Five Movies I'm Excited to See This Summer

I love movies. And I'm happy to watch most any of them (except for anything made by, starring and or involving Tyler Perry in any way, shape or form -- BLAH!) so here are five movies that I'm excited to see this summer (and no, these aren't in any order):

#1 Iron Man
I know it is already out in theaters, but I haven't seen it, ergo, I still want to see it.

I know that he isn't one of the "mainstream" superheroes and that many of you out there don't know that much about him, but isn't that MORE incentive to go? I mean, wouldn't the Spider-Man movies have been MORE exciting if you DIDN'T know that the mutant spider was going to bite Peter and it was going to give him super pseudo-spider abilities?

Pointless story: Since I have been excited about this movie, I've been randomly quoting his lines from the Marvel Superheroes video game in my everyday life. . . .and just recently I realized that I was quoting Captain America and NOT Iron Man. Whoops. In my defense, I think the same guy does both voices.

Click here for the trailer


#2 Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Yes, we all know George Lucas has gone a little nuts in the last few years. Yes, we all know that Harrison Ford is getting a little old to play these kind of parts (they said the same thing about Sylvester Stallone) and Shia LaBeouf isn't the greatest young actor in America right now, but honestly, if you don't get chills when you hear that classic John Williams theme kick during the trailer, you're not human.

I happen to know more about this movie than I want to, though. I accidentally stumbled upon a spoiler a while back. I won't describe it here, but let's just say that I hope that it's not as corny as I think it's going to be.

Pointless story: I watched Temple of Doom a little while ago and remembered how much fun it really is. It gets a bad rep for the whole Satanic-heart-ripping-out thing, but it's really an entertaining film.

Click here for the trailer


#3 Speed Racer

It looks like I'm going to have to see this one alone. Despite the fact that this film has amazing visuals and is made by the creators of the Matrix trilogy (ONE of which, I might add, was REALLY good), no one in my family wants to go see it because, and I quote, "I never really watched the show." NEITHER DID I!!! In fact, the only thing I remember about the cartoon is that it was bad Japanimation. But the film has a really cool look to it and I do want to see it on the big screen.

Pointless story: My real love for the theme song did NOT come from the television show. It actually stems from a version done by a band called Sponge on an Album called Saturday Morning Cartoons' Greatest Hits where alternative bands sang (you'll never guess!) Saturday Morning cartoon songs. It's actually a great album.

Click here for an especially cool 3-D version of this poster (just click and drag)

Click here for the trailer


#4 Hancock

This movie was first described to me as "that one movie where Will Smith throws a whale." That got my interest. And, upon watching the trailer, I found myself very interested in a movie about a homeless down-on-his-luck superhero who no one really likes. Plus, having Jason Bateman in it is a plus. And, since my wife thought the trailer was funny, I might not be going to this one all by myself. They need a better poster, though. When I first saw this one I thought it was about Will Smith trapped in a sandstorm or something like that.

Pointless story: My grandma's maiden name was Hancock.

Click here for the trailer






#5 The Dark Knight
With Heath Ledger dying in January and a movie starring Heath Ledger coming out in July, I'll admit that this movie does have a weird feel to it now. And also I think it's nuts how early they started the advertising for this film (I remember watching a teaser trailer over a year ago), but each time I see a new poster or clip, I inevitably get excited. After all, Batman is my favorite superhero (I know. I admitted it at a family gathering last week).

Pointless story: Here are some actual names of things from Batman Comics, movies and TV series with "bat" in their name: Batalarm, Bat-a-rang, Batcave, Batcentrifuge, Batpole, Batcuffs, Bat Blowtorch, Bat earplugs, Batantidote, Batmobile, Batcopter, Batknife, Batzooka, Batcommunicator, Batanalyzer, Batcycle Go-cart, Batparachute, Batmagnet, Batkey, Batphone, Batsignal, Batladder, Batlaser gun and, my favorite, the shark repellent Batspray.

Click here for the trailer




Now, there are more movies that I would like to see this summer (like the new X-files movie! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!), but I'll get to those another time. Right now I need to start working hard and saving up so I can afford the gas it takes to drive to the movie theaters a couple blocks away.

Who Says Romance Is Dead?

Here in Utah, it's not enough for one boy to go up to one girl and ask "Do you want to go to the dance with me?" That's preposterous! The girl would (and should) laugh in your face -- how dare you gain enough courage to walk right up to them and ask them a straight question that they can immediately accept or reject!!! What you're SUPPOSED to do is come up with a creative way to let them know that you want to go with them to the dance -- preferably involving balloons, a haiku written on a giant boulder and a live chicken.

Well, apparently Utahns aren't the only weirdos out there. In Ann Arbor, Michigan, a group of lacrosse students got into legal trouble for the way they were asking. That's right, people, the bar has been raised.

Kristoff Wennersten, the asker, says that his prom proposal "had to be one-of-a-kind if it would have any chance of being accepted." I guess that the poor kid didn't have much confidence that the girl he wanted to ask, Carolyn Campbell, would say yes. So he had to go all out -- literally.

Wennersten says he had a "spur of the moment" idea and it involved 13 of his fellow lacrosse teammates. Originally, his friends suggested a sign, but Wennersten, being the innovative romantic he is, "pushed for a grander plan."

Finally, the asking took place during a Huron junior varsity soccer match on Thursday night. Little did Carolyn know what was in store. As she was watching the game the players displayed the question, "Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?" on their. . .uh. . . posteriors while mooning Huron senior Carolyn Campbell at a game. Wow. Be still my heart. That's just like something out of a Romantic Comedy! Move over, Patrick Dempsey!

Now, don't ask me the logistics of it all. I didn't do enough research to find out exactly who had what written on what, but I do know that, in order to answer, Carolyn had to pat the. . .uh. . .appropriate word depending on if she was going to say "Yes" or "No."

Now, many of you ladies out there may not have cared for this kind of chivalry, but Carolyn was flattered. She described the asking as "cute" and wasn't upset by it at all. She saw the true creative genius of Kristoff.

School officials must have missed the point completely. They took this grand romantic gesture as offensive and suspended the 13 players (it's an unlucky number - that's why they got in trouble!) for an undetermined amount of games and they all have to complete 20 hours of community service. The administration, the haters of obvious true love, also suspended the boys from school.

Nevermind the fact that there were probably parents and children in the crowd, Carolyn was the only girl in the room as far as Kristoff was concerned. When questioned about his actions, he simply replied, "I enjoyed every bit of it."

And then I bet he mooned the reporter, just to show how much he appreciated telling his side of the story.

Stupid Game Show Answers

Few things in this world can make me laugh as hard as people saying stupid things on accident (on purpose. . .still funny, but less so). Upon random searchings on YouTube yesterday I found a user who exclusively puts clips of Game Show bloopers on the site. I enjoyed them thoroughly and I wanted to share them with you AND ask for your vote as to which set of videos entertained you the most. So here are three of them (picked at random) presented for your vote:
(note: some of these clips contain "PG-13" material)

#1



#2




#3



To vote, just call 1-866-Idols-04. . .and if that line is busy then you can just vote in the comments section for this post.

Hot Dogs Can Kill Ya!

Now I'm not one to tell people what do eat and what not to eat (pineapple is evil, it is the fruit of the devil and should be banished from existence!), but hot dogs are a dangerous food. No, I'm not talking about what's in them or how they're made, I'm talking about that to some people. . .hot dogs can bring out the worst.

Take, for example Alfreda Van Bladel of Florida. She decided that she was going to dazzle her husband by showing off her culinary skills with some fantastic frankfurters. Or maybe she was just going to chop them up in some Spaghettios, I don't know f0r sure. But regardless of what exactly she was doing with the hot links, they must have been delicious because her husband, Anton snatched one of the franks from the plate.

Alfreda, obviously concerned that 1) her husband might become ill from eating undercooked processed meat or 2) the food wasn't quite ready and Anton would ruin his tasting palette for the main event, she decided to stop him from eating the dog the best way she knew how and so she stabbed him! Alfreda stabbed Anton in the shoulder with the knife in the conservatory. . .I mean the kitchen.

Not to be outdone by his wife in this battle of cookery, Anton saw his wife's knife and raised her a gun! I guess he really wanted those hot dogs. Fortunately, the police were making their usual rounds at the Van Bladel home and stopped this lover's quarrel before anyone was seriously hurt and before anyone poisoned themselves with too much sodium nitrite and MSG.

Crazy story, you say? Yes. But not uncommon. I've actually been stabbed over food before, too (I mean, who hasn't?). My dad was preparing a delicious dinner called Nasi Goreng. Me being the carnivore that I am decided to pick out some of the pork in the bowl. A neighbor of ours (who will remain anonymous to protect him, but whose name rhymes with Ceff Jampbell) told me to stop. I didn't care, Ceff and I were buddies, or so I thought.

Ceff teasingly threatened me with a fork and said he'd stab me if I didn't stop. I decided to sneak one more piece to show him who was boss (after all, I was 13 and he was 30-something). Well, he thrust the fork down to scare me, but I, unfortunately flinched upward and the fork ended up in my arm. Ouch. We both sat there and stared at the utensil sticking out of my arm and then decided it would be best to pull it out (leaving it in would make the metal detector scene at the airport awkward, we felt). I had four small puncture wounds in my arm to prove my tale for months afterwards.

Sigh. Childhood memories.

Call Me Eagle Eyes

Normally I strive to bring you tales of the strange and unusual on this site. And since it's been almost two weeks since my last post and I haven't really found a story that inspired me, I decided to post about my own strange and unusual story.

My car, Tess, and I have been together a long time now. I know what she's like when she's grumpy, tired or cold and she knows what my reaction to is a certain Hannah Montana song is when it comes on the radio and I'm alone in the car (I can neither confirm nor deny that I vigorously sing along using an old gas receipt as a microphone).

So when her tires started behaving oddly I was concerned. I would fill the tire up at our local gas station (with air, not gas -- I learned my lesson) and then the next morning it would practically be flat again. Tess had a slow leak and I knew that I needed to take her in to the shop. Beth took her to Discount Tire Company and they found that there was a screw puncturing the tire (Poor Tess!), but they could fix it. And since we had purchased the tires at Discount Tire Company, there was no charge for the repairs. Boo-yeah!

The next day I drove to work in confidence. I held my head high as I sat at my desk, knowing that Tess was healthy and well. And as I drove home that evening -- possibly rocking out to someone who's name rhymes with Cylie Myrus -- I knew Tess was happy with me, too. But then, when I got out of the car I noticed that my left front hubcap was missing. Someone from the DTC must have been a little lax in putting it back on. The tire looked bare and awful. It was as if Tess had her ankles showing at a BYU dance! I was shocked and horrified. I looked in the immediate area and couldn't see anything. I went to bed that night sad for Tess, and even sorry for Mr. Wallet, who was going to have to lose a little more weight this month than planned.

The next day I came up with the idea that, since I take the same route every day, the hubcap was bound to show up on my way to or from work. As Tess and I left for work I scanned the road and surrounding area, looking for some sign of the missing hubcap. As I was passing a gas station I looked across the street and saw a glimpse of glistening gray plastic in a field. I would have stopped immediately, but I was late for work so I figured I'd investigate further after work.

After work I dashed back to Tess, eager to reunite her and her missing piece of modesty. On the way home, I was sure to scan the roads and surrounding area once again, just in case my hubcap was not in that distant field by the gas station. When I got to the aforementioned spot I pulled over the car and walked into the field. Sure enough, like Charlie and that chocolate bar, I saw a glint of pseudo-metal plastic and excitedly hurried to see the rest. It was my missing hubcap! The Toyota logo was caked with dirt, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen (that day on the drive home. . .I love you, Beth! :) )!

As I proudly held my trophy you may think that I was worried that the passing cars would see me as a crazy transient who grabbed an abandoned, junky hubcap from the side of the road and declared it as his own. But as I put the hubcap on the wheel I felt like Prince Charming placing the slipper on Cinderella. It was magical. I returned home to my wife with my arms in the air singing R.E.M's Superman song (it's true, you can ask her). It was a modern-day miracle that I was able to find it again and that it was still in once piece. In the words of Leo, I was the king of the world!

Later that night as my day was ending I looked at my filthy trophy once more -- thinking about how it deserved a good-polish. And how, covered in dirt, it looked so much different than the others. And then... how. . .it really did look different from my other ones. . . . . . .regardless of the dirt. . . . . .

Oh crap. . .

It wasn't my hubcap.

Marathon Throne Time

Recently I received a copy of the Bathroom Reader (17th Edition) from my wife. I found it all wrapped up in beautiful wrapping paper and a shiny bow. . .in the bathroom. Needless to say, it was the most sparkly thing I've ever seen in a bathroom. It seemed a little odd to be opening a present during my "morning devotional," but the gift inside was quite appropriate for the setting.

For those of you who don't know what the Bathroom Reader is, it's a series of humorous references books (I know this because it says "Humor/Reference" on the back cover) that have random and interesting information specifically designed for short, medium, and long stays on the porcelain.

Since learning about the Bathroom Reader I have spent countless hours cramming random facts into my head such as: Girls cannot be hemophiliacs, there are cities called Straight AND Gay in Oklahoma, the history of Tarzan, the average person takes about 23,000 breaths and that frogs have no ribs.

I also have learned that my book cost $16.95 in the U.S. and $23.95 in Canada (the supply must be lower in Canada, or the demand is higher) because books always seem to post the price on the back cover. Don't they realize that books are sometimes given as gifts when the movie-version hasn't come out yet?? You can get them cheaper online if you buy used. . .but they're BATHROOM Readers. . .and if someone has used them. . .well, you get the point.

Anyway, because I'm learning new things and being entertained at the same time, I've found that I spend more time in the bathroom when I have a copy of the Bathroom Reader. But even if you combine all the time I've been learning about such things as the history of the Barbie doll, the first CD to sell one million copies (Dire Straits' Brothers in Arms), and the fact that Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors, it doesn't even compare to this woman in Kansas who sat on her toilet for 2 YEARS!!

I am not kidding. A 35-year-old woman from Ness City, Kansas apparently had a phobia of going outside and this eventually led to her spending all her time in the bathroom. She was actually on the toilet for so long that her body actually FUSED to the toilet. She was physically stuck to the toilet seat.

The weirdest part is, that this woman wasn't living alone. She lived with her boyfriend, Kory McFarren, in his trailer. However, it took Kory TWO YEARS to finally realize that "something was wrong" and he called the paramedics. He said he'd been bringing her food and water and trying to coax her to come out, but she wouldn't and so he just kept on supporting her. Kory even says that they had a perfectly normal relationship, "except it all happened in the bathroom."

I don't see how this could work. In the short time I've been writing this post my wife has not brought me food nor water AND she's been constantly after me to stop typing and to start getting ready for the day. And I'm pretty sure that if I announced to her one day that I was going to sit on the couch for two years and just watch reruns of Mythbusters because I was afraid of going outside, she would tip the couch over (she's pretty strong for a petite girl) and drag me around by the chest hair until I remembered what I was really supposed to be afraid of (I love you, pumpkin!).

Well, for this woman the paramedics did come and they had to break the toilet to get her to the hospital and then they had to pry the toilet seat off of her. The woman has a serious infection and they say that she may have permanent nerve damage now and could be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. But Kory, her dim, but loving boyfriend said in a video interview that his doors are open and he'll take care of her "whether she walks or rolls out of that hospital." See? This story DOES have a happy ending! All the story needs now is for the guy to profusely apologize to the girl after chasing after her before she leaves town or gets married to some other guy and you could make this into a romantic comedy!

Well, I'd better end this post. My legs are getting tingly and numb from sitting here and typing this post for so long on my laptop.

Some Things Are Not Meant To Be

If you know me at all, you know I like movies. I like the deep, thoughtful ones, and I enjoy the frivolous, popcorn ones. I feel that any idea could turn in to an entertaining movie (unless it's an idea from Tyler Perry or Michael Bay). So I was shocked and horrified when I learned that Cracked.com had made a list of movies that should not be made! Inspired by the announcement that there was going to be (and I'm not making this up) a movie based on the game Monopoly, they asked their readers to make fake movie posters of the worst movie ideas/adaptations ever and then posted them on their site. I actually found the list quite funny, though and I'd like to share some of them with you:

The problem with this one is that no one can play Matlock like Andy Griffith. . .except maybe Raymond Burr. . .or Sam Waterson. . .or William Shatner. . .



The sad thing is, this adaptation could actually happen! The children of the 70s have now grown up and are feeling nostalgic. And Ferrell and Reily do make a good comedic team. . .




Now this one could work. It's a popular game, everyone knows the premise, and you never know who's going to win in the end!



Science nerds everywhere are DROOLING for this one! They're sure it's going to be box office "Au!" ZING!



I've been WAITING for the movie to come out so I don't have to read the book!



I put these two together to help those who wouldn't have made the connection on their own. Plus, these two movies together would HAVE to be better than the Super Mario Brothers Movie.



I really like the cereal (where's Boo Berry????), but these two odd-looking actors in the same movie could be hazardous.



I hope they make this one because I wish nothing but success for Vin Diesel. No. . .wait. . .I'm thinking of Steve Zahn. I don't like Vin Diesel or his movies.



This one would be good for me, because it might actually make me somewhat interested to do faux-math in little crossword puzzle boxes and feel semi-intellectual for a while.



This is a personal indulgence of mine, but I couldn't stop laughing at the idea of this movie. Kim represents all that is reprehensible about the TV show 24 (that, and Season 6 of 24).



The question is. . .does this film actually work? It seems so simple!



If the original game made thousands of children want to be doctors. . .this movie will stop that.


If they make this one interactive and give everyone NES light guns, I am SOOOOOOOO there!



While watching this film in theaters, no cellphones or children under 6 are allowed because you have to be. . .vewwwy, vewwwy qwiet! ZING AGAIN!!



But J.J. will not tell you where the hippos came from or why they are hungry. He'll just create a ton of questions and leave it to speculation on the internet.



And finally. . .my favorite idea that shouldn't be made into a movie!


I stil iz LOLing!


So there you go. Hope you enjoyed it. If you think any ridiculous ideas for film adaptations were left out, feel free to mention them in the comments section.

Kthxbye!

And the Oscar Goes To. . .

Most people have already given their opinion on the Oscars (it was over a week ago, for crying out loud!!!), but I thought I'd throw in my six cents (because it's worth TRIPLE what two cents is -- and six times what a penny is!).

However, I'm not going to talk about the typical Best Actor/Actress/Picture stuff. Basically because I feel that Johnny Depp has been ripped off the three times he's been nominated because he didn't cry or scream/yell really intensely during his films -- I'm of the mind that you can't win an Academy Award for Best Actor or Actress unless you cry or scream/yell really intensely at some point during the movie. And I challenge any one out there to prove me wrong!

But I digress. I wanted to talk about the music. I was actually surprised that Enchanted (a lovely film that. . .uh. . .my wife made me go to. . .yeah. . .that's the ticket) was up for THREE nominations for best song and then lost to that homeless couple. Yes, I know the homeless couple can sing and I do like that song, but it was still interesting to me that a movie can be acknowledged as having, not one, but THREE Oscar-worthy songs and still not win. Odd.

But that's still a digression. The other day at work we found this list of all of the Academy Award nominated songs since the dawn of Oscar and started to listen to all the ones we could find. I was shocked with how many of them I actually knew and, in relation to that, how many I had no idea were nominated for Academy Awards. Songs like "Eye of the Tiger" and "Ghostbusters" were fun to work out to and sing-along to, but did you know they were Academy Award contenders (neither won, but. . .)? And songs like "I Just Called to Say I Love You" (or "I just called to say Ha Lobos!" as my Portuguese buddy used to sing) by Stevie Wonder never had any relation to a movie in my mind and so I was surprised to see them on that list as well.

So, in conclusion, I encourage all of you to look at this list and remember the good ones and laugh at the bad ones. . .and give Johnny Depp an Oscar, for crying out loud!