Oscars de la Hoy

In the past, I've done a recap or precap for the Academy Awards. And even though this year I don't have very strong opinions about this year's nominees, I didn't want to let you, my faithful readers, down. So I'm just going to jot down a few (pages of) notes as the events unfold. Consider this live tweeting, except that it's not on Twitter and you're not reading it live.

Note: Note that these notes are in order of the events of the broadcast. Note.

• I've had two different family members ask me who Seth MacFarlane is, but I think he's doing a pretty good job so far.
• Halle Berry looked ticked off about the Chris Brown/Rhianna joke.
• Seeing William Shatner just made me sad.
• Seth MacFarlane can sing. Maybe he should have been Jean Valjean. Or at least dubbed over Hugh Jackman's singing voice.
• Why did the dancers at the beginning have to be Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron?
• Yeah, I'm not convinced with the random celebrity dance numbers.
• Samuel L. Jackson is not amused.
• I found the Flying Nun skit to be quite humorous.
• Seth is definitely a showman, unlike some James Francos I know.
• Glad to see movie clips for the nominees. People like clips.
• Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz. Huh? Seriously? He's good, but he plays the same character in Django as he did in Inglorious. This is not a good start to my office Oscar ballot contest.
• Wow. That Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy bit fell completely flat. I feel bad for them. I like both of them.
• Best Animated Short: Paperman. Boo-yah! I picked that one! And the acceptance speech was short and sweet.
• Best Animated Feature Film: Brave. Meh. None of the nominees were that good this ye. . .HOLY COW HE'S WEARING A KILT!
• Yes, I understand that recording the singing live for Les Mis was intentional to get the raw emotion, but I don't want to listen to raw emotion on my Pod.
• Beasts of the Southern Wild is like the Winter's Bone of Lousiana.
• Quweuveuenvena is just an adorable little girl.
• That's not all The Avengers. Where's Thor and Black Widow? If Hawkeye can make it, you can make it!
• Best Cinematography: Life of Pi. I could have guessed this one. In fact, I did guess this one! That free lunch is within my grasp! I wonder how my cinematographer friends feel about this win. Congratulations to Nelson for winning this award!
• Best Visual Effects: Life of Pi. Ok, I liked the book a lot, now I'm really wanting to see the movie. Also, Mr. Jackson, if you make the awkward bit feel like it's not a bit, it's just awkward.
• Is that Jaws music? WATCH OUT, AWARD WINNERS!
• When was the last time Jennifer Aniston did anything substantial? And yet she's still A-list.
• Best Costume Design: Anna Karinina. Way to throw that movie a bone. Also, I like how all of the best costume nominees are period pieces. Apparently the people working on films set in the modern times don't do "real" work on costumes.
• Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Les Miserables. So "Best Hairstyling" involves choppy haircuts? What's with the sudden music drop? That made things awkward.
• I like how they're burning through the nominees.
• Ugh. Please don't remind us that Halle Berry was a Bond girl. I'd rather forget Die Another Day.
• I think I'm gonna like this James Bond tribute.
• Seriously, there's something about the Bond theme that is just inherently awesome.
• Are they going to do all 23 Bond songs? Time for a bathroom break.
•   
•   
• 
  
• Ok, I'm back. What did I miss? Live action short and documentary short? I'm ok with that.
• Wait, I was promised all of the Bonds onstage at one time during this broadcast. Why didn't tha happen during that Bond tribute?
• I know the basic plot of Argo, but what's this "Lincoln" about? Is it about a president?
• Ouch. Apparently it's still too soon for Lincoln jokes, Mr. MacFarlane.
• Wow. The Kardashians finally made it to the Oscars. . .in joke form.
• Best Documentary: Searching for Sugar Man. Darn. If only I had an opinion about this one.
• Best Foreign Feature: Amour. Is it really fair for a movie to be nominated for Best Picture and Best Foreign Film? Well, I guess this way they still win, even if they lose Best Picture.
• We have the closed captions on so that we can still hear the show over the children, but I'm glad we have it on for this acceptance speech.
• Whoa. I didn't know the orchestra performed live in a different building. That has to be difficult. I'm impressed.
•  Pssssst! Travolta! Don't pronounce the final "S" in Les Miserables!
• Ugh. I am not a fan of Chicago. If you ask me, that's one year the Academy got the Best Picture completely wrong. I think they were just trying to make up for not giving the award to Moulin Rouge the year before.
• We're giving a lot of time to musical numbers that aren't in the running. . .
• I wonder if the Les Mis cast is singing live this time. . .or if they're pulling a Beyonce.
• LOOK AT EPONINE'S WAIST! IT'S TINY!
• I see that Russell Crowe wasn't invited to this little soiree. . . .oh wait. There he is. That'll show the haters. . .right? 
• I wonder how many seat fillers had to cover the cast and chorus of Les Mis.
• That animated bear looks shockingly convincing. Is that CGI or puppetry? It's gotta be green screen.
• Best Sound Mixing: Les Miserables. Because it's very difficult to mix amazing music with mediocre live singing.
• Best Sound Editing: Zero Dark Thirty AND Skyfall. A tie?? That's crazy! I've never seen that before. I used to not be impressed with this category, until I saw Birdemic and realized how important it was.
• Is it a requirement for sound editors to have long, blonde hair? That can't be a coincidence that all three people on stage for this award are sportin' the same 'do.
• The Von Trapp joke was cheesy, but I enjoyed it. Huzzah for silliness!
• Best Supporting Actress: Anne Hathaway. I wrote that answer down before they announced it. I'm psychic. But was there ever really any doubt?
• Huh. An Academy Award museum? That could be interesting.
• That would be fun to get to present awards, but only if I got to present one to Kate Beckinsale. She's due for an Oscar.
• Best Editing: Argo. Those envelopes must be hard to open. I bet by the time this post goes live, there will be an animated gif and/or meme of that moment, Ms. Bullock.
• If you don't like Jennifer Lawrence, you're a jerk. She's so nervous, it's adorable.
• Did you guys see Adele on the red carpet next to Kristin Chenoweth? It made me giggle like a schoolboy.
• It's amazing to think that someone who has such a beautiful singing voice has such an annoying talking voice.
• I miss the days when Nicole Kidman wasn't so plastic.
• It's an odd year. I actually want to see all of the Best Picture nominees. Normally there's one I don't care about.
•  Best Production Design: Lincoln. Did anyone else see that bruise on Kristen Stewart's arm? I blame Chris Brown. Robert Pattinson doesn't have the arm strength for that kind of injury.
• Once again, Ms. Hayek, I'm grateful for the closed captioning. But it's funny how they have her presenting the Governor's Award, just so the viewers will pay attention to . . .whatever that's for.
• Come on, Academy Awards, is that the best kind of tribute you can do for Hollywood stuntmen? They deserve better. Give them their own category!
• In Memoriam: the part of the show when I say "Oh yeah! They died this year!" and "Who is that?"
• But seriously, this part always gets me a little emotional.
• I've always wondered what the Academy would do if a famous actor actually died during the In Memoriam ceremony.
• I can't wait to see the tweets about who the Academy forgot to memorialize this year.
• Oh great. Barbara Streisand is singing. It's time for another bathroom break.
• My dislike of Ms. Streisand may have stemmed from my father's, but I soon gained my own reasons.
• What is going on with Renee Zellweger's eyes?
• Best Original Score: Life of Pi. Notice how Renee couldn't read the winner. And Life of Pi is cleaning up this year.
• Seriously, what is the Academy's obsession with Chicago? It's not that good of a movie or a musical.
• I guess if Man or Muppet could win, this song from Ted might have a shot.
• Best Original Song: Skyfall. Ok, she's got a Grammy and an Oscar, now she just needs an Emmy and a Tony. #EGOT And that other dude has Jef Holm hair.
• It's so cute that Charlize Theron got a haircut to match Dustin Hoffman's.
• Was Ms. Theron in Les Mis, too? Why is her hair so short?
• Best Adapted Screenplay: Argo. The true story is interesting enough. I'm excited to see what the screenwriters did with it. I still remember Ben Affleck and Matt Damon getting their first award for Good Will Hunting.
• Best Original Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino. Maybe this movie is better than I give credit. Look at Tarantino's tie, is that the tie of an Oscar winner? Although I should have guessed this one would win because it had the most controversial language.
• Yes, he just said, "Peace out!" at the end of his second speech.
• I would watch a Zombie Unicorn movie directed by Tim Burton.
• Awww, look at the cute senior citizens!
• Best Director: Ang Lee. Wow. Did not see that one coming. I thought the Academy had to contractually give Spielberg an award every decade.
• This dude may have made an AWFUL Hulk movie, but apparently he's got some talent. I apologize for every time I've mistaken his movies for John Woo's.
•  I still think Seth MacFarlane is doing a good job. He knows the show is not about him and keeps everything moving.
• Best Actress: Jennifer Lawrence. Uh-oh! She fell! Good on Hugh Jackman for being a gentlemen and trying to help. And she played it off well. I'm happy for Ms. Lawrence. She was in one of the highest grossing films of 2012 and she wins an Academy Award for a different film in the same year. And, once again, this proved my point that a Best Actress (and Best Actor) winner has to scream, cry or yell in their role.
• Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis. I typed that one in before they announced it, too. And apparently Meryl was a little too quick for the TV producers, too. Jackman did a good job acting, but I really couldn't take his singing voice in that role. Mr. Day-Lewis has a sense of humor, who knew?
• Once again, iconic American roles are being taken over by Brits.
• I don't care if it's method acting, it's weird if you never drop character. It takes a certain level of mental illness to pull that off.
• Jack Nicholson little a little off-kilter. I mean, even more so than usual.
• The First Lady? Seriously? Ugh. The Obamas are politicians, not Hollywood celebrities. They should have let Jack Nicholson do it. Once again, this just proves how Hollywood worships President Obama.
• I think Mrs. Obama's speech is longer than Lincoln. Stop mixing politics with Hollywood!
• Best Picture: Argo. Wow. I guessed Silver Linings Playbook, but I figured it would have been Lincoln. I guess this is the Academy's way of making up for the director snub. George Clooney is truly King Midas when it comes to the Academy Awards. Now I guess I have to see this one.
• Watch out Ben Affleck! Heisenberg is standing right behind you!
• I'm a fan of Affleck's rambling speech. He hasn't changed much since Good Will Hunting, it seems.
• They should have ended it with the win. This musical number is a bit awkward, even if the lyrics are funny.

So that's it. Good night. I need to pay attention to my family. 

My Harlem Shake Brings All the Boys to the Yard

Harlem Shake

I saw that phrase being thrown around Facebook, Twitter and the general interwebs a lot recently. It was like the secret password for an underground society -- something that sounded meaningless and innocuous unless you were part of the club. As one friend put it, "This Harlem Shake I keep hearing about; that's like a smooth chocolate milkshake, right?" Close enough.

Little did I know the pain and mental anguish that I would experience by acknowledging this meme. After all, another term for something becoming a meme is something going viral. And the Harlem Shake truly can become a viral infection of the mind. Once you get the music and the images in your head, it's almost impossible to get them out.

So, much like most people do with viruses, I'm going to spread this one around to all of you, my faithful readers. But I'm going to present it in the most historically accurate way possible.

The origins are fuzzy, but it seems that the Harlem Shake started in early February 2013 with this video:



That was odd enough, and may have gone viral on its own, but then a group of buddies from Australia decided to do their own version of the Harlem Shake as a video reply shortly thereafter:



And a meme was born. Suddenly small groups of friends and large corporations across the world were downloading this relatively unknown song by a relatively unknown musical artist named Baauer and creating their versions of the Harlem Shake. Just to give you an idea of how big this trend is (and how ashamed you should feel for not knowing about it),"On February 10, the upload rate of Harlem Shake videos reached 4,000 per day. As of February 11, about 12,000 versions of the popular Internet meme had been uploaded to YouTube, garnering over 44 million unique views. As of February 15, about 40,000 Harlem Shake videos had been uploaded, totaling 175 million views." -Wikipedia

Yeah, it's that big. And since there are so many examples of the Harlem Shake, I've decided to post a few favorites here on the blog so you don't have to wade through the rest of them -- you'll thank me later.

So here are a few of the best Harlem Shakes out there.

Norwegian Army Version:


KSL Version:


Dog Version:


Office Edition v3:


UGA Men's Swim & Dive Version:


And my personal favorite version:


Love it or hate it, this internet sensation is sweeping the nation, and I wanted to get this post up before the Harlem Shake was done. I learned my lesson with Gangnam Style, memes rise fast and fall even faster.

In fact, it's probably not even worth it to make my own version of the Harlem Shake, right?

Right?

. . .I'll go get my camera, meet me at Fudruckers in one hour. Bring your own horse head costume.

Moobak! Skrowerif! Fireworks! Kaboom!

Faithful readers, I'm on vacation. So you'll please excuse me if the post this week isn't extensive or full of clever observations or insightful insight. I'm too busy relaxing with my family.

Here is a cool video of fireworks going in reverse. My thanks to, alert reader, Tim for sending this video in.

Video Game Masterpiece Theatre

Faithful readers, I have a confession. It may not be a very shocking confession. It may not be a surprising confession, but it's a confession I must make, nonetheless: I enjoy watching Downton Abbey.

If you would have come up to me 10 years ago and told me that I would be anxiously awaiting the latest episode of a British soap opera set around the time of WWI and WWII, I would have probably slapped you across the face with my glove and challenged you to a duel. However, the fact remains that I do enjoy the show even though, as my brother so aptly put it, nothing happens. It's a slice of life program where the dramatic action is usually no more than a sharp word or menacing glance. Yet the good writing and solid acting almost always win me over. Granted, there are a few things that bother me about the show, but for the most part I am completely caught up in the lives of those that live at Downton and those that serve them.

But why do I bring this up? Well, because this video game parody of Downton Abbey, created by a guy named Bill Kiley, at first looks completely ridiculous. I mean, who would ever play a game based off of this BBC Masterpiece Theatre drama? But then, after watching it a few hundred times I suddenly started thinking "Actually that looks kind of fun."

Check it out:



 I doubt the Dowager Countess would approve -- after all, she was more of a Sega Genesis fan.

My Own Subjective Top 10 Movies of 2012

2012 was the year of the television series for me. I spent so much time watching TV series on Netflix such as Psych, Breaking Bad, Prison Break, Battlestar Galactica, Raising Hope, Monk, Malcolm in the Middle, Phineas and Ferb, Portlandia, Downton Abbey, How I Met Your Mother, Sherlock and Futurama (all of which I recommend) that movies took kind of a backseat for me. Nevertheless, I still managed to watch more than my share of films this year. So, much like I did in 2009, 2010 and 2011, here is my own subjective top 10 list of movies I saw in 2012.

Please keep in mind, faithful readers, that these are not films that were necessarily released in 2012. These are movies that I saw for the first time in 2012. Also, keep in mind that I normally have to wait until these movies are out on DVD, so I'm a little behind the curve. And keep in mind that art is subjective and your opinions may differ from mine. And let us never forget that Kate Beckinsale is strikingly beautiful.

Now, on to the list:

10. The Seventh Seal (1957) - Yes, it took me 55 years to see this movie. Although, in my defense, I wasn't even alive for 23 of those years. However, as a film geek, I felt it was my duty to watch this classic piece of cinema by Ingmar Bergman. The Seventh Seal is a special kind of film because it deals directly with the reality and indifference of death, yet it oddly retains a feeling of hope. Ingmar Bergman projects his fear of the unknown on the screen and, as an audience, we are able to relate because we've all felt the same type of fear. It is a beautiful film and it features iconic images and ideas. This is truly a classic and I'm glad I saw it.

9. Warrior (2011) - I have three brothers, so the idea of working out some fraternal aggression in the octagon is somewhat appealing. I was worried that Warrior would be a cliché-fest, but it's actually a fairly impressive movie. It's not every day that you find a story that makes you truly feel conflicted about who should win in the end. The fights are raw and realistic without being excessively violent. Plus, Warrior has as much of an emotional punch as it does actual punching. My wife and I both enjoyed this film.

8. Chronicle (2012) - Finally! A movie I saw in 2012 that actually came out in 2012! Now, truth be told, I am absolutely tired of "found footage" films. I didn't have much hope for this film, but I walked away pleasantly surprised. This movie is actually quite good. If a group of teenagers suddenly got superpowers, this is exactly how they would act. Dane DeHaan gives a performance that is both vulnerable and frightening, and the rest of the cast does a fantastic job making this far-fetched story seem a little more realistic.

7. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010) - I can describe this movie in two words: Fun. I love the premise of Tucker & Dale vs Evil, and the execution (pun totally intended) is great. However, I wish they wouldn't have given so much away in the trailer. Almost every major joke and plot twist is revealed in the preview, which I watched multiple times before seeing the movie. All of those trailer spoilers lessen the impact of when you actually see the story unfold onscreen. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed this film. It features great performances from both Tyler Labine and Alan Tudyk, and it's a fresh take on a tired story. I would definitely watch this one again.

6. The Dark Knight Rises (2012) - Much like the final Harry Potter movie, The Dark Knight Rises is good, but it's not the best of the series. Although, to be fair, I like The Dark Knight so much that "Rises" couldn't possibly live up to my expectations. However, this final installment ends the trilogy well. It gives us inspiring heroes, intimidating villains and plenty of dramatic action. However, some important plot points seem glossed over and, if you stop and think about what is actually going on in the movie, you'll find a few plot holes. Plus, there are some overly cheesy moments. Anne Hathaway's character, for example, seems out of place when compared to the rest of the cast. Nevertheless, I liked it and I will be proud to have all three of Nolan's Batman films in my collection (that, sadly, does include Batman & Robin).

5. The Avengers (2012) - I know there are a lot of haters out there, but I still say the Avengers is an entertaining and satisfying film. I was worried that, with so many characters, the story would be messy or rushed, but everyone seemed to get equal time and the plot flowed smoothly. Yes, it does have its flaws and yes, it does have long stretches of slow moments, but this movie mixes nerd-fantasy action with sharp-witted humor, and it does it well -- but who would have expected less with Joss Whedon at the helm? No, it wasn't as amazing the second time through, but it's still a fun ride and I loved watching it with my 3-year-old son. Yes, I let my 3-year-old son watch a PG-13 movie. You know what the "PG" in PG-13 stands for? Parental Guidance. And I'm the parent -- so there!
. . .and I got my wife's permission.

4. The Help (2011) - I was worried that The Help was going to be a heavy-handed, one-sided, racially-charged film, but it surprised me. It wasn't a "black people are good, white people are bad" kind of film. There are good white characters (other than Emma Stone) and there are bad black characters. The Help is full of touching scenes, humorous moments and interesting, complex characters. And while I was happy to see Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer and Jessica Chastain get Oscar nominations, I also think Bryce Dallas Howard does a fantastic job as the villainous Hilly Holbrook. She really makes that character fun to hate. I liked this movie much more than I thought I would. Plus my wife loved the book and she said the adaptation was very well done.

3. The Descendants (2011) - Not only did this movie make me miss Hawaii, but it also made me very grateful that I haven't had to deal with the problems that Matt King has to deal with. The Descendants does a great job of dealing with a variety of complex emotions. This movie manages to maintain a lighthearted feel, despite the dark and depressing subject matter. Each one of the performances feels genuine and heartfelt, and I felt myself getting caught up in it all. This movie definitely deserved the Academy Award nomination for Best Picture. My favorite line of the movie: "You give your children enough money to do something, but not enough to do nothing." I hope to one day have enough money to be able follow that advice.

2. Attack the Block (2011) - Once you get used to the heavy, heavy British accents, Attack the Block is a lot of fun. At first, I was a little put off by the young thug protagonists, and I could barely understand what anyone was saying (ClearPlay muting every other word didn't help), but soon I got caught up in the story. I'm not normally that big of a fan of alien movies, but this one is very entertaining. I also don't normally root for street gangs, but when they're pitted against aliens, you have to cheer for someone. This movie features some awesomely creepy creature effects. The aliens were unique and terrifying. Plus, it ended up having a heart, too, which I didn't expect. I would definitely watch this one again.








And my #1 favorite movie of 2012 is. . .

1. The Hunger Games (2012) - I know. I know. I sound like a teenage girl by putting this as my #1 of the year. Heck, I feel like a teenage girl for putting this as my favorite film of 2012. But the fact remains that when I was reviewing my ratings of the past year, this movie had the most stars. It got four and a half stars, which is the highest rating that I will give a movie after the first viewing. I was very impressed with The Hunger Games. Of course, I love the book, so I may be a little biased. I wonder how enjoyable it would be to someone who doesn't know all of the background information. I think I was most impressed by how well the book was adapted to the screen -- I guess it helps when the author of the book writes the script. The story is compelling and the violence is suitable for the target teenage audience -- it isn't excessive or gratuitous, but it's enough to get the brutal point across. Jennifer Lawrence once again proves herself as a talented actress, and the supporting cast is enjoyable to watch, as well. This is a powerful, well-made drama. Please stop associating it with Twilight.



Now there maybe some of you who disagree with the order of my rankings on this list, but you can't possibly deny. . .that I watched these movies!

I would also like to give an honorable mention to the following films, which I also watched and enjoyed in 2012: The Cabin in the Woods (2011), Iron Monkey (1993), 50/50 (2011), Seven Samurai (1954), The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966), The Thing (1982) and Les Miserables (2012). Sorry you didn't make the top ten list, gang, maybe next year. . .except I've already seen you in 2012, so. . .yeah. . .

Until next year!

A Movie Snack to Tide You Over

Faithful readers, I'm cooking up my lengthy, annual, subjective 2012 movie list for next week, so this week's post is just going to be something to wet your whistle. However, this video deserves a post of its own anyway. I've featured the work of Gen Ip on Slice of Fried Gold before, but every year I am amazed how she can take a plethora of films and piece them together in a beautiful way that brings out common themes and ideas -- and that plus the music make these yearly Filmographies strangely inspiring. Every time I watch Gen Ip's Filmography videos, I feel inspired to do something more with my life. . .and I feel the urge to watch more movies. Those two things aren't mutually exclusive, right? Right??

So, without further ado (because I said this post was going to be short), here is Gen Ip's Filmography 2012:



How many of these have you seen? I've only seen about 21 out of the 300+ portrayed in this video.

P.S. If you want to figure out which movie is which in that montage, here you go.

Ladies, What Does a Lightsaber Say?

During a company party last year, the comedian entertaining the group asked for one male and one female to join him onstage. My table volunteered me and I was then asked to face off with a female coworker named Shannon in a battle of sounds. I was asked to provide a sound effect (such as a machine gun and a lightsaber) and then Shannon was asked to do the same sound effect. The point of the exercise was 1. to entertain the audience and 2. prove, once and for all, that men are better than women at sound effects -- keep in mind that this was his theory, not mine.

I thought it was a bit unfair, initially, because I figured my female opponent would simply hear the way I did a sound effect and then copy it, but I was surprised to find out that the noises I have been making since I was a little boy didn't come as naturally to her. Shannon has a fun, outgoing personality, so I knew that it wasn't because she was nervous -- she just didn't have as much practice as I did making punching noises with my mouth.

And then, as I was chuckling about that experiment with my wife on the drive home, I challenged her to give a few of the sound effects a shot. The chuckles soon escalated to full-blown guffaws. Even though she had heard the differences in my sound effects and Shannon's, she still made noises like "pew, pew" when imitating gunfire. I was stunned. Men and women really are different when it comes to sound effects.

Shannon and I have exchanged a few light-hearted barbs since that party. Recently, she sent me the following video along with a note saying, "Just to point out that nobody even knows what a light saber is....boys or girls." And while I don't agree with her on that specific point (there are some good lightsaber noises from the men AND the women in this video), I'll let you, the faithful readers, be the judge of which gender makes the best sound effects in this highly entertaining short film.

Pointless or Awesome?

When I was a kid, my dad had something in his office called the Do Nothing Machine. It looked something like this:

Go ahead, give me a spin. You know you want to!

The idea was simple, you would grab the handle and spin it around, and the little wooden pieces would go back and forth, slowly missing each other. Pointless? Sure. But my brothers and I would spend hours spinning that thing around and around while sitting in his office. I remember trying very hard to get the pieces to collide with one another, but, obviously, it never happened. This wasn't like my dad's Rubik's Cube, where we could easily peel the stickers off and put them back on where they belonged -- this was something special.

Now, before you judge me for spending so much time on the Do Nothing Machine, think about how many times you've checked your Facebook or Twitter account today -- I'd say we're about even. And even though technology has advanced drastically since I was a kid, there are people today who are making machines that are just as pointless, and just as entertaining.

Check it out:



Full disclosure: I find this video (and this machine) to be endlessly entertaining. I like to imagine that the little robot inside the machine (who I've nicknamed Preston) is getting so annoyed that someone keeps flipping his switches. But what about you, faithful readers? Do you think this is the most useless invention ever invented? Or is it simply awesome?

I eagerly await your feedback.