Say what you want about director Michael Bay, but the guy knows how to film beautiful women surrounded by exploding machinery in slow-motion. He also is an experienced pro at product placement. You may have not even noticed the amount of products you were being sold while you were seeing his movies.
Case in point:
Parts: The Clonus Horror. . .er. . .I mean The Island actually set a record in 2005 by having 35 individual products or brands prominently featured in the film. Now we know how Michael Bay gets his funding.
However, some people aren't as skilled at the art of subliminal advertising as Mr. Bay. Take, for example, this clip from Days of Our Lives which was sent into me by, alert reader, Mitch. Try and figure out what snack food sponsored their programming that week:
Wow. That was. . .subtle, Alison.
Back to Bay. This time, in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, he one-upped himself and managed to get 47 brands mashed into one film. That film currently holds the record for highest number of paid product placements. See how many brand names you can spot in the following montage:
And now back to Days of Our Lives:
. . .and scene.
Moral of the story: Sloppy and obvious product placement isn't effective and it just makes you look stupid.
Now, if you'll excuse me, for some reason I suddenly feel like buying stuff I don't need.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
Is it Hoff in Here, or is it Just Him?
Have you ever had a desire to lick David Hasselhoff? Neither have I. But our good friends over at Del Monte must have felt that someone out there in the world had that wish, and they decided to grant it.
Faithful readers, I present to you. . .The Hoffsicle!
Yes, it may be raspberry-flavored, but that still doesn't make it right. I mean, if they were going for an iconic TV personality from the 80s and 90s to turn into a frozen treat, why not choose someone appealing like Heather Locklear or Christopher Hewett?? Pssh! Del Monte needs to learn a thing or two about marketing.
And just in case the previous video nauseated you a little bit, here's a second one. . .to help you just vomit and get it over with:
You're welcome.
Faithful readers, I present to you. . .The Hoffsicle!
Yes, it may be raspberry-flavored, but that still doesn't make it right. I mean, if they were going for an iconic TV personality from the 80s and 90s to turn into a frozen treat, why not choose someone appealing like Heather Locklear or Christopher Hewett?? Pssh! Del Monte needs to learn a thing or two about marketing.
And just in case the previous video nauseated you a little bit, here's a second one. . .to help you just vomit and get it over with:
You're welcome.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Disney and the Single Parent
Some say that Disney is an evil, overlord-like corporation that is bent on world domination, and these people may be right, but Disney still makes pretty entertaining movies. I watched a number of Disney movies over and over again as a kid and I now show these same Disney movies to my kids in the hopes that they want to watch them over and over again.
However, watching Disney movies as a kid is a different experience than watching it as an adult. As a grown-up, you pick up on certain things that you didn't notice or care about as a child. One of these things I noticed recently was the fact that Disney tends to feature single-parent families in a lot of their animated feature films.
Now, before I get into the list of single-parent Disney movies, I need to stress what movies are NOT included in this list.
This list does NOT include Disney movies where the main character is an orphan. Using an orphan as your protagonist is an old writing gimmick to make the main character seem vulnerable and forces them to conquer their problems on their own instead of relying on their parents. Such examples of orphans in Disney movies would include Mowgli (The Jungle Book), Oliver (Oliver & Company), Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs), Arthur/Wart (The Sword and the Stone), Cinderella (Cinderella), Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame), Lilo (Lilo and Stitch) and Tarzan (Twilight). . .(I'm kidding, he's from Tarzan).
This list also does NOT include those movies where the parent is killed during the actual duration of the film as the inciting incident of the plot or just to move the story along. This would include such movies as Finding Nemo, Bambi, The Fox and the Hound, Brother Bear and The Lion King.
Finally, this list does NOT include the live-action Disney movies with single-parent families, such as The Parent Trap or Darby O' Gill and the Little People and it doesn't include any of the straight-to-DVD Disney movies, because I wanted to keep this list shorter than the writings of Dostoevsky.
What this list DOES include is a list of Disney animated features where one of the parents is missing from the beginning of the story without any real explanation. Movies like:
Pinocchio (1940)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Geppetto
Relevant to the Plot?: Yes.
Geppetto was a lonely, single man who wanted a family, so he created a little wooden boy. I understand why this movie had a single parent because Pinocchio didn't have a mother - all he needed was his father, a cat, a goldfish, a blue fairy and a cricket. Sidenote: Monstro still terrifies me.
Dumbo (1941)
Parent Missing: Father
Parent Remaining: Mrs. Jumbo
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Dumbo losing his mother is relevant to the plot, but his lack of a father seems like the animators were getting lazy. I did my research and found out that male elephants don't necessarily stay around after the mating ritual to raise the calf, so maybe the Disney animators were just being accurate.
Cinderella (1950)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: The King
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
"Wait a minute," you faithful readers are saying to yourselves, "you said you weren't going to include Cinderella on this list!" True. But while Cinderella being an orphan drives her story along, the prince not having a mother doesn't really have a purpose. The King and The Duke (who, interestingly enough, were voiced by the same person) are all about getting Prince Charming married and dreaming of grandchildren, a role traditionally given to doting mothers.
Sleeping Beauty (1959)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: King Hubert
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Yes, Sleeping Beauty had two parents, but technically she was raised by three fairies. But that's besides the point because we're not talking about Aurora, here, we're talking about Prince Phillip. Once again, a single-parent king, Hubert, is looking to get his son married. Adding a queen on the groom's side probably wouldn't have changed the story, but at least it might have given Queen Leah more screen time.
The Great Mouse Detective (1986)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Hiram
Relevant to the Plot?: Kind of.
Admittedly, this is one of Disney's more forgettable animated features, but I liked it as a kid and it still uses the single-parent family format, so it's relevant. Since Olivia Flaversham didn't have a mother around when her father was kidnapped, she had no choice but to seek out the famous Basil of Baker Street. However, if her mother was still around, she and Olivia would have probably gone to Baker Street together anyway.
The Little Mermaid (1989)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: King Triton
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Now I've heard that in the third Little Mermaid movie, it is revealed that Ariel's mom was killed by pirates. However, almost all Disney sequels can and should be forgotten, so we'll just ignore that plot point. This movie would have had the same story with a mother involved, and, let's face it, King Triton would have appreciated the help, raising seven daughters.
Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Maurice
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Crazy Old Maurice did a fine job of raising Belle, the most attractive Disney princess in my opinion, but there is no explanation as to what happened to Belle's mother. In the original French fairy tale Belle had two sisters, but Disney decided to take even that familiar relationship away. It's Belle against the world, baby!
Aladdin (1992)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: The Sultan
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Aladdin may have been an orphan, but Princess Jasmine had a father. Perhaps Disney didn't like the idea of animating an entire harem for the Sultan, but this is another instance where the mother is missing with no real explanation.
Pocahontas (1995)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Chief Powhatan
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Let's face it, this movie would have been just as bad if it had a mother in it. There is a passing reference to Pocahontas' mother passing away previous to the timeline of the movie, but that's it. Pocahontas only has a talking tree with the face of a grandmother for matronly guidance.
A Goofy Movie (1995)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Goofy
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Chalk this one up to the lazy animators once again. Max and Goofy could have easily had a father/son trip if the mother was still around. Roxanne also seemed to come from a single-parent family -- as did Pete. Wait. . .were there any mothers in this film?
Toy Story (1995) Toy Story 2 (1999) Toy Story 3 (2010)
Parent Missing: Father
Parent Remaining: Andy's Mom
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
This is one of the few times that the father is absent in a Disney film. Andy's Mom, whose name, it turns out, is Jennifer Davis, defies the odds and becomes one of the few single mothers in a Disney movie. In the entire Toy Story series we never see or hear from Andy's dad. It is never mentioned whether he is dead, divorced or is just a deadbeat dad that doesn't like to be on camera.
For the record, out of the 50 theatrical animated feature films that the Walt Disney Animation Studios has produced to date, 35 prominently feature a single-parent family, an orphaned child, missing parents or parental death. No one really knows why Disney uses this format so often. Some say it is because fewer characters make it easier on the animators, others say that it is because of the tragic death of Walt Disney's own mother that he intentionally chose to remove the mothers from his movies. Regardless, it's a peculiar trend in Disney movies that I didn't pick up on until I was an adult.
I also didn't pick up on the fact that Zorro, Batman and Iron Man were essentially the same story as a kid, but that's a different subject for a different post.
However, watching Disney movies as a kid is a different experience than watching it as an adult. As a grown-up, you pick up on certain things that you didn't notice or care about as a child. One of these things I noticed recently was the fact that Disney tends to feature single-parent families in a lot of their animated feature films.
Now, before I get into the list of single-parent Disney movies, I need to stress what movies are NOT included in this list.
This list does NOT include Disney movies where the main character is an orphan. Using an orphan as your protagonist is an old writing gimmick to make the main character seem vulnerable and forces them to conquer their problems on their own instead of relying on their parents. Such examples of orphans in Disney movies would include Mowgli (The Jungle Book), Oliver (Oliver & Company), Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs), Arthur/Wart (The Sword and the Stone), Cinderella (Cinderella), Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame), Lilo (Lilo and Stitch) and Tarzan (Twilight). . .(I'm kidding, he's from Tarzan).
This list also does NOT include those movies where the parent is killed during the actual duration of the film as the inciting incident of the plot or just to move the story along. This would include such movies as Finding Nemo, Bambi, The Fox and the Hound, Brother Bear and The Lion King.
Finally, this list does NOT include the live-action Disney movies with single-parent families, such as The Parent Trap or Darby O' Gill and the Little People and it doesn't include any of the straight-to-DVD Disney movies, because I wanted to keep this list shorter than the writings of Dostoevsky.
What this list DOES include is a list of Disney animated features where one of the parents is missing from the beginning of the story without any real explanation. Movies like:
Pinocchio (1940)
Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Geppetto
Relevant to the Plot?: Yes.
Geppetto was a lonely, single man who wanted a family, so he created a little wooden boy. I understand why this movie had a single parent because Pinocchio didn't have a mother - all he needed was his father, a cat, a goldfish, a blue fairy and a cricket. Sidenote: Monstro still terrifies me.
Dumbo (1941)Parent Missing: Father
Parent Remaining: Mrs. Jumbo
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Dumbo losing his mother is relevant to the plot, but his lack of a father seems like the animators were getting lazy. I did my research and found out that male elephants don't necessarily stay around after the mating ritual to raise the calf, so maybe the Disney animators were just being accurate.
Cinderella (1950)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: The King
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
"Wait a minute," you faithful readers are saying to yourselves, "you said you weren't going to include Cinderella on this list!" True. But while Cinderella being an orphan drives her story along, the prince not having a mother doesn't really have a purpose. The King and The Duke (who, interestingly enough, were voiced by the same person) are all about getting Prince Charming married and dreaming of grandchildren, a role traditionally given to doting mothers.
Sleeping Beauty (1959)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: King Hubert
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Yes, Sleeping Beauty had two parents, but technically she was raised by three fairies. But that's besides the point because we're not talking about Aurora, here, we're talking about Prince Phillip. Once again, a single-parent king, Hubert, is looking to get his son married. Adding a queen on the groom's side probably wouldn't have changed the story, but at least it might have given Queen Leah more screen time.
The Great Mouse Detective (1986)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Hiram
Relevant to the Plot?: Kind of.
Admittedly, this is one of Disney's more forgettable animated features, but I liked it as a kid and it still uses the single-parent family format, so it's relevant. Since Olivia Flaversham didn't have a mother around when her father was kidnapped, she had no choice but to seek out the famous Basil of Baker Street. However, if her mother was still around, she and Olivia would have probably gone to Baker Street together anyway.
The Little Mermaid (1989)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: King Triton
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Now I've heard that in the third Little Mermaid movie, it is revealed that Ariel's mom was killed by pirates. However, almost all Disney sequels can and should be forgotten, so we'll just ignore that plot point. This movie would have had the same story with a mother involved, and, let's face it, King Triton would have appreciated the help, raising seven daughters.
Beauty and the Beast (1991)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Maurice
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Crazy Old Maurice did a fine job of raising Belle, the most attractive Disney princess in my opinion, but there is no explanation as to what happened to Belle's mother. In the original French fairy tale Belle had two sisters, but Disney decided to take even that familiar relationship away. It's Belle against the world, baby!
Aladdin (1992)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: The Sultan
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Aladdin may have been an orphan, but Princess Jasmine had a father. Perhaps Disney didn't like the idea of animating an entire harem for the Sultan, but this is another instance where the mother is missing with no real explanation.
Pocahontas (1995)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Chief Powhatan
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Let's face it, this movie would have been just as bad if it had a mother in it. There is a passing reference to Pocahontas' mother passing away previous to the timeline of the movie, but that's it. Pocahontas only has a talking tree with the face of a grandmother for matronly guidance.
A Goofy Movie (1995)Parent Missing: Mother
Parent Remaining: Goofy
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
Chalk this one up to the lazy animators once again. Max and Goofy could have easily had a father/son trip if the mother was still around. Roxanne also seemed to come from a single-parent family -- as did Pete. Wait. . .were there any mothers in this film?
Toy Story (1995) Toy Story 2 (1999) Toy Story 3 (2010)
Parent Missing: FatherParent Remaining: Andy's Mom
Relevant to the Plot?: No.
This is one of the few times that the father is absent in a Disney film. Andy's Mom, whose name, it turns out, is Jennifer Davis, defies the odds and becomes one of the few single mothers in a Disney movie. In the entire Toy Story series we never see or hear from Andy's dad. It is never mentioned whether he is dead, divorced or is just a deadbeat dad that doesn't like to be on camera.
For the record, out of the 50 theatrical animated feature films that the Walt Disney Animation Studios has produced to date, 35 prominently feature a single-parent family, an orphaned child, missing parents or parental death. No one really knows why Disney uses this format so often. Some say it is because fewer characters make it easier on the animators, others say that it is because of the tragic death of Walt Disney's own mother that he intentionally chose to remove the mothers from his movies. Regardless, it's a peculiar trend in Disney movies that I didn't pick up on until I was an adult.
I also didn't pick up on the fact that Zorro, Batman and Iron Man were essentially the same story as a kid, but that's a different subject for a different post.
Monday, July 4, 2011
And to the One Republic for Which It Stands. . .
During this season it's important that we remember what Independence Day is really all about. Sure, the 4th of July is a time for barbecuing, fireworks and cooking food with fireworks, but there is a deeper meaning to this holiday - a meaning that may have been forgotten.
So I'd like to take a more serious tone with this post, if I may. I'd like to present to you with a completely historically accurate depiction of what the founding fathers really did that special day over 235 years ago, sent in by, alert reader, Ryan.
There. Aren't you proud to be an American now?
I thought so.
So I'd like to take a more serious tone with this post, if I may. I'd like to present to you with a completely historically accurate depiction of what the founding fathers really did that special day over 235 years ago, sent in by, alert reader, Ryan.
There. Aren't you proud to be an American now?
I thought so.
Monday, June 27, 2011
No Time! There's Never Any Time!
I'm a busy man. Between watching Netflix instant viewing, eating, watching the Netflix movies that come in the mail, sleeping, rating movies on Netflix and occasionally talking to my wife and kids, it's hard for me to find a spare moment.
Because of my busy schedule, I don't have all the time in the world to get dressed, make food or be organized, so imagine my utter joy when I saw this video sent in by, alert reader, Amber. Watch and learn how to do a few common household tasks faster! Don't worry, this video is only five minutes long, so it won't take up too much of your time.
Boom! You just got educated!
Out of the twelve segments in this video, I've only tried five (egg, soda, banana, shirt removal, ketchup), but they have been fairly effective. The egg one takes some effort and practice, and the soda one will make your pop cans taste like salt if you don't rinse them off, but I'm excited to try the other seven.
What about you, faithful readers? Have you tried any of these before? Will you try any of these now? If and when you do, I want to know about it. I challenge you to try these innovative methods and let me know how they work out for you.
I look forward to seeing your reports.
Because of my busy schedule, I don't have all the time in the world to get dressed, make food or be organized, so imagine my utter joy when I saw this video sent in by, alert reader, Amber. Watch and learn how to do a few common household tasks faster! Don't worry, this video is only five minutes long, so it won't take up too much of your time.
Boom! You just got educated!
Out of the twelve segments in this video, I've only tried five (egg, soda, banana, shirt removal, ketchup), but they have been fairly effective. The egg one takes some effort and practice, and the soda one will make your pop cans taste like salt if you don't rinse them off, but I'm excited to try the other seven.
What about you, faithful readers? Have you tried any of these before? Will you try any of these now? If and when you do, I want to know about it. I challenge you to try these innovative methods and let me know how they work out for you.
I look forward to seeing your reports.
Monday, June 20, 2011
BUSTED!
Have you ever been caught doing something embarrassing? You know, like cheating on your diet, picking your nose or watching Twilight? And then you tried to cover it up or explain it away? If so, then you'll know exactly how this cat feels:
This video, sent in by, alert reader, Mitch, perfectly encapsulates a guilty conscience and an attempted cover up ("BARK! BARK! Bark. . .bark. . . . . .meow?").
I've always thought that cats were much smarter than they let on. This cat obviously learned Canineish just to mess with Fido next door, but only took the online course while his owner was away, so as not to raise suspicions. This way the human race would not learn of the extreme intelligence of their feline "friends" and therefore never expect the impending invasion/overthrow. But then he got cocky and careless and slipped up. . .big time!
We're on to you, cats. . .we're on to you.
This video, sent in by, alert reader, Mitch, perfectly encapsulates a guilty conscience and an attempted cover up ("BARK! BARK! Bark. . .bark. . . . . .meow?").
I've always thought that cats were much smarter than they let on. This cat obviously learned Canineish just to mess with Fido next door, but only took the online course while his owner was away, so as not to raise suspicions. This way the human race would not learn of the extreme intelligence of their feline "friends" and therefore never expect the impending invasion/overthrow. But then he got cocky and careless and slipped up. . .big time!
We're on to you, cats. . .we're on to you.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Cat Death vs. Dog Death in Film
Death is an odd thing to portray in film. Depending on who is getting killed, the audience's reaction could vary drastically. For example, if you're killing off a middle-aged male in an action film, you're probably not going to evoke any tears from your viewers. If this middle-aged male is wearing a uniform, visor or mask, your audience might not even blink. However, there is one type of death in a film that will almost always create some sort of reaction - animal deaths.
If you injure, maim, harm or kill a pet-like animal in a film, you will definitely get an emotional response. But during my many years of movie watching, I've noticed an odd trend regarding animal fatalities in film. Generally speaking, if a dog is killed in a movie, it is done for dramatic effect and intended to make the audience sad. On the other hand, when a cat is killed in a movie, it is usually done for comedic effect and intended to make the crowd laugh. Why is this? I don't know. But let me show you a few examples to prove my point.
Old Yeller
We'll start off with one of the most obvious examples of a dog's death bringing about tears. For those of you who don't know the story of Old Yeller, you probably already know what's going to happen based on the title of this post, but, just in case ***********SPOILER ALERT*********** Old Yeller gets a case of rabies and they have to put him down in the end. This is no laughing matter. ***********END OF SPOILER*********** Now, this example may be lost on you younger readers out there, but the mere mention of the name Old Yeller is still enough to make my father weep openly.
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Now let's contrast that tear-jerking scene from a classic family film with a scene from this classic comedy. The Griswolds have everyone over for their family Christmas dinner and Aunt Bethany brings her cat to the party. . .wrapped up in a present. This would be distressing if it wasn't so hilarious. They let the cat out, and it proceeds to wander the house. It eventually decides to chew on some Christmas tree wires and, luckily, pulls them out of the wall socket in the process. Clark Griswold notices his Christmas tree isn't lit up anymore and so he decides to plug them back in. ZAP! As Cousin Eddie put it, "If that cat had nine lives it sure used 'em all." There are no tears shed for this cat, but there is some lamentation about the ruined armchair it was under when it got fried.
"But, The Former 786," you say "Christmas Vacation is a comedy, so of course this feline's demise was done for laughs." Well, that's a good point, faithful readers, but let me show you that it doesn't matter what genre of film we use, the results seem to be the same.
Turner & Hooch
There are many mismatched buddy cop movies out there, but Turner & Hooch is one of the best. Before Tom Hanks made a living making people cry, he was a famous for making audiences laugh. In this film he is an anal-retentive by-the-book cop who is forced to partner with a slobbery canine who was a witness to his owner's murder - the 80s were awesome, weren't they? Anyway ***********SPOILER ALERT*********** Hooch is shot by the bad guy at the end of this light-hearted comedy and he, sadly, dies. They try and make up for it by showing us little Hooch puppy offspring, but it's too little too late. ***********END OF SPOILER*********** It's a very sad moment in an otherwide, hilarious movie.
The Boondock Saints
Boondock Saints is not a comedy. It's a cult-classic action film about two brothers who become vigilantes. During one part of the movie the brothers and their friend, Rocco, are sitting at a table full of liquor and weapons. Rocco's girlfriend's cat is also lying on the table. You can probably see where this is going. At one point Rocco is getting very worked up and he slams his fists on the table, triggering the shotgun and creating a very unpleasant, though accidental mess involving the feline. It's done for humorous shock value, and Rocco has a fairly cathartic moment with his girlfriend when he confesses what happened to her cat.
Now, let's take a look at two movies in roughly the same genre: I Am Legend and Drag Me to Hell. These two thrillers both involve the death of an animal, but the dog death is, once again, done to tug on your heartstrings where the cat death is meant to tickle your funny bone.
I Am Legend
This movie stars ***********SPOILER ALERT*********** Will Smith ***********END OF SPOILER*********** as a lone man in a decimated city full of CGI creatures. His only companion is a dog named Sam. Sam and he have a very close relationship, and Sam even sacrifices his own well-being by defending Will Smith against the cartoon creatures. Since Sam has been bitten by the animated reanimated, Will Smith has to put him down. It's Old Yeller all over again. If you don't cry at this moment in the film, you have no heart.
Drag Me To Hell
What would you do to get a gypsy's curse off of you? In Christine Brown's case, practically anything. Poor Christine tries a number of different ways to prevent her soul from being dragged down to hell, but nothing seems to work. Someone mentions to her that sacrificing her cat might do the trick, and she resists at first, but eventually she gives in. When she pulls the knife out of the holder and says, "Here, kitty, kitty!" the audience I was watching it with erupted in nervous laughter.
So why is this? Why is it that cat deaths don't have the same emotional effect as dog deaths in movies? I don't know. Maybe it's because we were raised on cartoons where cats were normally the bad guys. Maybe it's because dogs have been reported to stand guard by their owners after they've died, whereas cats are rumored to eat the deceased. Regardless, there seems to be an odd pattern in movies where cat deaths are done primarily for laughs and dog deaths are done for tears.
However, I guess cats get to have the last laugh -- after all, cats rule the internet.
If you injure, maim, harm or kill a pet-like animal in a film, you will definitely get an emotional response. But during my many years of movie watching, I've noticed an odd trend regarding animal fatalities in film. Generally speaking, if a dog is killed in a movie, it is done for dramatic effect and intended to make the audience sad. On the other hand, when a cat is killed in a movie, it is usually done for comedic effect and intended to make the crowd laugh. Why is this? I don't know. But let me show you a few examples to prove my point.
Disclaimer: Keep in mind that no animals were harmed in the making of these films. . .or this post. The author of this blog loves both cats and dogs. The Former 786 also does not condone the injury or senseless killing of pets or pet-like animals, but he may have laughed a couple times when Daffy Duck ran into a tree or Wile E. Coyote fell off of a cliff. He also may have wished for Wile E. Coyote to catch the Road Runner at times, or for Tweety Bird to actually get eaten by Sylvester the Cat, but I digress -- that's a different story for a different post.
We'll start off with one of the most obvious examples of a dog's death bringing about tears. For those of you who don't know the story of Old Yeller, you probably already know what's going to happen based on the title of this post, but, just in case ***********SPOILER ALERT*********** Old Yeller gets a case of rabies and they have to put him down in the end. This is no laughing matter. ***********END OF SPOILER*********** Now, this example may be lost on you younger readers out there, but the mere mention of the name Old Yeller is still enough to make my father weep openly.
Now let's contrast that tear-jerking scene from a classic family film with a scene from this classic comedy. The Griswolds have everyone over for their family Christmas dinner and Aunt Bethany brings her cat to the party. . .wrapped up in a present. This would be distressing if it wasn't so hilarious. They let the cat out, and it proceeds to wander the house. It eventually decides to chew on some Christmas tree wires and, luckily, pulls them out of the wall socket in the process. Clark Griswold notices his Christmas tree isn't lit up anymore and so he decides to plug them back in. ZAP! As Cousin Eddie put it, "If that cat had nine lives it sure used 'em all." There are no tears shed for this cat, but there is some lamentation about the ruined armchair it was under when it got fried.
"But, The Former 786," you say "Christmas Vacation is a comedy, so of course this feline's demise was done for laughs." Well, that's a good point, faithful readers, but let me show you that it doesn't matter what genre of film we use, the results seem to be the same.
There are many mismatched buddy cop movies out there, but Turner & Hooch is one of the best. Before Tom Hanks made a living making people cry, he was a famous for making audiences laugh. In this film he is an anal-retentive by-the-book cop who is forced to partner with a slobbery canine who was a witness to his owner's murder - the 80s were awesome, weren't they? Anyway ***********SPOILER ALERT*********** Hooch is shot by the bad guy at the end of this light-hearted comedy and he, sadly, dies. They try and make up for it by showing us little Hooch puppy offspring, but it's too little too late. ***********END OF SPOILER*********** It's a very sad moment in an otherwide, hilarious movie.
Boondock Saints is not a comedy. It's a cult-classic action film about two brothers who become vigilantes. During one part of the movie the brothers and their friend, Rocco, are sitting at a table full of liquor and weapons. Rocco's girlfriend's cat is also lying on the table. You can probably see where this is going. At one point Rocco is getting very worked up and he slams his fists on the table, triggering the shotgun and creating a very unpleasant, though accidental mess involving the feline. It's done for humorous shock value, and Rocco has a fairly cathartic moment with his girlfriend when he confesses what happened to her cat.
Now, let's take a look at two movies in roughly the same genre: I Am Legend and Drag Me to Hell. These two thrillers both involve the death of an animal, but the dog death is, once again, done to tug on your heartstrings where the cat death is meant to tickle your funny bone.
This movie stars ***********SPOILER ALERT*********** Will Smith ***********END OF SPOILER*********** as a lone man in a decimated city full of CGI creatures. His only companion is a dog named Sam. Sam and he have a very close relationship, and Sam even sacrifices his own well-being by defending Will Smith against the cartoon creatures. Since Sam has been bitten by the animated reanimated, Will Smith has to put him down. It's Old Yeller all over again. If you don't cry at this moment in the film, you have no heart.
What would you do to get a gypsy's curse off of you? In Christine Brown's case, practically anything. Poor Christine tries a number of different ways to prevent her soul from being dragged down to hell, but nothing seems to work. Someone mentions to her that sacrificing her cat might do the trick, and she resists at first, but eventually she gives in. When she pulls the knife out of the holder and says, "Here, kitty, kitty!" the audience I was watching it with erupted in nervous laughter.
So why is this? Why is it that cat deaths don't have the same emotional effect as dog deaths in movies? I don't know. Maybe it's because we were raised on cartoons where cats were normally the bad guys. Maybe it's because dogs have been reported to stand guard by their owners after they've died, whereas cats are rumored to eat the deceased. Regardless, there seems to be an odd pattern in movies where cat deaths are done primarily for laughs and dog deaths are done for tears.
However, I guess cats get to have the last laugh -- after all, cats rule the internet.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Just What I Didn't Need
I don't mean to get personal, but my bank PIN is 5653 and the last four digits of my Social Security number are 5437. Also, this past week was one of those times where I was feeling a little inferior. I thought a funny video might cheer me up, as it normally does, but then I made the mistake of watching the following video sent in by, alert reader, Brad.
Good heavens! When I go ice skating I have to use the wall to stop myself! And this chimp is doing backflips? Definitely not an ego boost.
What are they going to do next? Teach robots to juggle?
Oh come on!!!!
Good heavens! When I go ice skating I have to use the wall to stop myself! And this chimp is doing backflips? Definitely not an ego boost.
What are they going to do next? Teach robots to juggle?
Oh come on!!!!
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