Ho-Ho-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGAIN!

I did a post like this last year, and I had a lot of fun doing it, so I decided to give it another go.

Here are some MORE pictures of children who don't seem to be quite grasping the holiday spirit:

Allison was suddenly suspicious of the cookie she was given.

"Imposter! Imposter! The mustache doesn't match! Alert the authorities!!"

Aubrey is doing her best to stay brave, despite Santa's Breath.

"I see a tunnel! With a very bright light at the end! Take me! Take me now!"


Carson found his best defense was to camouflage himself as Santa's outfit.


If you watch closely, you can actually see Charlotte and Grayson shaking.


Cole isn't scared of Santa, he's just disgusted with how commercial Christmas has become.


"Mommy? What's wrong with Santa? He seems sad and he's slurring his words."


If you've ever wanted to witness the face of terror, this is it.


Looks like it's a lump of coal for each and every one of the Fulton kids this year.


"Ewww, Mom! He smells like Egg Nog, moth balls and B.O.!"


This is the moment when Isabella learned that her head didn't detach from her body - as she had previously hoped.


TERROR SPANS ALL TIME!


Santa seems to be reading the label on Jordan's back to see where she was made so he can send her back.


Kathryn and Ellie are crying for their parents, but no one will answer. . . no one will answer.


"WHAT IS WITH THESE DECORATIONS??? THIS DECOR IS AWFUL!! CALL AN INTERIOR DESIGNER STAT!!!"


Kenna let a long, sorrowful moan of despair escape her lips, oblivious to the gleeful indifference of her dumb brother.


Santa's shushing could not quell the fear of Lazarus.


Even with a mom buffer, Lily knew very well WHOSE lap she was sitting on!


"Je suis si plein de la crainte! Je suis ainsi effrayé! Est-ce que personne ne peuvent m'aider? Je suis malheureux! Svp, j'ai besoin de l'aide!"


"I'm a tree! I'm a tree! And trees don't have to sit on Santa's lap!!"


Side-saddle Santa doesn't want you to let the kids know that he is behind them - just in case.


Will is going for the standard crying, while Olivia is trying the "if I can't see him, he's not there" method.


Santa breaths a sigh of relief that Owen is taking most of his aggression out on his own father.


Phoenix is shocked and horrified at the price list for Santa photos he's looking at.


Rocco tried to be tough, but the tears just wouldn't stop.


No where in any of his books or movies had Roman seen Santa surfing - this was not right.


"What is the matter, Sanjiv? Do you not know that this is the man who brings us candy and toys? Stop your crying, brother, or you'll ruin it for the both of us!"


Santa seems genuinely hurt that Lainey didn't like him.


"Here's the deal, kid. You look down, I'll look up, and we'll both pretend you're not here peeing on my lap."


Tony wasn't fooled, he knew this was going to be a horrible picture from the get-go.


The Three Stages of Fear: Nervous Smile, Shifty Eyes, and Open Weeping.


No, this kid isn't crying, he's just trying to hit that high note on "O Holy Night."


Hey, if you're a Santa without a mustache, it's no surprise you're going to upset the kids.

JAZZ HANDS!

So there you go. If you want, you can go to the site where these photos came from and browse through hundreds of Scared of Santa pictures and create your own captions. Fun stuff.

Also, as an added bonus, here are two more pictures of my own daughter's experience with Santa:

We thought Kaylee would be ok with Santa, especially considering all the preparations I'd done with her. . .


. . .we were wrong.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Is It Getting Geeky in Here?

Or is it just me?

Today's post is going to have a Star Wars theme. "What???" you're obviously shouting right now, "But, The Former 786, it's Christmas time! Why do you hate Christmas???" Trust me, I don't. Second to Halloween, it's my favorite holiday. And Christmas is followed by the 4th of July, New Year's Eve/Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Easter, St. Valentine's Day, Groundhog Day, Mother's Day, Veteran's Day, Martin Luther King Day, Father's Day, Washington's Birthday, Arbor Day, Labor Day and Flag Day - IN THAT ORDER!

But I digress.

The reason I chose to do this Star Wars post the week before Christmas is because one of these things is something I really, really want for Christmas (are you reading this, wife of mine?)! But let's start at the very beginning, because it's a very good place to start.

This first part was brought to my attention by, alert reader, Zufelt. It comes from the mind of a guy named Brian Murphy, and it asks the question, "what if Star Wars characters had Facebook accounts?"

And here are a few examples:

So there you go. It made me laugh.


This next part is the Christmas gift that I think anyone could enjoy - and yes, it also has to do with Star Wars.

From the mind of Kayla Kromer, maker of the hamburger bed, comes this beautiful, beautiful bedroom furniture.

YES! IT'S A MILLENNIUM FALCON BED!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

This comfortable-looking bed was obviously made by someone who had an attention to detail.

"But how do you sleep on it?" you ask.

The top opens up.

And you just snuggle right in - Genius!

Oh, and as an added bonus. . .it has headlights.

Wow. Just. . .just wow.

If you want to know more about the bed, you can click here and read about it on the official Star Wars blog. If you want to know more about Kayla and her creations, you can click here and become her fan on Facebook.

Star Wars.

LOL New Moon K Thx Bye

See this?



This is a dead horse. And I'm about to beat it senseless.

I don't like Twilight. Almost as much as I DO like zombies.

You know that when your plot can be summarized by a few Lolcats in Lolspeak, it's not the greatest story in the world. Well, a blogger named "B." took Stephenie Meyer's second book, and turned it into what it truly is - a bunch of gibberish.

For those of you who aren't "in the know," an Lolcat is a picture of a cat with a funny caption. These captions are usually written in Lolspeak, or the way that we all imagine cats (and other animals) talk/type. Cats, as we know, have horrible grammar skills. You can find plenty of examples of Lolcats and Lolspeak at icanhascheezburger.com - just in case you want to prepare for what is to come - Lolspeak can take some getting used to.

Anyway, I've ado-ed enough - here is the beginning of New Moon LOL-style, and you can find the rest of the story on B's blog by clicking here.




So there you go. That's pretty much two-thirds of the book right there. But you can get the rest of the Lolstory by clicking here and going to the Pop Suede blog.

K Thx Bye!

NO COCKTAIL SAUCE!!

Note: Yes, this is a Thanksgiving-related post, but I figure that if Christmas can encroach on Thanksgiving's territory, then it's only fair to do a Turkey Day post in December - Take THAT, Kris Kringle!

There are so many things to be grateful for these days. I'm thankful that my heater is working. I'm thankful Black Friday deals were online this year so I didn't have to wait in the freezing cold until 4 am. I'm thankful Tyler Perry and Stephenie Meyer have not collaborated on any projects to date. But, probably most of all, I'm grateful that I don't have a relative like the one below.

This "Happy Thanksgiving" letter was first posted on californiakara.blogspot.com in November of 2008 by a blogger named Kara. Kara insists that this is a real letter that one of her co-workers received. Kara posted the letter on her blog, but changed the names to protect the innocent/crazy.

However, since this letter is now being passed around so much (it was recently featured on Awkward Family Photos), I think it's only a matter of time before "Marney" will let Kara know exactly what she can do with her blog and this entry.

So, if you haven't seen this yet, I present to you "Happy Thanksgiving" (if you have seen it before, please take a second helping and enjoy):
---

From: Marney

As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.

Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.

All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.

HJB—Dinner wine

The Mike Byron Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don't feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don't care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream. 4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.

The Bob Byron Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

The Michelle Bobble Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel - please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knife

The June Davis Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnay

The Amy Misto Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.

Looking forward to the 28th!!

Marney
---

Sounds like quite the party, Marney. I'll be there with bells on!

That is. . .presuming bells are allowed. . .

New Moon in a Nutshell

Now, some people are fans of New Moon and some people are not, some people are Team Edward and some are Team Jacob, but whether you like the Twilight series or you don't, this article (sent to me by, alert reader, Miss Berrie) is quite entertaining!

It comes from the mind of Eric D. Snider, a "freelance writer, critic, columnist, humorist, bon vivant, raconteur and man-about-town," according to his site. I've read his work before, and I quite enjoy it, but this particular article made me guffaw. . .out loud. . .at work.

You can read the article in its entirety and the comments at his official site if you click here, but I just wanted to share a few excerpts from his "rejected" screenplay for New Moon below in hopes that you'll go to his site and read the full article:

MY SCREENPLAY ADAPTATION OF STEPHENIE MEYER'S "NEW MOON"
By Eric D. Snider

Scene 2

BELLA: Hello, my undead stalker! How are you?

EDWARD: Brooding and tortured as always.

BELLA: Wonderful! Hey, Charlie gave me a camera. Could you, a vampire, please stand here in broad daylight so I can take your photograph? Oh, and hold this cross, this holy water, and this clove of garlic, too.

BRAM STOKER: (turns over in grave)

JACOB: Hey, Bella! Remember me?

BELLA: By the steroids of A-Rod! Jacob, you're huge! I've never seen such a hunky, delicious slab of Indian meat! Tell the women in your village they don't have to go down to the river to do laundry anymore, they can beat their clothes against your abs!

EDWARD: I'm standing right here, Bella.

BELLA: Not now, Powder.

Scene 4

JESSICA: I'm so glad we're hanging out again, Bella! You were such a drag when you were depressed that I'd forgotten what a drag you also are when you're not depressed!

BIKER DUDE: Hey, sour-faced emo chick! Wanna ride on my motorcycle!

BELLA: Eh, sure, why not?

EDWARD: Bella! Don't do it!

BELLA: What the eff? Edward?

EDWARD: I'm here in ghost form, or possibly just in your imagination, to warn you against doing things that are obviously stupid and should require no special warning!

BELLA: I've missed you so much, Ghost Edward! But I'm doing it anyway.

EDWARD: Don't! It's reckless!

BELLA: More reckless than dating a vampire?

EDWARD: Don't argue with Ghost Edward!

Scene 6

ALICE: Bella, Edward thinks you're dead, and he's going to kill himself! It's just like the end of "Romeo and Juliet," which you happened to be reading earlier in the movie! Who could have foreseen that it would come up again??

BELLA: Well, you, with your psychic powers.

ALICE: Yes. Also, anyone who's ever seen a movie before.

BELLA: We have to get to Italy to stop Edward!

ALICE: What about your father?

BELLA: My what now?

ALICE: Your dad? Charlie?

BELLA: I don't even know who you're talking about.

ALICE: I should warn you, Edward is trying to provoke the Volturi into killing him, and they are not to be messed with. They're creepy, soulless monsters -- and that's just Dakota Fanning.

BELLA: Please, I know all about vampires. They sparkle in the sunlight, they never drink blood, and they listen to Death Cab for Cutie. Duh.

BRAM STOKER: (head explodes)

Like I said, this is just an excerpt, to read the entire hilarious article, just click on the link above, or click right here. Or click this one. Or this one, just for good measure.

Let's keep the Twilight jokes rolling, folks!

Internet Entertainment Flashback!

I was thinking about the past a lot this week, and so I started to seek out some of my old favorite internet videos. It's funny how dumb things can bring back such fond memories. It wasn't easy to find/remember some of them, so I've decided to put six of the shorter videos here so that I can personally keep track of them, and also so you can enjoy them - after all, I aim to keep my readers happy.

Here they are in no particular order:

German Coast Guard
If you haven't seen this commercial yet, it's high time that you did!





Prangstgrup Library Musical
This one is one of the first Flash Mob musicals that I saw - it's old hat now to sing and do choreography in the middle of the unsuspecting public, but I still think this video is clever and the lyrics are catchy, too.





K-Fee Commercial
A nice soothing commercial about a nice soothing product - a seasonal favorite.





Mr. T - Treat Your Mother Right
A catchy (and not outdated at all) music video that teaches us all an important lesson: it's ok to make fun of people as long as you don't make fun of their mother - Be somebody!





Banned XBOX Commercial
The rumors say that this commercial was banned because it was "too violent." I just thought it was hilarious and wished that stuff like this could happen in the real world.





Worst Music Video Ever
I don't think this is, in reality, the worst music video ever, but Danny and Armi's "I Wanna Love You Tender" truly left an impression on my mind. WARNING: YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GET THE TUNE OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!




There are some other funny videos that I enjoyed back in the day when You Tube was just a twinkle in some nerd's eye, but, hopefully, this sampling satisfied your humorous craving for now and maybe, just maybe, reminded you of some of your favorite funny videos of yesteryear.

2015 Is Just Around the Corner

When you look at this picture, what do you see?


Robotic crocodile from the future? Horrific dental corrective device? Framework of an Imperial I-class Star Destroyer?

Would you guess comfortable lounge chair?

Ladies, Gentlemen, and robotic crocodiles from the future, I present to you the Hoverit!

For those with short attention spans who just want to know what's going on, I present to you the Hoverit in this video:



And for those of you who want a little more detail (and a little less color), I present it to you in this video:




That's right, it's a chair that balances itself on magnets!

Now, let's phrase that a different way: It's a contoured board. . .that hovers. . . .

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?





I've said it before and I'll say it again: WE'RE SO CLOSE!!!!

And I Thought It Couldn't Get Any Worse!

We all can agree that Twilight is awful.

So I'm not going to take up a bunch of time in this post about how it is poorly written, folkloreickly inaccurate (yes, I just made up the word "folkloreickly" and I'm ok with that and am sure it will catch on with the tweens), irresponsible, pornographic, long-winded, pretentious pseudo-literature. I will also stay away from the fact that it has caused unrealistic expectations in "grown" women about what their boyfriends/husbands should be like. And I won't even mention how it gives jerk boyfriends/husbands a free pass to act like jerk husbands/boyfriends because, apparently, that is what women want/need. I like to use slashes.

No, I'm not going to talk about any of that, because the situation has just gotten much, much worse.

"What can be worse than Twilight, The Former 786?" you may ask. A very good question, my friend. Faithful reader, Jeff Tromphlin, shared with me an animated comic from Bluewater Productions. No, this is not a comic version of Twilight. This is the "world’s first biographical motion comic" about the life of Stephenie Meyer. That's right, it's about the poorly dressed, folkloreickly inaccurate (See? It's catching on already!), irresponsible, pornographic, long-winded, pretentious pseudo-author. "Harsh!" you say?

Check out this synopsis and judge for yourself:

http://www.bluewaterprod.com/news/stephenie_meyer_ff.php

I'll let you digest that for a moment.

Done vomiting? Ok, then.

May I say it seems weird that Dracula is the one narrating this story, when Ms. Meyer pretty much took Bram Stoker's creation and threw glitter and bows all over it.

This comic comes from a Bluewater Productions' series called "Female Force" which claims to be a "broad examination of strong women in politics." And Stephenie Meyer fits in that category. . .how. . .? I guess the tale of her life wasn't that interesting because the animated comic also throws in the history of Forks, Washington - a city where. . .well, nothing has really happened.

Her story is pretty much this: Stephenie Meyer went to college. One night, she had a crazy dream about a sexy vampire who didn't follow any of the rules vampires normally do and was a combination of abusive boyfriends from her past. Oh, and he sparkled, too. So Stephenie decided to write down the dream and then sell it. The End.

Wow, I should be a writer for Bluewater Productions. Although I hear they don't pay that well.

So that's that. Sorry if this entry seems a little bitter. It's late, I'm tired, and this stupid Twilight craze just won't go away.

*Sigh*