Times is Hard, Times is Hard

There are few things more depressing than seeing an actor you like fall on hard times. For example, I remember I really used to enjoy the Not Quite Human Disney Sunday Movie series and I remember feeling really sad when I saw Chip on a Napa Auto Parts commercial. And there was another time I saw Wallace from Veronica Mars doing a commercial for pizza rolls. Whenever you see a former star doing random TV commercials, you know they're not doing that well.

However, the only thing worse than seeing a favorite celeb in a crappy commercial is seeing someone formerly famous become a criminal.

Case in point - July 22nd, 2010, Setauket, New York. A star we all know and love has obviously hit rock bottom. I don't know how to tell you this, so. . .well. . .just. . .just look at this:

Yes, faithful readers, our friend Anakin has joined the Dark Side once again. I am as saddened as you are.

The Sith Lord strolled in to the Chase bank in Long Island just before noon last Thursday and demanded money from the understandably intimidated teller. Vader must really be struggling because he's pawned off his lightsaber and, apparently, his pants. He was brandishing a clumsy and random handgun and he was wearing camouflage trousers. However, he has still held on to his respirator, cape and helmet.

The service representative, not wanting to get her throat crushed, decided to comply. She gave him the money and he stuffed it into a bag with a New York Yankees logo on it (maybe he's got some sponsorships in the works). And it seems the senior Skywalker must have really been having a bad day because he also punched a random customer on the way out.

And who's to blame for all this? The media, of course.

Hollywood is typical for stereotyping and typecasting. I guess they didn't think that an aging former Jedi Knight (he never made Master, it's true) that requires a respirator could play any part other than an evil overlord. He was pigeon-holed into that role. And since George Lucas decided to end Anakin's story in 2005, Vader had nowhere else to go.

It's not like Darth couldn't have done other parts. I could see him in an action movie - he does have the force and could probably beat up some of the lesser action stars, like Steven Seagal. He also could have been in a horror movie - with his mask off, he kind of looks like Jason Voorhees. He even could have pulled off a romantic comedy - I can see the titles now: "Vader of the Bride" or "Sith Magic Moment."

You just have to give Anakin a chance, Hollywood! I mean, no one thought Tom Hanks could pull off a dramatic acting job back in the day, but look at him now! All he does is dramatic movies!

However, I can see some good come out of this. Even though Darth Vader now has a criminal record here in the US (before it was just intergalactic crimes, and those don't carry over universal borders), any publicity is good publicity, right? This may get him noticed by Hollywood producers. And, if nothing else, this robbery could get Vader some merchandising deals.

"I find your lack of savings disturbing. . ."

Wedding Sirens

Since a good friend of mine is getting married soon, I thought I'd give him some advice - seeing as how I've been married over a year and am now an expert. So, Jeff, this is for you. Take these things to heart and things will sail smoother than a sailboat on a smooth lake.

First of all, don't believe the old adage of "Don't go to bed angry." Sometimes you need to sleep things off and things will look brighter in the morning. If you stay up to resolve an argument you're just going to get sleepier and grumpier as the night wears on.

Save the planet and conserve water - shower together.

Get plenty of sleep before the wedding day and carry snacks on you. You'll be surprised how quickly your mood will shift when you get tired and hungry on your wedding day and they're still taking pictures.

Show interest in your spouse's interests even if you're really not interested in their interests. Interesting, no?

Always give 110%, even if that's not logically or humanly possible to give more than 100%.


But probably the most important advice I can give you, Jeff, on your special day, is to make sure that you get any restraining orders taken care of between you and your loved one!!!