Till Undead Do You Part

Somehow it got out that I like zombies, so when these pictures came out in August, a number of faithful readers sent them my way. However, I felt that these were much better suited for an October post, so I patiently waited until now to put them on Slice of Fried Gold. Let's just say that Ben Lee, Juliana Park and Amanda Rynda are my new heroes. This is how you do engagement photos right!

It was just another day in Happy Engagement Photo Land.

Then, without warning, out of nowhere, and all of a sudden, a zombie (Jason Boesch) appeared on the horizon.

Juliana gasped in terror and Ben bore his teeth, attempting to show dominance to this intruding male.

Ben attempted to protect Juliana from Zombie Jason by punching her in the face.

But when the Zombie Jason began to attack Ben, Juliana fought to protect him.

Will Ben and Julia survive this zombie attack? Or will the zombie make this engagement shorter than a celebrity marriage? Well, you can find out by going to Amanda Rynda's blog and checking out the full story.

If only I had thought of this when I was engaged! Maybe I can talk my wife into re-doing our engagement photos. . .

Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!

As we all know, good things tend to come in threes. There's the three wise men, the Three Amigos, the three-course meal and the Toy Story films. So today I'd like to present you with three different slices of fried gold with one common theme (hint: the theme is zombies). After all, who doesn't love zombies?

Firstly, I'd like to show you this cartoon, sent in by, alert reader, Tori Morten.

I can't tell you how long I chuckled about this one. It's such a genius connection! I wish I would have thought of it. It's interesting to think of the loveable bag of hay from The Wizard of Oz as an inspiration for George A. Romero, the creator of the modern zombie. I bet it was. I mean, Romero was born in 1940, exactly 5 months and 10 days after The Wizard of Oz was released in theaters - that can't be a coincidence!

Next up, I present to you this house, sent in by, alert reader, Lecia.

 

Ta-da!

So what's so special about this house, you may ask? Well, this innovative design is perfect for a world like ours, a world on the verge of a zombie apocalypse. Inspired by Michael Bay's horrible movies, this house actually transforms into a zombie-proof stronghold. Watch and behold!

Boom! Just like that, you have no weaknesses in your fortress of solitude. No windows for peering zombie eyes, no doors for zombie hands to crush, no overlooked, unused coal shafts for zombies to sneak into. It's a solid stone block. The only way you can get into this place after it has transformed is by a drawbridge lowered from the second story, shown below.

And did I mention that this house is also located behind a giant, retracting stone wall? 'Cause it is.

It's called "The Safe House" and it was designed by KWK Promes and it is located in Warsaw, Poland - proving once and for all that Americans aren't the only people paranoid about a zombie apocalypse.You can see more pictures of The Safe House, including the indoor pool, the lurking guard cat and the floor plans, at HomeDsgn.com.

However, truth be told, the real threat in a zombie movie is hardly ever from the actual zombies trying to get in. It's almost always because of dissension in the group of humans that the zombies are able to gain some ground on the battlefront. Heck, in some movies the humans are the ones with the higher body count. Moral of the story: Don't trust people.

Which segues perfectly into the final segment of this zombie-rific post. This video, sent in by, faithful reader, Jaime, shows just how cruel humans can really be to each other.



I don't know whether to call child protective services or post this on my blog and have others laugh at it. Wait. . .I think I already made my decision on that. . . .oh well. Anyway, this Japanese prank show displays just how uninformed children are about zombie attacks. I mean, seriously, Tabasco sauce? Plastic wrap? What were they THINKING?

I blame their parents. Any good parent should have their children prepared for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. For example, my kids know exactly where my cricket bat and flamethrower are in case of an attack. And, as an added bonus, they also know what plants we can put in the front yard in order to prevent zombies from getting in our house. After all, you can't be too careful.

Until next week, faithful readers!

Remembering the Reanimated

Memorial Day is, traditionally, a time to think about those that have gone on before us. It is a time to get together with family and reminisce about days past. It is a time to go to the cemetery and think about our ancestors. It is a time to remember our dead.

Well, here on Slice of Fried Gold, it's a time to remember our undead.

So here is a quick post to remind you of the zombie entertainment options there are out there.
#1 Zombies in Music

This little number by Jonathan Coulton was originally sent to me by, faithful reader, Jeff Tromphlin. Since that time it has become a staple song in my Halloween playlist. It's playful, it's catchy and it's zombie-tastic! This isn't an official video of Jonathan Coulton, nor is it the first fan-made music video that I've seen, however, I thought it was well-made and deserved a spot here on Slice of Fried Gold.



#2 Zombies in Gaming

There are a number of good zombie video game options out there if you have a Wii, Playstation 3 or X-Box 360, but for those of you without a gaming console there are websites like ZombieGames.net. This kind of website stockpiles all the good, free, online zombie games out there on the web and sorts them into categories for you to enjoy. Plus they have information about zombies and zombie merchandise.


#3 Zombies in Real Life

This picture, sent in by, faithful reader, Summer, combines two of my favorite things: zombies and costumes (click to enlarge).

Yup. Left to right that is Zombie Belle, Zombie Aladdin, Zombie Jasmine, Zombie Mulan, Zombie Cinderella, Zombie Ariel, Zombie Esmeralda, Zombie Pocahontas and Zombie Alice all gathered at the 2009 London MCM Expo. Good stuff!

It reminds me of the Twisted Disney pictures that were floating around the internet a while back. This group knows how to do zombie costumes! The attention to detail is quite impressive, right down to Zombie Aladdin's signature fanny pack.

Here's to the memories! And here's to the zombies!

Sucks to Be You, University of Florida

I'd hate to be the University of Florida right now.

They used to be ahead of the curve, on the cutting edge, ready for anything, and now?. . . now they're just sitting ducks.

What am I talking about, you may ask? Zombies, of course! In case you didn't guess that, Hi, I'm The Former 786, welcome to my blog (zombies seem to be a reoccurring theme here).

The UF website includes a number of different services, one of which is Emergency Management. In this section, they have different materials that inform people how to conduct themselves during a variety of hazards and natural disasters. Until recently, there was a section on their site about zombie preparedness - I kid you not.

An employee at the school's academic technology office thought it was important to inform people as to how to respond when the living dead arrived, so he put it on the UF website "as a joke." In this disaster preparedness plan, the author points out how to recognize a zombie (or "living impaired") outbreak is occurring (i.e. "documentation of lots of strange moaning") and what kind of impact a zombie outbreak would have on the campus ("the spread to institutional administration may complicate policy making"). The report also discusses other important topics such as proper hygiene during an outbreak as well as policies and procedures for dispatching an infected coworker.

It's a very useful report. In fact, it will keep things organized because it also includes an "Infected Coworker Dispatch Form" that allows you to document each and every member of the undead you put back into the grave, so that others may learn which method is the most effective.But APPARENTLY the University of Florida administration is already infected and their brains have turned to mush, because they took this article off of their site. UF spokesman Steve Orlando told the press that the university didn't think that this report belonged on their site alongside "actual" disasters. Now, I know you're not supposed to shoot the messenger, but when the zombie apocalypse hits UF, I bet Mr. Orlando is going to be one of the first ones to go.

The employee was not punished.

Click here to read the full report. It's actually quite entertaining. You may even want to print this out in case you feel a zombie apocalypse is imminent, inevitable or immediate. Then you, too, will be more prepared than the University of Zombie-food.

Be safe, and happy hunting!

Signs of the Future??

This story was sent in by, alert reader, Andrea.

Keep watching the roads!!

Worlds Are (Awesomely) Colliding!

Men are different from women.

There, I said it!

And I'm not just talking physically, I mean in their likes and tastes, as well. I can't tell you the number of times my wife and I have argued whether we were going to watch a movie about princesses, unicorns, flowers and the Victorian era, or whether we're going to watch a movie with monsters, explosions, slow-motion coolness and John McClane.

Seriously, I don't get women's obsession with the Victorian era. Sure there are pretty dresses and fancy balls, but remember that under those dresses are VERY uncomfortable corsets and a SEVERE lack of deodorant used in those crowded dance halls.

However, to be honest, if I was trapped in a building with terrorists, I don't think I'd be stripping down to my undershirt and shouting "Yippie-Ki-Yay" at the top of my lungs, either.

But I'm glad to say that there has been a beautiful melding of the Victorian and the awesome. The middle ground has finally been created. Seth Grahame-Smith has taken it upon himself to blend the worlds of Jane Austen and George A. Romero. Who is George A. Romero, you ask? Well, you ignorant dolt, he's the father of the modern zombie!


Anyway, without further ado. . .



I present to you,



"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."



No, I am not making this up. No, this isn't too good to be true. It was sent to me by, alert reader, Jeff Tromphlin. The synopsis goes something like this:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen's beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton--and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers--and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Complete with 20 illustrations in the style of C. E. Brock (the original illustrator of Pride and Prejudice), this insanely funny expanded edition will introduce Jane Austen's classic novel to new legions of fans.

Wow! Just. . .just wow. I've read another book authored by Mr. Grahame-Smith and was quite entertained by it. And I have high hopes for this one.

Finally, the worlds of men and women can be combined! My wife and I can read this book together and grow closer as we share our feelings about heartache and heart-eating. It'll be beautiful.

I can't wait for the movie!

Wouldn't Being Bitten Be Less Painful?

As I have mentioned numerous times before (both in person and on this blog) I like zombies. I like the movies, I like the comics and I like the various songs about zombies. So imagine my surprise when I found out there was a website that would take a picture of you and turn you into a zombie digitally. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Here's a sample of what Zombieme.com is all about:



Not bad, eh? And their website had a number of pictures that were pretty impressive. I figured this would be one of those fun sites like the celebrity face match or the baby generator that show you fun (though not terribly accurate) results - I was wrong.

This guy charges a MINIMUM of 30 bucks to do this! And that's the economy package. The "standard" package is upwards of 50 dollars! I wondered if this was a monthly fee and you could upload all the pictures you want - I was wrong again - this is for ONE picture of you turned into a zombie. . .so pick your photo carefully, I guess.

I checked out the FAQ page and it mostly discussed why this guy was charging so much. I guess he has to defend himself constantly because - let's face it - he's overcharging.

If this guy had taken an economics class or a business class (instead of graphic design) he would realize that he would make a LOT more money if he charged less. He'll only get a handful of rich people to use his product when he's charging that much. After all, this is just a doctored picture - it's not a mask or a costume that you can actually use. He doesn't even print out the photo for you!

If he just lowered his prices to something like 5 or 10 bucks a pop, he'd get a LOT more buyers interested and he'd make more than enough money. His product is good, it's just not THAT good.

So, in conclusion, if you have the money. . . you should probably spend it on extra candy for your trick-or-treaters as well as liquid latex, tissue paper and makeup so you can turn yourself into a zombie in real life.

Send in the Zombies

What can I say? I've got zombies on the brain (on the brain - ha!). Maybe it's because I read World War Z a while back. Maybe it's because I just finished How to Survive a Horror Movie not too long ago, or maybe it's because unlike Aliens, monsters, and bunnies, zombies scare the living bejeebies out of me! I don't know exactly why, I mean they're slow, they're semi-easy to kill and you can plan your attack on them right in front of them and they won't react, but still. . .scary.

Anyway today I read an article (from Cracked Magazine) given to me by the one and only Jeff Tromphlin about how a zombie apocalypse could actually happen. And it kind of freaked me out. I would just post the article here, but 1) It's got some more adult-oriented language, 2) It's longer than most of you would have the attention span to read and 3) that takes all the fun out of me writing about it.

So here's basically what they had to say in that article. There are five ACTUAL diseases out there that could (in the distant, unrealistic future) cause a zombie plague that would destroy life as we know it. And they are, as follows:

1. Toxoplasmosa gondii (brain parasites). This is a parasite that lives in rats, but can only breed in the intestines of cats (HUH??). So the parasites will actually control the rat's brain so that it will go where the cats live! How crazy is that. AND, according to another study, many humans already have this parasite. It's only a matter of time before those parasites start leading US toward where the cats live! And have you seen the movie Strays? Cats can be scary (when they're en masse and animatronic and you're a little child trapped in a house).

2. Neurotoxins (in layman's terms: Brain Poison). There are certain kinds of poisons (like in blowfish) that slow your bodily functions to the point that you'll be considered dead, even to a doctor. The quasi-dead people can then be brought back under the effects of chemicals called alkaloids that leave them in a trance-like state with no memory, but still able to perform simple tasks like eating, sleeping, moaning and stumbling around with their arms outstretched while trying to bite you. Ok, I don't know if that last part is true, but it COULD be.

3. Mad Cow Disease. Don't laugh. It attacks the spinal cord and the BRAIN! And it's not just found in cows. When humans get it, these are the symptoms: Changes in gait (the way they walk), hallucinations, lack of coordination, muscle twitching, myoclonic jerks or seizures and rapidly developing delirium or dementia. What does THAT sound like? A Metallica fan at a Hanna Montana concert (ZING!) OR. . . .a zombie.

4. Neurogenesis (layman's terms - brain band with Phil Collions, Peter Gabriel and others). This deals with stem cells. Well, some of the work scientists are doing with stem cells involves REANIMATING DEAD CELLS. Reanimating the dead is a no-no in most horror films. Neurogenesis is also finding ways to keep a body in suspended animation so it can be brought back to life later. And this technology COULD (possibly, hypothetically, with our fingers crossed over a 4-leaf clover) bring the dead back to life. And the process of "reanimating" a person creates a problem because it causes the brain to die off from the outside in. The outside being the cortex, the nice part of you that makes humans human. That just leaves the part that controls basic motor function and primitive instincts behind. And what are our primal instincts? Eating, sleeping, and wearing ragged clothing.

5. Nanobots. That's right. Killer small iPods. Actually nanobots are microscopic self-replicating robots that can infiltrate your body. And these little evil robots will live on (and be able to control you long after your body is dead). According to studies, within a decade they'll have nanobots that can crawl inside your brain and set up neural connections to replace damaged ones. That's right; the nanobots will be able to rewire your thoughts. That. . .sounds bad.

So there you have it. And these are just five possibilities, we haven't even started talking about radioactive satellites from space, radioactive monkeys, or constant watching of The View! It's just a matter of time, people, so I'd get your zombie survival (and zombie killing) skills sharp as an undead-killing blade.