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Summer said...

Ok, third time's a charm! It's really late and I'm having a hard time spelling!

HaHaHa! I DIED laughing reading this post because it is SO TRUE!!! That being said, I did read them all and even liked them. WHY? Good question. I heard someone say once, "Sometimes you want a steak and baked potato and sometimes you want a milkshake and french fries."

AWESOME POST! I especially love all the linkage!

Meaghan said...

I see your views on this and I'm not here to argue. But I read all four books, and I love them all, except for the last one. And I agree it does get repetitive at times. But for what you said on #8 about acne, vampires don't get acne. #14: she doesn't describe the sex. she just hints that they had it. My mom read and thought nothing wrong of it. #17: Edward has said that he's never wanted a humans blood so much in his life. and in first chpt. of Midnight Sun that Stephanie Meyer leaked he mentions how he's never gone out with anyone for their own safety. And he loves her. #19: they ride motorcycles when they're in their human form. #20: I agree with you that she tried to "wrap it up in a neat little package" but in interviews she's done and on her website she clearly says that this isn't your average vampire story. She changed it to the way she wanted it to be. You cant judge someone for trying something different.

Like I said I'm not here to argue, I'm glad you have your opinion on these books and reading it makes me think about it and go "oh yeah its true" but not enough to make me hate the books.

gigi said...

while reading your post, i was like listening to myself...

I hate the books. They're not creative and the plot was so corny. I didn't like it the first time I heard of it but read it anyway because of the hype.

Now I don't get what's the hype all about. These books aren't even real vampire books, more like fairy tales. A lot of us here hate it for popular and stupid.

Anne Rice' books are the real vampire books. We shouldn't waste time and effort with books like these..

I think my little sister can come up with a better one.

Nina said...

I loved reading this. You are very right. Though, i have one comment on the last con. Your right to some extent about the ability for vampires to breed. Depending on which kind your talking about, the women can't but the men, if they manually heat their body temp to a specific amount they can... :) i loved reading ur pros and cons cause they were so true

Amy said...

I totally understand why you wouldn't like it and I agree with you on a lot of points. I like it because I think it is a fun read and it keeps me entertained. I do think that the writing isn't that great and I agree vampires should have fangs! It's not the most perfect or thought out series, but I still find it entertaining :)