Urine For a Surprise!

Whether we admit it or not, smartphones have made bathroom stall time a lot less tedious. People who would abhor the thought of bringing a book into a bathroom are now surfing the web, shooting birds at pigs and generally spending eight times as long in the stall than they did before. But what about the urinal? It's still just the same, boring, strictly business process. . .

UNTIL NOW!

Faithful readers, a company called Captive Media has taken it upon themselves to create a solution for the tedious task of using a urinal. After all, you can only stare at a blank wall for so long -- unless some guy starts using the urinal next to you, then your only choice is to stare straight ahead and never lose focus. But I digress, Captive Media has installed video games above the urinals at the Coca-Cola Stadium, home of Pennsylvania's Lehigh Valley IronPigs, a minor league baseball team.

"Test your might!"

 "But, The Former 786," you protest, "Don't you normally need both hands to play a video game? And. . .couldn't that get a little messy?" Well, my faithful reader, the folks over at Captive Media have created a solution for that problem as well. This game is controlled by your urine stream. Yes, you read that right. Your pee controls the game.

Take a look:



It's been in the UK for a while now, but it's finally making its way to the United States where, frankly, an idea like this should have been developed a long time ago -- or it should have at least come from Japan. This game also features a multiplayer mode, so men can compete against each other, if they feel so inclined. And I know there are certain guys in the world who feel the need to turn everything into one, giant. . . . well, you get the point.

Ladies, I'm just sorry this kind of technology isn't available for you. But science will catch up to you one day. Don't you worry!

Video Game Masterpiece Theatre

Faithful readers, I have a confession. It may not be a very shocking confession. It may not be a surprising confession, but it's a confession I must make, nonetheless: I enjoy watching Downton Abbey.

If you would have come up to me 10 years ago and told me that I would be anxiously awaiting the latest episode of a British soap opera set around the time of WWI and WWII, I would have probably slapped you across the face with my glove and challenged you to a duel. However, the fact remains that I do enjoy the show even though, as my brother so aptly put it, nothing happens. It's a slice of life program where the dramatic action is usually no more than a sharp word or menacing glance. Yet the good writing and solid acting almost always win me over. Granted, there are a few things that bother me about the show, but for the most part I am completely caught up in the lives of those that live at Downton and those that serve them.

But why do I bring this up? Well, because this video game parody of Downton Abbey, created by a guy named Bill Kiley, at first looks completely ridiculous. I mean, who would ever play a game based off of this BBC Masterpiece Theatre drama? But then, after watching it a few hundred times I suddenly started thinking "Actually that looks kind of fun."

Check it out:



 I doubt the Dowager Countess would approve -- after all, she was more of a Sega Genesis fan.

The Master Would Approve

Maybe it's because I love classic NES games. Maybe it's because I love MST3K. Maybe it's because the guys over at RiffTrax are doing a live riff of Manos: The Hands of Fate this week. Maybe it's because I'm proud to be an American. Maybe it's because I've got bad movies on my mind. Regardless of why I'm posting this video, it's still pretty awesome. A company called FreakZone has created a video game based on one of the worst movies of all time. Let's take a gander, shall we?



If you're not a Mystery Science Theater fan, this video, sent in by, alert reader, Ryan, probably doesn't make much sense to you. And that's fine. But stop what you're doing right now and go find a copy of MST3K's Manos: The Hands of Fate. You'll be shocked and horrified by how bad that movie really is, but Joel and the Bots will help you through it, and you'll find yourself laughing more than cringing. . .hopefully. If not, blame Ryan.

If you are a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000, however, then you probably noticed some shout-outs to other classic MST3K episodes, such as The Screaming Skull, Hobgoblins and Robot Monster. There's also a great reference to Castlevania and who doesn't love hearing the classic Torgo theme?

It's only available on iOS now, but I can't wait for the Android version to come out!

It's A-Me, Mario!

If you could be a character in a video game, who would you be?

I remember when I used to play the bonus level on Sonic the Hedgehog 2, I imagined that it was me racing along that half-pipe grabbing rings. I also cannot confirm nor deny that I may have, on occasion ran in place in front of the TV during the game. Sure, it would be a little weird to be covered in blue fur and yes, I might feel a little embarrassed wearing only shoes and socks, but, hey, it beats getting my spine ripped out by Sub-Zero.

Anyway, I'm betting that a lot of you faithful readers out there would choose Mario Kart. I mean, who wouldn't love driving a little race car around a track and shoot turtle shells at each other? And the best part is, if you crash, the worst thing that would happen would be that you get a little dizzy and then a little turtle on a cloud (Lakitu) will pick you up and put you back on the right track.

But that's just a video game, right? Those kind of cars don't exist in real life, right? I should just stop asking you questions and show you this video, right?



And this Mario car was actually given to a contest winner a little while later. It's like a dream come true.

But, then again, that's just the car. The video game nerd in me wondered what it would be like to actually play Mario Kart in real life. Well, I think it would look a little something like this:



But, let's face it, this kind of racing can only exist on the TV for me. You may be able to pull it off, but I've gotten sick every time I've done go kart racing. If only Lakitu could pick me up and make me not feel dizzy.

I Am So Happy, I Do the Dance of Joy!

Do you remember Perfect Strangers? I sure do. There were many great sitcoms in the 80s, and even more great theme songs from those TV shows. Who can forget the great intros to shows such as Mr. Belvedere, Cheers, Charles in Charge, The Greatest American Hero and The Dukes of Hazzard?

Sidenote: I challenge you to sing the theme to Full House out loud right now. It's ok, no one is listening. Ok. Are you doing it? Good. Now, hurry and sing the theme song to Family Matters! It's not easy, is it? TV shows back then knew how to do theme songs.

Not that I'm bashing on the theme songs of today (I mean, I think we all like to sing along to Lost's intro), but they don't seem to have the same sort of magic they used to. TV theme songs used to have a life of their own back in the 80s. I actually own many of these old TV show themes on my iPod and one of the most toe-tapping, heart-warming numbers on there is the theme song to Perfect Strangers.

For those of you who don't remember Perfect Strangers, SHAME ON YOU! You should stop reading this post immediately and order the series on Amazon. I'll wait. . . .

Ok, then.

So this past week imagine the pure joy I felt when I found out that Jason Oda, a game designer from Brooklyn, New York had created a simple, yet amazing video game based on the timeless sitcom about a city-bred man who is forced to live and interact with his backwards, Eastern European cousin.

And, best of all, this little game has the ability to make your dreams come true!

Don't believe me? Give it a shot yourself and try not to feel the positive energy flowing through you.

There, don't you feel like doing the dance of joy yourself now? You don't? Don't be ridiculous. Of course you wish to do the dance of joy! It's hard not to feel good with all those positive messages, references to the show, rainbows, balloons and flying.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, I have played this game a lot. And yes, I have gotten 100%, therefore my dream is going to come true any day now.

Nothing's gonna stop me now.

Playful-NES

Faithful readers, I have a confession to make to you: I got sidetracked this week.

I had a bunch of cool videos, weird stories and odd websites in the queue, ready to be made into a full-blown Slice of Fried Gold post, but then an alert reader named Ryan sent me a video game. I opened the link, started to play, and suddenly a few days had passed. Whoops.

However, as I was completely ignoring my wife and children, I got to thinking, "Maybe I should make THIS the post for this week." AND SO I SHALL!

Here's the reason I didn't write/eat/bathe/stand-up for all of those hours:

Now, probably only the die hard Nintendo fans will know Abobo by name, but many of you may recognize his face. This is Abobo:

That's right, he's one of the mini bosses from the classic NES game Double Dragon. Apparently Roger Barr and his buddies thought that Abobo would be the perfect protagonist for their love letter to old-school Nintendo games. They take this minor character and place him in the middle of a number of classic NES games as he tries to save his son, Aboboy.

And it's awesome.

Seriously, I had so much fun playing Abobo's Big Adventure. The look, music, controls and gameplay took me back to a simpler time when movies had to rewind and telephones had cords. As Abobo fights to find his son, you'll travel through such games as Super Mario Bros., Mega Man, Contra and more. Plus, it mashes a number of games together, so you have cameos from a variety of NES video game characters.

Half of the fun is being surprised by what Nintendo games and characters make an appearance, so I don't want to spoil Abobo's Big Adventure, but here are a few fun shots from gameplay:

Zombies and a polar bear in the middle of Contra? Why not?

So many characters, so little time.

Even Zelda, which I didn't play that much growing up, still brought back a ton of memories.

Now, I should warn you that this game is a little violent. Abobo has a big appetite and a lot of muscle, so, at times, he doesn't hold back on dispatching an enemy. But it's mostly 8-bit blood and gore, so. . .

And did I mention that this game is completely free?

So there you have it. If you're a fan of the old school NES video games, Abobo's Big Adventure is truly a treat. There are so many cameos, Easter eggs and shout-outs in this game that it's hard to pick a favorite, but I will say that I was surprised to find a secret party at the top of the "elevator," and I'm glad I still know the Konami code by heart.

Oh, and for the sake of your spouse and children, please know that there IS a pause button and the game regularly saves itself, so you can return to the game later and start where you left off.

Happy gaming!